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Monday, July 07, 2008

  • maybe there's hope...

    hmm...nonsensical few days...of watching more drama...dang...i think i'm getting hooked into this...which is a problem...since i could really be using all those hours...for something much more productive...like cleaning up the place...or trying to myself to sit back down and study some hanja or something...

    but anyway...watching more dramas...and alongside the last odd rant that i had...which i think i was just plain tired...and was ranting at random...or perhaps a bit random...with some minimal thought...like most of my other postings...

    but anyway...watching these dramas...has already sucked a lot of the air out of the thought of ever being in love...or ever being able to be that special someone for someone else...but...there was something that i noticed...and i know i ranted about this sometime ago...there...is perhaps something else that could give me hope...of not growing old and dying alone...

    what is that?  well...it seems...that in many of these korean dramas...there's always some sort of complicated love story...guy A and girl B fall in love with each other...but something comes along...and they can't be together...whether it be because they're brother and sister...or because they thought the other was dead...or something else...so...guy A and girl B separate for some time...but then somewhere later down the line...girl B meets guy C...and guy C is in "love" with girl B.  somehow girl B finds guy A...and her feelings of the past love come back...so...now...there's a funky love triangle with guy A, girl B, and guy C.  Now...naturally...past love...is always skewed as some sort of true love..."fated love"...a love that is suppose to have all these endless attachments...that no matter how many people try to get in the way...or how many times someone tries to cut the bonds...another strong bond will takes it place...strenghtening their "fated love."

    hmm...this idea of "fated love"...i don't see happening in my lifetime...but it's the wishful thinking...the romantic thought...that so many people want...*shrug*...but that's perhaps...where my last rant...about losing hope in love was about...

    now in this drama...there is the other love...the "love" of guy C to girl B.  it's not one of fate.  hmm...somewhere along these dramas...the triangle gets so complicated...and emotionally unbearable for the people involved...so...ultimately...guy C feels that he can no longer sever the bond between girl B and guy A...so...his comments on love are always "i don't care that you love someone else...as long as you are by my side...i will be fine"...hmm...this is the other love...which i'm interpreting as "selfish love."

    hmm...now...as sad is this may sound...i think this selfish love is much more likely to be the situation i will be in someday...should i ever get married.  scary...don't tell whomever my future wife will be...lol...should that ever happen...but then...i think i've ranted on this before too...and i kinda know...that it's somewhat the way i am...but...perhaps i'll think about it some more...and try to change it...but...anyway...as of currently...and based on the past...i think i've been involved with too much of this selfish love.  "i don't care that you love someone else...as long as you are by my side...i will be fine..."...hmm...this unfortunately...due to my lack of romantic gestures...buying flowers...buying jewelry...buying tickets...traveling abroad...etc, etc, etc...which is somewhat...somehow expected in many relationships...i think...i've been more...of that guy..."that's just there"...hmm...confusing to explain...but...it kinda falls in line with this selfish side of somethings.  Rather than being the guy that is going all over the place, spending all over the place...i'm the guy...that is just laid back...and takes everything...the good...the bad...the ugly...because...for whatever reason...most things didn't bother me...hmm...so...rather than being the guy with all the romantic gestures...i was the guy that had a smile on his face...because he was in a relationship...with a girl...that even though i didn't know how she completely felt...i was fine...and happy...just because she was by my side...

    this...is...perhaps my only hope...lol...because...there are some people that you meet...that when they are near...in one way or another...it brings about a smile on your face...makes you feel better...comforts you...yet at the same time...it's not something that you appear to bend over backwards to work out...*shrug*

    actually...after thinking about this some more...this doesn't seem to make much sense...but nonetheless...ultimately...my brain...of some sorts...has given me hope...that perhaps...something...will someday...possibly work out...and i shouldn't just succumb to despair...

    lol...

Sunday, July 06, 2008

  • losing the will...

