i have lost my world, my everything, and im the only one to blame

now i know what it truly feels like to be a loser

hey i have good news,  i just saved a shit load of money on car insurance and incase no one has notice i really dont get on xanga anymore    it has been overrun by little kids who claim they are "scene" and such so i like many others have chosen to resort to myspace.com   which really isnt bad at all, actually its much better than xanga, actually  it pretty much kicks xangas ass,  so yes currently i am a myspace whore and you should be too, its simple, kickass, and totally free  so you should join.  BUT, I SWEAR TO GOD, IF ANY OF YOU FUCKING LITTLE KIDS WHO THINK THEY KNOW WHAT SCREAMO AND EMO MUSIC IS, ALL YOU LITTLE WANNABE, "SCENE" KIDS GETS A MYSPACE ACCOUNT, I PERSONALLY WILL TRACK YOU DOWN AND EAT YOU WITH A SIDE OF A CAESAR SALAD, AND I DONT EVEN LIKE SALAD,   ARE WE CLEAR, GOOD,   YALL HAVE ALREADY TAKEN OVER AND INHABITED XANGA SO I GIVE THAT TO YOU BUT YOU DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GET A MYSPACE ACCOUNT    thanks have a nice day

p.s. here is my myspace site come see for yourself    http://www.myspace.com/johnnyblaze747                                                later

hey hey hey  nothing like working on holidays   im worn the fuck out   im so fucking tired (pardon the french)  like working at the neptune is so tiring  ive worked like not only my usual shifts and mad overtime but like ive been called in so many times to come work when i had my day off like today for example and dougs shift yesterday and then the day before that and even more  AHHHHHHHHH   like im working so hard    i just got home tonight at like 1:00am  and thats how its been almost every night   this is definatly a hardcore job   oh and thanks to everyone who has stopped by to see me and my apologies to those who i said i would hang out with afterward but i got off to late   so sorry you guys      well zaks b-day party was fun   and i stayed at his house again last night where i jammed and learned a few magic tricks  which was totally awesome   me and mary and josh lee hung out a few nights ago  and planned on going to the street dance thing but it got rained out so we just crashed at the powells     sometime tomorrow during the early morning time i have to get up and mow the remainder of the grass so me, mark nano, zak, miranda davis, kirra, and katie can go to the beach   im so stoked that i actually am gonna have a day off with no unexpected call-ins    i need to learn to surf so if anyone is willing to teach me  please do  that would be so fucking awesome  that would kick major ass   ok im going to bed  i have to get up at 7 am  great  5 hours of sleep   hope everyones summer is kicking ass    everybody be safe and take care

                                                                              -johnny blaze                

by the way give it up for the ramones                                                                                   in memory of the late, great johnny ramone  1948-2004

hello everyone  im updating finally   this entry is again deticated to the memory of noah pike as is today being his birthday   im not trying to rip back open scars and cuts that for some may have yet to heal so if you do feel that this may happen you should stop reading now  or perhaps this may help you   it all depends  

i stopped to see his mother today as she was overjoyed to see me (i had not seen her much since the accident  i have to admit that i am afriad to do so) but today seemed the apropriate occasion to do so i got up all my cpourage and held back all my tears and decided to go see her    she was so  happy but torwards the end of my visit she began to cry and i held back my tears and told her that i loved her and that i was always here for her and jordan and les and little will  and she cried even more   it was so painful  i could hardly bear it    it was like an enormous swell of pain, anger, and grief just exploded over my thoughts and mind  like it had been hidden for so long and now finally released   i couldnt stay long because i had to go home so i said my goodbyes and went on my way   but as i pulled my bike out of the driveway of their new house i began to cry and soon bawl and on they ride home i noticed that i had began to talk to him without even noticing  and then as i thought about it i realized something that it seemed like i had forgotten in the drama of my everyday life and that is that he is still here with us watching and protecting us  helping us with our everday problems watching over us like a big brother, one that we could only dream of having    he is still there for us just as he was when he was here before the accident  and it was then that i realized that even in death i could still talk to him just as i did before and that no matter what he was still gonna be here for me to talk to   he will still help me with my problems   so as you finish reading this and the song with such a spiritual meaning ends, go outside lay on the dew stricken grass, look up to the starry heavens and talk to him  just as you would have done before    look up at the bright glistening stars and pray, cry, think, talk, confess, whatever you feel the need to do and i promise that he will be there crying, praying, thinking,  talking, and confessing with you           i believe that with everything in my heart   so as i wrap this up in a conclusion i wish to you noah pike a happy sweet sixteen my friend  i pray that all is well

                                                             -johnny blaze

well gee whats happened this weekend  

Friday:  my birthday  umm i was still sick  i got allota money for my birthday   i decided to go to music in the streets anyway just to see lara    when i was there i had alot of fun with lara and everyone else    i saw sloan and watched zak, some guy, and gus jam together   i played a song but i messed it up but i didnt care  and theer was the coolest old guy down there who daced and made chiken sounds for us all in the crowd  it was definatly hilarious  lol  but yeah then i went to my dads  yay.....not

saturday:  nothing at all   it sucked

today: i fixed my jet ski and went out  it was loads of fun then i went home   and i saw skylar at havens gardens with chris and daniel so i went with them   went went to carsies and then got franks subs from franks  then i came home but ive got to go now cause i need to talk to lara who just got back from virgina and i miss her so ill update again soon  later

                                                                             -johnny blaze