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| oh man, i had a really good talk with my good friend yohan, who was the first person to warmly welcome me into the jane and finch community. really great guy, and it blows my mind how he's only been a christian for 2 years, but he's one of the most selfless and passionate followers i've ever met.
anyway, we were talking and he brought up a lot of good points...
like how relationships and the way we see love is all just crap that the media and culture has built up
the fact that we've been told that 'the right person' is the one that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy and stuff inside.. and like you'll look into each other's eyes, and do cute couple-y stuff and that's what Hollywood has done to us.
that's now what we look for, try and reinact, model, and that's what we aim for or look for... but as yohan was talking about this, i was kinda seeing the fact that, we try to find someone, or have someone, or maintain a relationship the way the media, tv shows, and movies portray couples and stuff, but im starting to realize that's not even close....
im also starting to realize that true love isn't what we usually think about... at least it's not something that ever came to my mind when i thot about it... true love is calvary. the concept of someone taking excruciating (is that a word?) pain for you, being beaten, flogged, whipped, spit on, laughed at, mocked, speared, humiliated .... yet Jesus still says, "Forgive them for they do not know what they are doing" and gets crucified to be the ultimate atonement for mankind, taking on the sins of the world, and laying down His life for us.
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 1 John 3:16
i know i had to rethink what love is, when i came across this concept recently... just the fact that true love is laying down your life for another, in love for the person, but even more so for God above and the sacrifice of Jesus for all of us.
anyway, so as i was talking to my friend, he was just saying (and i agree) that what we shouldn't be looking for someone who is just cute and tingles your spidey senses, but someone who genuinely wants to seek God, someone who yearns and hungers for The Word and one that truly strives to live a Godly life, someone who is able to deny themselves, deny their flesh and whatever self/culture/worldly desires within, but someone who has a will to take up their cross to follow Christ. And i think all of these things are especially what we should be focusing on doing in our own lives first.. to be doing all of these things... and then finding someone that shares all of these same life goals and desires to seek after God, striving to deny themselves.... (seriously, living a Godly life and walking the narrow road is so extremely difficult...which is why 'so few find [the narrow road]' and im nowhere near walking this path myself.... it's a continual life struggle to follow, but it's well worth it... in fact there is nothing more important in this lifetime than surrendering and laying down your life to follow Christ. honestly, though im learning all of these things that we should be doing, and how we should be following Him, and i'm also realizing how freaking hard it is to truly follow God, and to even deny ourselves, deny our own lives, to be able to give up anything for Jesus.
i was thinking about it yesterday, if someone came up to me with a machette and was going to chop my hands off if i declared that i believed and followed Jesus Christ. I'd lose my hands just like that with one chop.... and i'd have to bear that pain and live life without hands but still praise and rejoice in God....y'know? giving up your hands? giving up your life? it's such a hard thing to do.... following Jesus comes at such a high cost, and many times we (I) just dont take it seriously, dont see how high this cost is, how hard it is, and don't genuinely come to God in fear and trembling, not in a scary-freaked out way, but in awe and respect and reverence.... (but still, we shouldn't have any excuses...)
anyway, last thing that i haven't done until recently, and i don't think most people do (i may be wrong), but i feel like we don't really examine ourselves, and truly align our lives and future with God's purpose and will for us. so for me, if i were to find a special someone, i'd want to share the same life goals, and general life direction, and like where God wants to take them, and just lining up your gifts/talents/future/life aspirations with something that will truly honour God, serve God and His people, and bring His kingdom closer. so recently, i've thought maybe God's calling for me in the future, for my future job, is maybe to do full time ministry. Just an idea. i dont know exactly....still working on it, and still praying on it....
but yeah i think it's good to be able to mutually agree that God comes first before anything, and is the single most important thing in life, compared to anything else, even within a relationship, that priority and loyalty should be to God first and foremost, and i think a couple or the two people trying to make a relationship work, should both continually push each other forward, towards righteousness and Godliness... can't remember the verse, but it's like 2 knives that help sharpen each other, friends or even couples should push each other and challenge each other to grow in God more, and to dive deeper into knowing, loving, and serving God, i think that's something i'm starting to see as really important for relationships to be good and Godly. i think a really good catch is someone who is so selfless, thinks about others, the poor, the oppressed, the needy, others around them, and someone who is just so in love with God that it overflows onto other people. but it most definitely starts with ourselves, eager and willing to work towards all of this first.