    ...ho-hum...

    watching these korean dramas...lately...along with the whole bunny crisis...and plenty of other odd insights...i'm starting to lose faith in the concept of love...lol...

    these dramas are too fantastic.  can a person really fall in love like the people in these dramas do?  is it possible to give yourself completely into a person...regardless of the situations and circumstances?  is it ok...to love without a reason?

    for some odd reason...i thought so...in a much younger time...but as time goes on...as you encounter more of life...and more people...it seems all too fantastic...

    poor bunny...caused me to lose faith in raising another leaving being...now all these dramas...hmm...is starting to make me lose faith in love...go figure...

    is it possible...to meet someone...that you'll do anything for?  that you'll take a shot for?  in these dramas...the love is so simple...they just do...but in reality...i've been slapped in the face (not literally)...but slapped nonetheless...for being with some people...just because i enjoyed their company...i enjoyed being with them...i did what i could...but...in the end...these people...just looked at me funny...told me i had to mature...told me that it wasn't love...told me that it was just not caring...*shrug*...

    so...i have no idea what i'm talking about now...but...nonetheless...i'm at a point...that i need to shoot myself in the head...lol...(not literally)...and just stop thinking...overthinking...really...really...really...just makes it hard to really like someone...to fall in love with someone...or anything of that sort...the whole calculating...the whole...what does this mean...what does that mean...why did she do this...why did she do that...would she like me better if i did this...would she like me better if i did that...would she like this better...would she like that better...

    all...just nonsensical things to be thinking...but it's a problem...when a person...ends up getting accustomed to a lifestyle...where he thinks too much...

    hmm...wish i could go back to those days of not thinking...and just doing...but like i said...my past experience with that...though i've had a number of happy relationships as a result...i've had a few others...that just slapped me silly...almost like a traumatizing experience...got hurt for not thinking...so now i think...but thinking...just gets in the way of things...

    *shrug*

    being romantic...calling someone up...buying flowers...calling to just hear someone's voice...these are things...that for some reason...seem almost impossible for someone like me to do now...but way back in the days...i just did them...and i was happy doing them...*shrug*...and at this point...i'm having a lot of difficulty...seeing myself do something like that...at this age...

    am i being jaded about relationships?  omg...i might be...i'll need to go find my therapist...or...i'll need to meet up with a few friends...and get myself in to a normal state of mind...lol...

    hmm...oy...perhaps...i really should consider being a monk...i gotta really go find that ol' professor of mine...he stills gives some inspiration...even though i haven't spoken to him for years...go figure...

Friday, July 04, 2008

  • next up...

    ...hmm...this must've been a very boring week...i think it's record i've had...for finishing a series...lol...just finished, i'm sorry, i love you...oy...only took me 4 days...*shrug*...

    hmm...so far...of all the korean dramas that i've been watching recently...i think the girl in this series...is the most ideal...of the type of girl that i like...lol...the girl from all in...comes in a close second...but...the girl's character...has a certain charm...though...so many glimpses...unfortunately reminded me of japan...

    hmm...these dramas...really do continue to try to melt a person's heart...lol...oddly...it gives me that pseudo feeling...like love actually exists...lol...oy...it's putting my head in the clouds...what the!?!?!

    hmm...a quirk...but...what is up with girls like guys that pick on them?  give them names...and tease them...are those styles of flirting...still ok?  hmm...lol...wow...old school memories...lol...

    but anyway...need to find the next series to watch...money's warfare, lovers in prague, soulmate, 9 end 2 outs...i think those were the recommended so far...and oddly...i never saw the infamous 가을동화...so...perhaps i'll try that next...*shrug*...

Monday, June 30, 2008

  • fantasy...

