I recently discovered the existence of a Christian group called Revelife within Xanga.  One of the posts in the site bugged me.  Maybe I'm a bad Christian.  Actually no, I AM a bad Christian (lazy, lukewarm, what-not).  What I meant was, maybe that post bugged me because I'm a bad Christian.  Having called myself bad three times in a row, I figure I have given myself enough immunity towards further accusations that I'm bad.  Now that's four times.

It's great to have a nice, close-knitted fellowship that helps you grow in spirit.  But when that group starts to dictate who can or cannot go out with whom, I have a problem with that, especially if it concerns adults.  Teenagers, maybe it's advisable for them to have some guidance. But thirty year-old singles, should you let your cell leaders dictate your life?  Taking into consideration others' precautions or advise, yes.  But taking what they say as the infallible Word?  No.  However, if one ultimately follows their own heart, some cell leaders would more often than not start the guilt-tripping and passive-aggressive nagging.  And they are persistent. 

Is this speaking from experience?  Partly.  But it was not for relationships.  In my first year of college I was naive enough to enter my contact into to some Campus Christian groups during Freshman week.  I was just curious, but I never promised regular participation.  And then the phone calls started.  I went once.  And then they called again the next week.  And the next.   I told them I was busy, which I really was.  But they were persistent, though always polite.  Buckling under pressure (and constant phone ringing), I sometimes obliged.  It was not very pleasant.

"In other groups, however, leaders fear that seeing one's boyfriend/girlfriend would detract from the fellowship's spiritual purposes. Moreover, what would happen if the couple broke up?"  This is an over-reaction.  Please.  I somewhat agree with the distraction part.  It's a bit weird to be reading the bible, praying together in a goody-goody group in one moment and canoodling with each other in the next.  Wait, you saints aren't supposed to do that.  Sorry.  And what if the couple breaks up?  Is there only one group in the whole world (or church) that people can go to?

There's also something that I personally don't like about small groups.  I said personally, so don't come nagging me about the advantages of attending one.  And I know groups are very diverse.  Some may be more prudish/strict/dedicated/laid-back than others.  I know.  But the Christian brotherly-sisterly thing, it's just not my cup of tea.  The asexuality of the Christian group, that's what it is.  I will never call anyone my Christian brother.  I never had one, and never will, because it's - for the lack of a better word - gay.  Sorry for the abomination.   It's even more gay when they come up and clarify their relation with you, even when you have done nothing that suggest any interest in them at all.  They probably didn't feel anything either.  But you know these groups, it's always better to make things crystal clear and asexual.  "Er, you know, we're brothers-sisters, right?"  What the hell are you talking about?  We're friends.  C'est tout.  Maybe friends with more things in common, friends who go to the same church, and maybe the same small group.  That doesn't automatically mean we're brothers and sisters.  I know on paper it's "brothers and sisters of ABCD church".  But personally, it doesn't work that well, at least with me.

There's another reason I don't attend a small group.  The people are too saintly.  I am by no means an inherently bad person, but I'm not as angelic as those people there either.  I know, they are supposed to be nice and friendly and diligent.  That also makes them sometimes too righteous to be true and holier than thou, even if they don't force things down others' necks.  But I hesitate to call them douchebags, coz they're nice, and it's not their fault.  I respect them, but just, we won't be buddies and I won't say indiscriminate random things to them.  In other words, the interaction will be sanitized, polite, and frustratingly pleasant.

So there, I don't hate cell group people.  Maybe I'm just not cut out for one.  But knowing how ironic life - a.k.a. God's plan in Christian parlay - is, I'd never say I'll never attend one.  I'd never win the Guy up there.

Tomorrow marks the last day of my holidays in Malaysia. I'm going back to Boston. Time passes quickly whenever you're having fun. I'm going to miss my family, my grandma's cooking, watching Asian stuff on TV and living in my house. I haven't been living here for the past 10 years, save the occasional weeks that I go home each year. But for some reason, I feel most reluctant to leave this time.

When I first got back a few weeks ago, I discovered the Malay village behind my house was being leveled to make way for new housing projects. I kinda miss the crowing of the cocks in the morning (and sometimes afternoon, or whenever they feel like) and the sound of the whole group of domesticated animals (e.g. geese, chickens, cats) that comes with the villagers.

The whole area, though relatively unkempt, had lush greenery consist of various kinds of tropical trees, sugar cane, rambutan (a tropical, hairy fruit that looks like lychee), jambu (another kind of juicy, sweet fruit that taste like... no other) trees. We sometimes have a share of the harvest when our friendly neighbor decides to be generous. They have all moved elsewhere now. I had the honor to catch the tail end of the demolition work. It was a weird feeling seeing the empty land as it's been habitated ever since we moved in 18 years ago.


Demolition in progress...

I also met a family friend who is in her final couple of months. It's hard when someone dies suddenly, but it's not easy either when you anticipate their death. What do you say to them? She is in her eighties and is having some liver problems, probably cancer, I didn't ask my parents. We went to see her a few weeks back and she has turned yellow from the disease.

She still remembers me and seemed to have a clear mind. I didn't know what to say to her except for "I'm back from US to see you, take care..." and let her talk. She just kept saying that I am a good kid and I make my parents happy. I tried to appear smiley and kept nodding. I held her hands and I remember the characteristic smoothness and softness of old people's hands when the skin is loose. It's a terrible feeling walking away knowing that it's the last time you see them. It makes me treasure my family even more.

Apart from that, we did have some good time in Cameron Highlands and the various eateries around Ipoh. The food is, as usual, fabulous. I haven't been to CH for at least five years and there are lots of changes. The climate. for one. has warmed up a lot - I didn't even need a jacket until it gets late in the night. Well that, or maybe I am acclimated to Boston temperatures.

Singapore, though short, was fun as Wes and I got to meet up with my old lab friends. Everyone still looks the same and we got to go Karaoke in a proper box-type outlet, not the "half-ass, drunk white people" type I call "白人Karaoke". PXT, the richest one among us (as he earns industry, and not academic, wages) treated everyone to nice Chinese food. The four-hours of editing his thesis was worth it, haha. GL, the one with enviable smooth skin and no girlfriend is still skinny. Once rumored (by LJ and I) to be asexual, he is a favorite target for physical abuse and verbal teasing. For those who doesn't know, GL used to be the victim of many of my, for the lack of a better word, mischiefs and the best thing is he doesn't get mad but get even when provoked. He was my partner in crime in lab making fun of people too. Ah, I miss a sidekick. SXK's wife is having a baby soon so he's gonna be a dad the next time I see him. LJ wasn't there as she was still on a backpacking tour in Cambodia/Laos.

I can't get enough of my dear friends. They are like the most laid-back Chinese people you can find. Oh I also went to find T, my ex-boss and D my ex-co-adviser. The lab still smells the same though upgraded with a few new equipments. NUS underwent a lot of changes though. The Arts Canteen is all done up and nice. I also realize how cheap NUS meals are, compared to the rest of Singapore.

All in all, it has been a good trip and I look forward to coming back again next year.  The plot of land behind my house will probably be filled with 600 thousand ringgit houses. -_-"