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| but
do not be misled. I am nothing special; of this I am sure. I am a
common man with common thoughts, and I've lived a common life. There
are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten.
on that note from
the notebook I begin my little entry. I put that down because it is how
I am feeling at this moment of my life. Yes I am "only" twenty years
old but have I lived a life that was worth living. When I look back on
the last six years I see small triumph overshadowed by larger failure.
I sit here and see the man I am is not near the Man I should be and the
two our not even close. I have lossed my passion and my drive I seek a
fire that has left me three years ago I had dreams and vision and a
work ethic to go with it. Now I just look idealy by on the past and say
what if. I search and yearn for a life that I can never have and curse
the fates that I have never had. My life has become a boaring pop song
no more and no less. I have been home for over a month now and go back
to school in two weeks. I feel that I am more nervous now than I was
when I went as a freshman.
I feel lonely and I add to it by my tastes in music and televison and
books and movies. I mean I do enjoy the music and books but do I enjoy
them because that let me accept my own self defeating nature. I mean I
look at most of the music I listen to it's emo and it's screaming and
crying and yelling about how I was the right person for her but she
didn't realize it. Maybe I am not the right person and I have not done
enough to change that and I have become stagniant in my self growth.
I am very nervous and anxious about transfering next year I will be a
world away from where I am now in almost all aspects. I will be at a
college seven hours from home where I know excatly zero people coming
into it. I will spend my first extended peroid of time out of my home
state. I will go from suburbas to rural area (yes Gardner- Webb has
less around than messiah and boiling springs at least in a thirty min
radius) I will be going from a ana baptist college to a baptist
college. and I will be going to an entire different part of the country
with their own ways and traditons. But for some reason I feel drawn to
it I feel that it's right that it is what I need right now. I need to
be away from home and family and force to stand on my own two feet and
see who I am as a man as a christian and as a human being.
I finish with a poem by Kipling which I have always loved and if anyone
reads this feel free to post what you think of my rant or this poem
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!
I also have to add this one by Longfellow
When I compare
What I have lost with what I have gained,
What I have missed with what attained,
Little room do I find for pride.
I am aware
How many days have been idly spent;
How like an arrow the good intent
Has fallen short or been turned aside.
But who shall dare
To measure loss and gain in this wise?
Defeat may be victory in disguise;
The lowest ebb is the turn of the tide.
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| She said, "Don't, don't let it go to your head.
Boys like you are a dime a dozen,
Boys like you are a dime a dozen."
She said..."You're a touch over-rated.
You're a lush, and I hate it."
But these grass stains on my knees,
They won't mean a thing
[Chorus]
And all I need to know is that I'm something you'll be missin'
Well, maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that far
Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that..
I'd never lie to you
Unless I had to, I'll do what I got to
Unless I had to, I'll do what I got to
The truth...is you could slit my throat
And with my one last gasping breath
I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt
[Chorus]
Cuz I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions
This'll be the last chance you'll get to drop my name
Cuz I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions
This'll be the last time you'll get to drop my name
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar
Maybe I should hate you for this
Maybe I should hate you for this
| | |
| I am walking alone
down a dark and dreary road
searching for a home
searching for someone I can call my own
You would think that with the grace I have been shown
that I could leave this situtaion well enough alone
-ME
Yea another day another dollar lost to my college yea not in a good
mood really annoyed with alot of people and things contemplating the
future and my future hopefully somethings will start to fall in palce
so i can get an idea of where i am suppose to be but until then remember
You are No One till Someone loves you
| | |
| Hi again long long time no update but i got some stuff so here we go
This weekend was fall break got to go home for a little while and chill
and sleep and see old friends. it was just good old fashion fun
This coming weekend we have the marshmellow bowl in e-town and then
sunday switchfoot reeve oliver and eisley in concert at the trocadero
in philly my hopes are so high
and yea last weekend a friend and I were discussing our beliefs and
ideas and it got me to thinking what do i believe so I shall now list
God is the base of my life
Abortion is wrong in all ways
War is wrong in all ways
The death penelty is wrong
homosexuality is wrong but we are given free will so I will treat them with the same curtosiy as everyone else
we need more servents and less speakers
of all the seven deadly sins pride and vanity are the worst
Okay so now that the list is done on to the fact that i really really
wish i wasn't so lonely sometimes but hey all in due time i guess
okay well to bed for me night all
| | |
| I never said I’d lie in wait forever
If I died, we'd be together now
I can’t always just forget her
But she could try
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are never coming home
Never coming home
Could I, should I
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever, ever, ever
Get the feeling that you’re never
All alone and I remember now
At the top of my lungs, in my arms she dies
She dies
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are never coming home
Never coming home
Could I, should I
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I, should I
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me
If I fall
If I fall (down)
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I, should I
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna
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