So, I'm back.  I know its been like forever since I posted anything on here.  But, I feel as if I need to talk about stuff.  I suppose there are times in your life when life is just too hard.  Here I am typing on my computer, dead broke, not in classes, with no real meaningful relationship to speak of, a massive ankle that I almost broke, and I'm feeling pretty damn depressed. 

I am so sick of the bullshit in life.  Trying to please everyone is a problem I've had for most of my life, but now its gone even further than that.  I tried to please someone so that I could have a relationship with that person.  Even after the writing was pretty much on the wall about how the other person felt.  It's been about two weeks since the talk and I'm supposed to be "over" it.  Yet, I can't seem to work past the fact that I think I just walked away from one of the best things that could have ever happened to me.  Gorgeous, Smart, Funny, Sarcastic, Witty.  His description keeps going over and over in my mind all the time and I don't want it to.  I want to be over this I'm sure just as much as he wants me to be over it, but I can't. 

Hopefully in time I will stop thinking what could have been.  And start thinking about somebody new, but nobody looks good anymore.  We had the whole "let's not take this any further so nobody gets hurt" talk, but it was too late for that.  I see that now.  I already opened up myself to getting hurt and I never do that.  This is how I know he was it for me.  No one has ever gotten me to open up that much personally.  This is really tragic of me to sit here and talk about this.  I mean, he's the type of guy that's just like look, I've been gay longer than you, I've had more relationships than you, and I'm done with this one.  Or, let me rephrase that, I don't want to start one with you.  Because, to say we had a "relationship" would be a mistake.  And I am not one of those psychotic assholes that pretends it was more than it was.

I realize what it was.  It was two young people that enjoyed each other's company and had sex.  That's it.  I'm not hung up about that.  What I'm hung up on is that fact that I wasn't allowed to find out if there was more there and I think at one time there was.  I guess this is what I get for being so guarded with my emotions all the time.  I think that this is some type of karma that I let myself go and put my feelings out there for once and this is what happens to them. 

Well,  I do feel a bit better about getting it out and in front of me.  This is by far the longest message that I've ever put on here and it should be considering the last time I logged on.  I just keep telling myself that life will get better.  It has to.  I do believe there is nowhere to go, but up.  I've got a plan, its sticking to it that is hard to do.

I have figured out that you can't help the way that you feel.  Even if you come off creepy or you think that someone won't like you.  I've decided that I'm not going to hide my feelings for people anymore and just say it.  If they take it as a good thing then that's great and if not then I guess that's one less person I have to talk to.  I am just sick and tired of hurting inside about shit. 

I really really dred working at this point in my life and what sucks is that I have so many bills that I have to work way more now.  It's a vicious cycle!  Whatever.  At this point it would be easier to just kill myself and get it over with.  Ridiculous.

I'm pretty sure that I am planning a trip to Manhattan on the 6th to go out there.  I heard Thursdays are bomb nasty.  That way I will get to see Steven, which makes my life easier.  I'm so glad I have great roommates, because I could never get through all this bullshit.  Well, I guess I'm outta here.  Later y'all.

So, I'm pretty sure my life sucks as usual.  I got fricking drilled at work by the big boss man with nasal voice and the crazy hawaiian shirt today.  So, I decided that Burger De Cheese just isn't the place for old Jeffro anymore.  I am currently seeking new employment in the Lawrence area and saying the hell with Village West and its goddamn  Cheeseburger Palace!!!

But, I am not informing my place of employment about this move until tomorrow night.  I'm making them sweat this one out.  Meanwhile, I'm resting and relaxing and am ready to take on the University of Kansas tomorrow.  Oh Yeah! 

I will say that I will miss working with everyone down there.  It was such a fun time before things got out of control.  Too bad people have to be jack asses all the time. 

I truly miss Billy Clark will all my heart and soul.  Billy wherever you are sir....I won't be far.  That was so sappy and yucky, but truthful nonetheless.

I'm so happy that I'm getting my peeps back in my life.  Mr. Clark moves to Lawrence, Jacki returns from crazy mountain/rock climbing stuff in Colorado, and Steven returns from California tomorrow.  This is exciting stuff.

So, this week should be fun... I'm off tomorrow which should leave room for Missie B's, but I'm not sure.  And, I will be starting my last two weeks at The Cheese on Tuesday.  Whoa!  I'm excited about it.

Before I go I want to leave you all with something very important. 

1. Be Yourself No Matter What

2. Don't Take Shit Off Of People

3. Be Responsible For Your Actions

4. Don't Eat Yellow Snow

Alright, well, the first three are really good ones to live by, the fourth one is just plain funny.  Now that's funny, I don't care who you are!

Later Bitches!

Wow guys....what a day!  I moved a shit ton of furniture and other miscellaneous bullshit today in the sweltering heat for a good seven hours today.  As of right now, my room is basically done except for my laundry and a few bags of random stuff I have to get organizers for.  My new futon is awesome and is actually really comfortable too.  The internet is up and running which we didn't think was going to be, so that's a good start.  I'm really happy with everything right now.  Unfortunately, I still have to clean the old apartment and move a few extra things, but other than that I've started off on the good foot with things. 

Wish me luck guys and as always behave yourselves.....don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Later Bitches!!!