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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| the story with no punchlineme: i have a story
but it doesn't really have a punchline
so basically
a month ago
i helped a guy
on the bus
get to where he wanted to go
no chinese this guy
french africa
whatever
gave him my card
said let's get a meal sometime
whatver
month ago
calls me up today
Ktin: you said that
me: while i'm at work
calls me up
i say hey ok sure i remember you what's up
says he's got a problem, he's at the doctor
i says dang that sucks let me know if i can do anything to help
he says actually you could help me translate some thing
and i say um sure i can try
and he says i have blood in my spammer
and i says what
and he says blood in his spammer
and i says um okay
and he's got an accent now
so i'm def not sur ewhat's going on
and he says again
i was making love to this girl and i took off the condom and there was blood mixed in with my spammer
and i was like
dude
well i didn't say this now
but i was thinking
oh my gosh i met you the one time and you want me to tell the doc about the blood in your sperm in chinese somehow and my coworkers are looking at me kind of funny already prob because of the look of absolute horror on my face
but since he sounded real despereate
i did my best
and as i'm telling the doctor about the blood coming out of his penis
my coworkers are cracking up
because it's a pretty strange conversation to hear from their end
anyways
the doc says i've got pills, let's see if they work
i convey the message
and then the dude hangs up on me
so there you go
guess he wasn't feeling comfortable or in a rush or something
that's my story
no real punchline
Ktin: that's a great story
i can't believe he called it spammer
never heard that one before
me: accent
he was saying sperm
Ktin: oh so he was .ok i see
me: sper-mah
Ktin: but spammer sounds better
lol
he seriously called you about his dick
and then hung up w/o saying thanks
no he called me about what was coming out of his dick
to get technical bout it
Ktin: the most unbelievable part of it is whereyou give him your business card and offer to catch a meal sometime | | |
| Defeat from the Jaws of VictoryTwo hot-button topics in the air these days, that torch/tibet he-said/she-said thingy and the ever more tragically hilarious debacle and catastrophe that is hil-bama. As the former strikes too close to home these days (there's a one-in-twenty chance that I won't be able to renew my visa when it expires this summer, but we'll see), I'll bring up the parts of the latter that have drawn my attention of late.
The Democrats were favored over the Republicans this year for any number of reasons- the economy, the war, Katrina- practically everything. Plus McCain is really really old and really really mean. But, true to form, it would seem to me (and I'm getting all the news I'm getting while I'm over here, which means with neither context nor perspective) that the Dems seem to want to make a fight out of it, and are doing their best to stab themselves in the face as a result. Blame one faction or the other- in my opinion they're basically both at fault.
The thing that had me betting on the Dems this year more heavily than usual was my impression that the coalition of Hawks / Free-marketers / Cultural Conservatives was breaking apart. If the GOP could retain two out of those three, then the might have a chance, but that seemed more and more unlikely- until now, that is.
One of the news sites I try to check with some regularity is The Atlantic's "The Current" blog. Their postmortem of the Pennsylvania primaries posits (say that five times fast) a split of the working-class / liberal elite coalition between Hillary and Barack- an interesting theory, in and of itself, if not terribly original.
Said theory is perhaps best illustrated in the comments for that post, the most quotable of which I'll reproduce below. The first four graphs are those comments best illustrating the split, while the last three are another user responding with the sort of thoughtful, well-reasoned, and civilized rejoinder that typifies most political debate these days (and for all I know, since time immemorial):
"Which voter group, (1) under-educated workers, many of whom are
unemployed or underemployed, and unskilled Latino immigrants and second
generation or (2) college grads, professional, and doing well, would
you want the population to have more of? While the former (1) goes for
Clinton, Obama is favored by the latter (2)."
"I don't know if this is the point Al is raising above, but as a
younger progressive, I'd rather have the Republicans win than have the
Democrats win by catering to the wishes of group (1)."
"The pandering to the Rust Belt voter is actually the thing I like
least about Democratic politics, so I'm not going to choose her over
him no those grounds. You can call my position whatever you wish."