favourite tag line of the week: deny yourself
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| ...when you feel like a place you used to call 'home', just isn't feeling like 'home' anymore...the people you used to call 'your good friends'...
i guess there's a time for everything, and now is a time to move on.
like i feel like i tried... and they just didn't. sooo... i give up now.
i guess it's times like these, that explain why people (so called) 'friend hop' even tho, that's not what im really doing... but if you keep saying that's all i do, then fine. that's what im doing...
friendship is a 2 way street. it takes 2 to make it, and 2 to maintain it.
you can say what you want, of what i did or did not do, but think about what you did or did not do first, before you say anything.
anyway, whatever, i tried...
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| janey's hunderds of surveys that take so long to read and even longer to do.....Surveyyyin'
You're really upset. Who is the first girl you call to vent to?
rabbit.
Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks a lot?
no one should ever drink 'a lot'... so yeah it would matter...
Can you do a split?
no, but i can split...
Do you get along better with guys or girls?
is there a difference between getting along, and connecting with?
Last person you texted?
i dont really text ppl.. but i think the last one was to annerson
Do you like shows like Forensic Files and Unsolved Mysteries?
hate em
Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?
night... gotta sleep clean...
List people you were best friends with in 6th grade?
mike lee, mike flax, igor, kalun, calvin, josh
Name the best people who could cheer you up.
manders, sheldon, wukid, uhngahla, bobo, unicyclejen
Have you been to New York City?
never
Who is the last person you added to your contacts list in your phone?
marlon, this kid from j&f
Do you have any expensive jewelery?
nooope
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
helen, i was callin her to meet up at york
Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
yes
Heard any really great quotes lately?
yes, i just cant rmb em right now...
Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?
no idea... i hope so, but i cant say off the top of my head, of someone for sure....
MySpace or Facebook?
myspace is like an american thing... so Facebook
Do you remember the name of your first school you ever went to?
brimwood, what!
Have you ever tattooed anyones name on you?
noope
What is the name of your siblings best friend?
i'd assume my bro's best friend is his wife, and im not 100% sure about who for my sister
What's the most appealing body part of the opposite sex?
everything above the shoulders, i guess?
Which year has been the best so far?
i dunno, there's no BEST YEAR.... i love my life... despite trials and struggles, ive always loved it...
Ever found more than a dollar in a random place?
ive found $2, $5, $10, and a $20 before, all on separate occasions
Has anyone ever been more important to you than your mother?
unfortunately yes... in the past... sorry,... teenage emotions..come on!
Last time you smiled?
i was laughin with john knight and the crew at dinner
Last text message in your inbox is from?
fisher
When is your next road trip?
i have no idea
Would you cry if you found out you were pregnant?
i'd cry and be soooo confused! hahaha
Where is your phone?
right beside me
Do you think your current pets will be alive ten years from now?
i dont have any pets
When was your last bubble bath?
when i was a kid
Do you know anyone by the name of Dennis?
not really...
Where is your pet right now?
n/a
What color phone do you have?
silver
How many kids do you want to have?
99
What outfit do you have on at this exact moment?
black tee, and joggers
What color are your eyes?
dark brown
What are you doing tomorrow?
interning at Christian Centre Church at jane and finch
Do you know someone who likes you?
nooope,. shouldnt the question read 'do you know ANYONE ...'
Does a heartbreak feel as bad as it sounds?
i dont know
What color is your hair?
black
What is the closest blue object to you?
kleenex box
Have you eaten popcorn in the past 48 hours?
nope
Have you ever been in handcuffs?
noope
If you could say anything to any one person what would it be?
im hungry, can you drive me to go get some food...
/////////////////////////////////// ANOTHER SURVEY
Where was your default picture taken?
what default pic? which one?
What's your middle name?
'too cool'
Your current relationship status?
flyin solo
Does your crush like you back?
no crush, just fanta. tho actually, crush is good.
What is your current mood?
lazy and tired
What's your mom's name?
debora
What color shirt are you wearing?
black
Who has the ability to hurt you most?
anyone really.... i dont know how to answer that
If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
yeah a couple things.....