    ...so thinking about the korean drama all in...i think it's the favorite of the ones that i've seen so far...coffee prince...was entertaining...but it was eh...the other cuz...figured it's probably a girl thing...which is why she was all over it...

    but anyway...all in...gives some reassurance for some guys...that even though life can be all screwed up...if you stick to your beliefs...have faith in your friends...and keep your heart pure...that you're life...can still turn out to be good...

    hmm...*shrug*...for all the small nuances...or...similarities...as i was watching it...was just entertaining...definitely a heartwrencher...

    but really...does such a girl exist?

    hmm...ah...as for the small nuances...there's that slap in the face...from girl to guy...lol...a great way to start a relationship of sorts...but it does remind me of my personal nonsensical past...in that...most relationships...that actually turned out to be a relationship of sorts...tended to start...with the girl not liking me in the beginning...lol...not one of those "i don't care" type of things...but more of..."you're annoying"..."you're weird"..."you're a pain in the arse"..."how dare you say something like that"...etc, etc, etc...lol...the odd one...that would pick on the girl...the odd one that would joke around with the girl...the odd one that would still someone else's shoe and run around the school...the odd one that would keep asking if you were into manga (even though you said no a number of times)...the odd one that thought you had issues...

    lol...just one of those...lol moments...just because i can relate. :p

    let's see...what other nuances...naturally...the go-stop playing...lol...though that ain't anything special...but then again...it took a while...to actually find people...that weren't relatives...that actually knew how to play go-stop...actually...come to think of it...it seems...that most of the people i know these days...are people that i taught...or were taught by someone that i taught...lol...oh, boy...someone's gonna hate me later...lol...since...i can just recall...the first time i made a normal korean friend...a la puredragon...lol...i was lectured...never to give hwa'to cards to another korean person...especially if they were church goers...because...it was heavily frowned upon...lol...but oh wells...i went on to teach people later...since it's a cultural aspect...i just really, really wish that i could find someone who can remind me how to play all those other hwa'to games...with all the yaks...i can't remember all of them...but if any of you guys know someone...please let me know...there was min hwa'to...go-stop...yook baek...na ram bong...and a few others...dang...memories...my father taught me all of them...hmm...and i use to play yook baek all the time with him...but now i can't remember how to play...or what al lthe yaks were...because it's been so long...and no one else knows how to play...and the yaks are very different from most other hwa'to games...

    hmm...dang...memory...must clear...

    let's see...what else was there...a bunch of good friends...in childhood...lol...a la the three musketeers...not much to explain there...but then again...i think the three musketeers has been actually disintegrating...i haven't heard from most of ya'...lol...even though...technically all of ya' are on xanga somewhere...but then again...you've all been quiet on facebook too...lol...well...then again...i think the two most quiet made some sort of resurgency recently...hmm...but then again...the two most quiet ones are the ones that are married or engaged...so i guess it's understandable...

    let's see...what else...hmm...dunno what else there was...coming from a not so high background...not a hoodlum of any sorts...but not a background of wealth...hmm...

    dunno...perhaps...those were the only points...but the girl one was the most amusing...lol...

    but anyway...really...can a love like that really exist?  it's too romantic...it's almost unrealistic...

    but you know what's funny...it's a drama that did very well in korea...it's a love story of sorts...that korean people like...that they can somewhat believe in...hmm...somehow...i think i understand it...and i enjoy it...which is probably why i get along with koreans in korea...lol...people here in the states...i think i heard some people think it wasn't that great...lol...*shrug*...different ideas and thoughts on relationships...hmm...but the differences....are somewhat of an explanation...why some people are easier to get along with than others...some have similar thoughts...or are on the same wavelength...others are...just different...and constantly conflicting...

    hmm...but nonetheless...such a fantasy of a girl...a lucky man...who can find such a person in their life...

    oy, vey...

Sunday, June 29, 2008

  • all in...rewatch...

