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Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Abanandoning

I was talking with my friend Lisa this morning about my current emotional crisis. In the midst of all the exciting progress of our lives - Nate having an interview this coming Monday for a career that we are guessing he will love, the option of moving and meeting new people, starting new lives, the chance to find a new home, and make a new place for ourselves in society - in the midst of all this excitement .... is a feeling of guilt. I've forged important relationships during my life here. Especially during the past 2 years I've seen the fruition of working hard to love people - to be involved in the lives of people. And now... now I'm afraid of what will happen when I abandon them. This includes the students that I counsel, and the friends that are dear to me. It's not that I'm afraid to start something new - I'm afraid to hurt the people I leave behind.

Lisa gave me some wisdom about how to leave in a way that is empowering to people, rather than damaging... and she reminded me of the same thing that Nate has been telling me - God is in Control. The people I love, HE loves even more than I do. He will continue the work He began. I am honored to have been part of the process - but I don't NEED to be here for God to be God.

This is one time I'm glad to be reminded that the world doesn't revolve around me... =-)

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Currently Listening
Glory
By Manafest
see related
i need SPRING!!!

Jeff Foxworthy on living in Indiana:

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Indiana

If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you may live in Indiana

If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you may live in Indiana

If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Indiana

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you may live in Indiana

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you may live in Indiana

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in Indiana

If you find 10 degrees "a little chilly", you may live in Indiana
(it was 33 degrees and I wasn't wearing a coat because i thought it was pretty warm out! what is wrong with me? I need a strong dose of good weather!!!)

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

NATE'S SCORE!!!

Qualifying score was a 70
my amazing husband scored a 90.7!
more waiting....but at least we know we don't have to go to Purdue!
God's grace is sufficient - even for my impatience.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Currently Listening
Once
By Original Soundtrack
see related
Lost in Warsaw

So the other night my husband and I decided that we would run to this furniture store downtown that is moving to Center Street. (75% off everything!!!) I happened to be driving, and also happened to be talking to my mother-in-law on the phone when I notice my husband begin to gesture wildly - apparently I was going the wrong direction. I quickly ended the conversation and discovered that i had the wrong store in mind. No problem, downtown is aout 6 blocks long and 3 blocks wide, I couldn't have been that far off. So we circle around. Then the problem changes and we realize that neither one of us know where this store is - and, even within this tiny radius we can't find it... I'm so embarresed about what I am about to say next - ecspecially knowing many of you know how small the community of Warsaw is ... but the only way we could find the store was to .... google it. It's confirmed - I'll never make it in the big city.
On a more positive note - we saw 3 great movies this week (wow - all of the sudden i'm worried about my time management).
Micheal Clayton - an intriguing movie involving corruption, coercion, action, and mental illness... what is there not to like?
Maxed Out - a documentary on spending and debt in America and the corruption behind credit card companies/check cashing/banks. It was ... enlightning... lesson to all - DO NOT carry your credit card balance unless you intend to spend twice as much per purchase! Interesting tidbit - they talked about sub-prime lending in this 2 year old documentary before any of us knew what it was...
Thank You For Not Smoking - a witty and entertaining film (that still requires you use you mind) about a tobacco company lobyist... why in the world would i like a movie where a tobacco lobyist is the protaganist? Because it reminds us of personal responsibility, the challenge of raising children and not expecting the government to do it for you, because we need to be reminded to THINK and not take anything for granted... challenge the reality and the norm... i liked it.
If you wondering - our library has an amazing media section - i'm bulking up on my movie watching now while I still have the chance for free movie check outs!!!
Off to have a date with my husband - hopefully we'll be able to make it straight to our destination with no googling required...

Thursday, March 06, 2008

It Is Well...

On Sunday we were singing this hymn in church - It Is Well With My Soul. I remember learning this hymn on an ancient music program that our Apple II computer used to have. For some reason this song became a favorite of mine (I was 10, what did I know about sorrow?) and I memorized all the words and sang my little heart out right along with the computer.

So - on Sunday while we were singing this song, I looked at some people around me. People who have experienced really real grief. I was behind the family of a man who died suddenly. His death has been really tough for his wife to recover from because he was a pillar for her. I saw her wipe her eyes during this song, watched her granddaughter give her a side hug, watched as they joined together to sing "Lord, whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, even so, it is well, with my soul."

Yesterday I got the word that the husband of one of my best friends from high school died tragically on his motorcycle. They have a son, and another on the way. I called her - not to comfort her, how could i? I called her and cried with her because the grief is too much to bear by ourselves. I'm praying for hope in her life - that she not be overwhelmed with the pain. I'm praying that people come around her and love on her and her son.

Truth is - when life hurts this bad - it's hard to understand how to say that "it is well with my soul". It's hard to trust that a loving God is in control when he allows painful things to happen to people we love. The comfort in this? That God is there in our pain with us...that we aren't alone in this crazy pain filled world....that there is more than this life.

It Is Well With My Soul

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Horatio Spafford

(In memory of Eddie Eagan)