Where was the last place, out of town, that you went to?
parry sound/muskoka
Ever had a near death experience?
not exactly. no
Something you do a lot?
sleep and eat
Do you have a fondness for gnomes?
lol uhngahla: 'g-nomes'
Who can you tell anything to?
a couple ppl.... rabbit and jon liu
Name someone with the same birthday as you?
sarah calford, jenny duong, and baby spice
When was the last time you cried?
earlier on this year?
Where are you right now?
at my jane and finch apartment, in the main living room
If you could have one super power what would it be?
flying would be pretty sick, but i dont know if that would be the one and only ultimate power i;d want
What's the first thing you notice about the opposite/same sex?
well the only thing you could notice first, is their appearance.... fashion sense, and external appearance... unless you meet them online or on the phone then it's a different story
What is your favorite color?
none specific
What is one thing that annoys you on TV?
annoying/repetitive commercials, and infomercials
Do you still like kiddy movies?
some, i saw beauty and the beast recently
What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
nothing
Do you speak any other language?
terrible cantonese
What's your favorite smell?
lots... but when you;re starving and you can smell fast food....that's pretty awesome
Describe your life in one word?
unexplainable
Have any tattoos?
noope
What are you looking forward to the most?
nothing in particular... maybe the weekend?
What are you thinking about right now?
what to eat, and that i should start doin some homework
What should you be doing right now?
some managerial accounting homework
Who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
this kid today at afterschool program who would just not listen to me
What are you listening to?
this boy - james morrison
Do you like working in the yard?
what yard? the backyard? no
If you could have any last name in the world, what would it be?
i dunno, im content with mine, cause i dont know of anyone with it.... but white last names are cool, cause you can usually say them on their own, and it sounds cool. but it doesnt work with asian last names
Do you act differently around the person you like?
probably... i wouldnt be surprised if i did
What's your favorite place in the world?
it's the people, not the place
Have you ever been cheated on?
no, but something that felt like that sorta...
What is the holiday closest to your b-day?
i dunno... ground hog's day? i dunno
What is your dream car?
i'd be content with most average cars... i dont know... having A car is already pretty good
Where would you want to go on your first date?
anywhere... it shouldnt really matter, now should it?
Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?
ummmmmm.... i think so... but im not sure...
Do you love someone?
my friends and family
Have you broken a bone or had stitches?
i had stitches before i think, a LONG time ago
Anyone on your mind right now?
not really actually
Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
not really no
Do you and your best friends have the same cell company?
i think so... most ppl have rogers
What time do you wake up on school days?
2nd year, i'd wake up anytime AFTER 11am
but this coming year, i'll have to wake up at 8am
What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?
i dont like peanut butter
How many Advils do you take at a time?
i usually take tylenol.. and i dunno, however many are suggested...
What was the last thing you put in the microwave?
KD
Do your carry an umbrella when it rains, or just put up your hood?
im sooo hoooood
What's the last movie you watched and what did you think of it?
beauty and the beast, such an underrated movie... the beast is pretty sickkkk
Have you ever dated someone shorter than you?
yes, i wouldnt want a girl towering over me! not like that other guy....
What is the last thing you touched, other than your computer?
what the heck kinda question is this..... my phone...
How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
7?
Do you play Guitar Hero?
rarely
Do you have Justin Timberlake music on your iPod?
yeee yo... AYO TECHNOLOGY for sure.... and then he's got a lotta other good stuff
Where were you on July 4th, 2007?
no idea actuallly, i dont rmb
Can you sleep in jeans?
i CAN, but it wouldnt be comfortable
What was the last text message you received?
"Hi Jono"
Who was the last person you were in a car with that is under 20?
geoff or terry? maybe?
What do you think about the last person you texted?
good friend
Can you do the Crank Dat dance?
superman dat ....youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
yes, sadly
it's catchy...
Who was the last person you shared a bed with?
i cant think that far back
Have you read "To Kill a Mockingbird"?
lol yes, for school, but did i finish it? NOOOPE :P
Tell me a secret?
i dont know who my real friends are anymore....
Have you ever been called a whore?
yes. lol no.
Have you ever dated someone named Adam?
of course!
How many texts are in your inbox?
30 something?
How many will it hold?
i dunno... around 70 or 80?