    ...oy...i think i rewatched this drama...in less than one weeks time...through mysoju...lol...

    such a great series...such a heartwrencher...one of those definite tear jerkers...

    why did i re-watch it?  it was recommended down the list...next seems to be to move on to sorry that i love you...or something of that sort...

    hmm...all in was probably the first drama i started watching...way back...when i bought all those discs in china...lol...why did i start with all in.  hmm...oh, yeah...it was because our buddy eric...lol...though...i do have to figure out what he's up to again...last i heard...he's still drinking...still in apgu...probably living at the same apartment that i slept over last time i went on my business trip to korea...but apparently...he's been meeting up with some of the japanese exchange students...from back in the days of ewha...even...the ones that were part of my...ex's group...since some are sticking around korea...teaching english...here and there...go figure...

    but why eric...lol...because of him...it was the first time that i've ever seen a celebrity in close proximity...like...literally in front of me...within a yards distance...lol...it's definitely going to be one of those memories that aren't going to go away...the drinking constest...soju vs beer...lol...the pride of the koreans...vs the pride of the germans...much too funny...but amusingly...eric won...lol...well...it would've been a draw if it lasted a little longer...but really...it isn't really fair to go bottle vs bottle of beer vs soju...hmm...but nonetheless...our dear chum eric won...and 10 minutes later...myself a few of others...had to carry his body down 5 or so floors...since the building had no elevator...and take him back...lol...though...given the stupid ewha curfew system...we weren't able to get back into the dorm the normal way...at 1am...since curfew was at 11pm...lol...well the rest of us had our acrobatic skills...or was that just me???...hmm...but we definitely didn't know how to sneak in a drunk body...hmm...and naturally...the hyung of the group was retelling his tales of being so drunk...that he had to get his stomach pumped...and our poor eric was going through the same symptoms...of alcohol poisoning.  hmm...amusingly...somehow...i had some popularity back then...lol...and...hmm...one of the girls...a native korean girl...that was living at the yonsei dormitories...(hmm...)...but anyway...she had a car...so...after some cajoling...but yours truly...we were able to get his drunken body in to the car...and drive out to the yonsei baek byu-won...lol...

    definitely...the first true experience...of seeing...how fame and popularity...and $$$...could influence the system.  the freakin' nurses and the doctors kicked us out...didn't want to admit our drunken friend...though it probably didn't help that the hyung of the group was cursing and swearing at the doctors in english for not admitting someone who was visibly messed up...

    so...naturally...we had no choice...we went through his cell phone...and called up his mother...lol...lo and behold...she came out in a cab...about 30 minutes later...and she came with her sister...since the two of them were up...chatting and drinking some tea or something or another.  i...being as ignorant as i am about the pop culture world...just treated the adults like any other adults...but the poor, poor girl...that i had cajoled earlier...who was somehow or another clinging to me...let out one of those high pitched squeals...that people seem to get...when they see their favorite fan...lol.  the poor girl even got a chance to wear my eric's aunt's fur coat...because it was naturally cold at 2am...outside of the yonsei bak byu-won emergency entrance...hmm... but...it was only 10 minutes later...after i got the girl to calm down...that i was told the name of eric's mother's aunt...박원숙...

    so...lo and behold...since people were recommending so many dramas to watch...i naturally chose the one that i would recognize one of the actors/actresses...so...it all began with all in.  apparently...she's in full house too...the series that i saw before all in.  lol...hmm...it does seem...that as i transition from one drama to another...at least one of the actors/actresses from the previous show...is some sort of character in the next...the korean drama world must be so small...

    hmm...so amusing...sadly...i should've taken some pictures eric's aunt...rather than taking ALL those blackmail pictures that i did...of poor eric in a drunken stupor...or more of a drunken deadman's position...lol...which...all us guys at ewha...definitely had such good laughs about...even to this day...over 7 years ago...lol...hilarious...freakin' hilarious...but still...the korean drinking pride was honored...lol...

jochoki

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    • Name: John
    • Country: United States
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    • Birthday: 7/17/1980
    • Gender: Male
    • Member Since: 10/29/2002
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