Currently Listening Gold By Ryan Adams see related

The last few passages of Scripture I’ve read have really deal with the subject of eternal life and how God treats people in light of that.

Jesus is very clear about who is invited to the "Great Banquet" (everyone) and who deserves to come in (no one). At the beginning of Luke 13, some Israelites are talking about Galileans who were killed and whose blood was mixed with other blood for a sacrifice. They questioned Jesus asking him if these Galileans were worse sinners because of this heinous act done to them. Jesus told them no. He went on to say that they weren’t any better than other Galileans or, for that matter, anyone else at all. “Unless you repent, you too will perish,” He said.

This might sound harsh. But it’s not so mean sounding when you read on. Jesus tells a story about a fig tree. The tree in the story was dead. It was no good. It hadn’t given any fruit in three years. The guy watching the tree tells its owner the tree is done for. The owner does an interesting thing. Instead of telling the guy to cut the tree down (which he would be right to do), he tells him to let it grow for another year. If it doesn’t have anything after the year, the guy should then cut it down.

Why not off the tree after three years of no production? I think I would. Cut your losses. Plant a new tree. Not with God. This parable shows the mercy of God. The tree represents those people who have not committed to following after Jesus Christ, believing in Him. Instead of destroying them right away, God gives them opportunity to “bear the fruit of repentance.” That’s pretty amazing. God is a God of mercy. That is the God I want to serve. That is the God I serve.

Currently Reading Out of the Question...Into the Mystery: Getting Lost in the GodLife Relationship By Leonard Sweet see related

Christmas was yesterday. There were presents that were opened and food that was eaten. There were games played and stockings emptied. There were even a few naps. There wasn't any mention of Jesus. Was this my fault? Probably. The family I was with didn't bring it up and neither did I. I am not ashamed, but admit that I was not engaged in the Christmas story as I had wanted to be. Why is life like that sometimes? We get engaged in "things" and forget about other things we want to be engaged in. You know how it is? You do things you don't want to do and don't do things you want to do.

I have been talking to a counselor lately and have come to the realization that I don't accept grace very well. As a result, I don't give it out very well either. If the definition of love is: the willingness to sacrifice everything for someone or something, then I don't really love that many people or things. I don't think I'm willing to sacrifice because deep down I'm not sure anyone really deserves it. Why? Because I don't think I really deserve it. Grace. Justice. Can they coexist for me? God, I hope so. Justice tempered with grace, lots of grace is what I need. It's what I want! I am nothing without it. I bet if you're honest with yourself, you aren't either.

Currently Watching Shopgirl By Steve Martin, Claire Danes, Jason Schwartzman, Bridgette Wilson, Sam Bottoms, Frances Conroy, Rebecca Pidgeon, Samantha Shelton, Gina Doctor, Clyde Kusatsu, Romy Rosemont, Joshua Snyder, Rachel Nichols, Shane Edelman, Emily Kuroda, Jayzel Samonte, Mark Kozelek, John Fedevich, Zak Sally, Ray Buktenica see related

Ray had only loved part of Mirabelle; not all of her. That hurt them both...

The end of the movie Shopgirl ends with a line close to this. Ray (Steve Martin) had loved the parts of Mirabelle (Claire Danes) that worked best for him. He wouldn't love all of her. This left her vulnerable and uneasy. She wanted him to love her and stayed with him in an attempt to reveal a glimmer of that hope of love.

Why am I writing about this?

I often act like this. I love those things that are easy for me and work for my greater good. I do not sacrifice well. I find myself sacrificing only when it benefits me. This ultimately hurts me in the end. I don't let myself be loved or give love completely. There's always a part that's protecting... something. What am I protecting? Won't I feel most protected when I've given all?

Of course there's a spiritual dimension to all of this. If I can't sacrifice myself in love completely to other people, how can I to a relational God? What am I missing by not doing this?

Do you feel the same?

Would you like to enter into relationships unabashedly? Unafraid? Ridiculously? Joyfully?

Do.

Note: This blog isn't an endorsement of the movie Shopgirl, which is rated R. I encourage you to research this movie online if it's one you'd like to view. (I'd encourage you to do that with all movies.) I prefer to visit pluggedinonline.com for information on movies I watch.