Have you ever changed your clothes while in a vehicle?
yeah i did it yesterday
Do your parents like the music you listen to?
some.... well i listen to everything...... it includes some stuff that they would like...
Who's the most annoying person in your neighborhood?
there;s a couple annoying kids..... and the jones' lol
When was the last time you ate Sushi?
ummm... last last monday
Who do you like?
nobody
////////////////////////////// What's your opinion on sex without emotional commitment?
meaningless....
Are you a jealous person?
i can be
What are you allergic to?
strawberries, apples, pears
What books, if any, have made you cry?
it's never happened
Does it annoy you when someone says they'll call but never do?
obviously
What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
chocolate chip and chocolate chip cookie dough
If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest what would you do/say?
doesnt really happen.... i dunno... thanks, im flattered.. but.... we should prolly just stay friends.. i dont know
What would you rather be doing right now?
chillin with people, playin ball, softball, eating asian food, or wings
What song lyric, if any, is stuck in your head at the moment?
dark blue, dark blue, have you ever been alone in a crowded room...
Do you enjoy giving hugs?
yeah why not
What did you dress up as for your first Halloween?
i dunno... maybe superman, or a teenage mutant ninja turtle
What's your favorite TV show?
smallville, the O.C, one tree hill
Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex?
probably opposite, but it really depends on who, cause both could work
Can others make you cry easily?
nooo i dont think so... not at this time and age anyway
Who was the last person to make you angry?
this kid today at afterschool program who didnt listen
Do you pay attention to calories on the back of boxes?
NEVER
If you could be any type of fruit what would you be?
ORANGES, i dont know why.. i like em tho
Were you a "planned" child?
i ask myself that all the time, and i have no idea... it;s hard to think that i was, but i could be, but i have no idea
Last thing said?
WHAT !?
What was the last thing to scare you?
this drunk guy asking to hold the door for him as i was walking into my jane and finch apartment
How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
function.... as minimum as like 6 or 7, but i need like 8 or 9 to be good
What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
rubbing alcohol
Do you enjoy traveling via airplanes?
sure
Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?
ummm, i'd have to think about it... and it depends on who they are...
Do you like anyone right now? If yes, do they know?
noope
Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
nope
Which do you make: wishes or plans?
both???
Can you speak any languages other than English?
canto
What movies do you know every line to?
star wars episodes 4 and 6
Have you ever dated one of your best friends?
well they could become your best friend, right?
When was the last time someone hit on you?
define 'hitting on someone'
If you could eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?
all you can eat sushi, that way you have so much variety.... so it's harder to get bored with so much selection
How many siblings do you have, and where are you in the rank?
one brother one sister, i am the youngest (thanks janey, i didnt have to fix this one)
Who was the last person to sleep in your bed?
no idea
Name 3 schools you went to:
brimwood, claude watson, earl haig
Name 3 things in your backpack:
water bottle, bible, paper
Three names you go by?
jonathan, jono, JT
Who is in the house with you?
ian knight at the moment, later... andre
What are you thinking about right now?
wow that took a long time....
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| *the stand.
and so it begins....
in about 9 or 10 hours, im gonna be starting my summer missions at jane and finch.
i'll try to keep a mission-related blog up to date at
http://janestreetandfinch.blogspot.com
anyway today was the last official day for me here in the world as i know it....
im gonna miss it :) i love my friends and family, and just everyone for being so encouraging and supportive
thanks everyone! God bless
please keep me in your prayers
p.s. I AM IRONMAN! (sickkkkkkkkkkk movie :P)
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| i talked to my academic advisor today, and she said i have 2 options... either my marks are bad, and i have to re-do a course, but i can take it online, or they are slightly bad, and im on academic probation.
at least i dont have to go to waterloo for summer school again
on another note, i have no idea who my friends are anymore.
(i was just watching smallville, so it;s like clark, and he cant trust ppl like lionel anymore....)
but like... either there's acquaintances that use me, or they just simply dont care.
there's the ppl that are supposed to care, but i have no idea where they are...
there's quite a lot of drama, that's all behind the scenes.
dont talk crap about me in your little cliques and groups and whatnot, and let your own opinions become gossip and crap. but i guess it's that stuff, that shows who you really are... i guess im glad it came out now, rather than later. there's a reason why ppl 'come and go'. crap like this happens.
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