"Anglo-Latins? I doubt it, because the inherently reactionary white
working class will reject the "foreigners." They resemble the European
working class that marched off to the First World War, stirred by
nationalism, to kill each other. Let's face it -- there are times when
"the people" fail, and this is an example."
And you guys wonder why 2 out of the last 7 presidents have been
Democrats (and one of those governed pretty much as a moderate
Republican) and you've lost 7 of the last 10 presidential elections. Well, acutally, I guess you don't. You know perfectly well it's
becuase eeeeevil Rethuglicans have exploited the stupidity of the
bitter, God and gun clinging morons in the heartland, people-and you
use the term loosely-who are just too stupid to see thier own best
interests and appreciate how you members of the best and brightest will
take care of them. Because God knows the only real issues are economic
(Marx demonstrated that pretty conclusively, didn't he?).
And, of course, the thought that social issues may actually matter
to thoughtful people and that those drooling, mouth-breathing morons
may actually recognize that your policies are the same ones that led to
the disasters of the 1970s would make your tiny heads explode.
So, basically, if you're not cynical about American (all?) politics yet, you should be.
But, on the plus side, the new Weezer single is the awesome!
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| Game Theory and The Dating GameA snippet from recent email conversation, regarding the Slate article The Eligible-Bachelor Paradox (which should be read, but if you don't want to take the time to do so, could more or less be summarized as explaining, using game theory, why there are more single girls out there above a certain age than there are guys thusly: girls are too indecisive, not aggressive enough, don't settle for something less than what they think they should get, only realize this too late, whereas guys get taken out of the dating pool by those women who bid for their attention quicker):
"If the phenomenon of the hold-out high bidder really exists, then
men
should react to this information by OVERBIDDING themselves. They should
ask out women totally
or noticeably above their "range", and be persistent, and not
necessarily settle with the girl who says yes early on. So the average
guy should not let their faults deter them from asking out smart,
attractive women who would likely turn them down.
"Because at some point, once the female "high bidder" realizes that
the pool is shrinking, there will come a time when she will be more
likely to accept.
"So, [jmtang], I think the strategy of waiting until the high bidder women get desperate is a good one. Please pass this strategy on to other male friends."
In accordance with the above directive, I hereby pass along this strategy to other male friends.
Other male friends, go forth and bid totally and noticeably above your range!
...And then wait until they're desperate?
To those who might think it's a bit cold to analyze love and romance using economic theory and hard numbers, I'll end with a quotable from The Wire's Omar D. Little: I'll do what I can to help y'all. But, the game's out there, and it's play or get played. That simple.
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| Breaking my unofficial "post no more than once a month" rule because I'm staying with my cousin and his wife in Shanghai while my mom is here to visit, and their internet connection is apparently piped through Hong Kong somehow: two quotes.
My boss, on my relatively unclean and somewhat cluttered desk:
"It looks like a homeless person lives there"
My mom, in response to a story / confession over dinner I'm telling regarding my coworker having a bad day, telling me about it at lunch, and me replying something blunt, thoughtless, and generally mean (though true!) that exacerbates the situation and makes said coworker feel even worse when they were probably expecting something sympathetic instead:
"Yeah, you've had a problem with that your whole life. (pause, then with no irony at all) I wonder where you get that from... (another pause) Hey, probably me, right?"
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| The Sunday Easter BrunchAt Sunday Easter brunch with the visiting parentals, I saw:
A White Male
roughly my age
wearing a White Polo shirt
with a Pink Polo shirt under that
both collars popped
blue sweater wrapped around the neck
sporting white pants
and boat shoes
with no socks
linen jacket draped on the back of his chair
and a martini in each hand
laughing uproariously and obnoxiously
I went to a prep school for six years, ivy league institutions for a total of five, and I've never before seen the living, breathing embodiment of the preppy / abercrombie / let's play some tennis, buffy / wow we are so rich lifestyle.
Until I came to Beijing.
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