Currently Listening The Earth Is Not a Cold Dead Place By Explosions in the Sky see related

My friend, Tim Wade, wrote an e-mail recently in which he talked about his fear of not doing enough in his life. Tim is currently working for Peace Corps in Bulgaria, helping youth know a better life than what they've been used to. The following blog is a response I wrote to Tim.

I'm thankful for this e-mail, Tim.
It feels like you were trying to bare your soul here.
In most e-mails you tell us all what you're up to, what the weather is like, what you miss from home... This one lets me feel YOU. Thanks.

I feel like I need to e-mail you back about what you wrote below because I am going through the same stuff. I'm going to write a brief story about where I was about a month and a half ago and where I am now. I hope the story will be of some help to you...

I felt really inadequate about a month and a half ago. That's not true. I think I've felt inadequate for a long time but never really acknowledged it until a month and a half ago. We've been struggling for a while and it caught up to me one day. I kept thinking in my head, "I'm letting Lynda down by not doing enough for her." This brought great despair to me. The feelings kept coming. "I'm letting Michael down by not providing for him." "I'm letting the youth group kids down by not doing enough for them to experience God." "I'm letting the staff down by not being the best youth leader I can be." This became very draining. How did I react? I kept trying to do more. If I could make more money or make Lynda feel better about our life together, or prove to the staff that I was a good fit on the "team" then everything would be OK. It was so draining. One day, I was at a meeting with a bunch of youth worker friends of mine - men and women from different denominations who love each other and love Jesus. We broke into small groups to pray for each other and the two guys I was with asked how I was doing. I felt pretty bad at the time but didn't want to make it all about me, you know? I told them I felt a little "dry." They probed and I relented. I told them all my misgivings about myself. I told them about my feeling of inadequacy and that I was letting everyone down. One of the guys put his hand on me and started telling me who I was in Jesus. I can't remember a whole lot of what he said. What I do remember is an image that came into my head of Jesus. I'm not a big "dreams and visions" guy, but I saw Jesus that day. You know what He said? He told me that I wasn't letting Him down. "You don't let me down" is what He said over and over. I started to weep. I knew that was true, what He was saying. I just never really believed it before. It sunk in that day. After the meeting was over, the guy who had been praying over me had me do a drawing exercise. The gist of it was this: he had be draw my left hand with my right hand in a freestyle way. He gave me 60 seconds to do it. After the time was done, he had me rate my drawing on a scale of 1 to 10. My drawing was pretty bad. I gave myself a 3. He asked me to give him seven reasons why it wasn't a ten. That was easy. I came up with seven reasons right away - the scale of the hand was wrong, I didn't do any shading, my ring was enormous, etc. He asked me if I thought I could do better if I had more time. I said yes. He asked me if I thought I could do better with more art training. I said yes. He asked me if I thought I could do better with different writing tools. I said yes. He looked at me and told me that God saw me as a ten. He said God had given me a certain amount of time in my life. God had given me a certain amount of talent. God had given me a certain amount of tools to work with. God didn't expect more from me. I needed to stop comparing myself to others who I thought could "draw" better than me and understand God saw me as a ten.

Tim, you are a ten to God. You don't need to "do more" to please Him. You don't need to "accomplish" more. You said below that you wanted to do things that made you worthy to those around you, to yourself and to the American taxpayer. You really don't. You are a ten to God. Be cool with the fact that when Jesus looks at you He always says, "You don't let me down."

Peace,
Josh

I hope you understand that you are a ten to God as well...

Currently Reading What's So Amazing About Grace? By Philip Yancey see related

Lynda is coming home from the hospital today.

This pregnancy is really wearing on her: dehydration, asthma, gestational diabetes, bed rest for four weeks... I hope the labor is a breeze.

On Thursday night, little Adah Bean (the name I'm calling her) wanted to come out and see her family. Little did she know she was about seven weeks too early!

We don't have any family in Connecticut - any blood family, that is. We do have a church family and when I asked them to help us, the e-mails started rolling in. What a blessing to have help in that way.

Michael is watching Thomas the Tank Engine (surprise, surprise) and I am getting anxious to pick my wife and baby (in the womb) up from UConn hospital...