hey... i know im the last person that you want to hear from since you've been ignoring all my calls and my texts... but i just wanted to see if you were alright... and you're probably thinking.. leave the me the hell alone cuz im the one who broke your heart.. and i think everybody is thinking the exact same... that may just needs to stay the hell away from clayon and move on with her life and quit hurting clayon... but i cant... i know i can.. but i refuse... i want to.. and i need to know that you are alright... people keep telling me.. why do you still care...? just move on.. but that's the thing.. i do still care.. i always have.. ever since the first time i met you.. i have cared.. and always will care... no matter what happens... trust me when i say this.. i never meant to hurt you.. but then again.. i never meant to hurt carl.. i never meant to hurt anyone.. but i cant help it.. it just happened.. you were my best friend for like 5 wonderful years... and i still consider you as my best friend.. im not sure how you're feeling now.. probably at the "hating me" stage.. but i guess you have the right to hate me.. for all the pain im putting you through.. but trust me when i say this.. if i could take away the pain.. i would.. and trust me when i say this.. you never did me wrong.. you were good to me.. not perfect.. but perfection is not what i was looking for.. willing is what i was looking for... i fell in love with your heart.. you have a big heart.. (sidenote: im writing this at the UH library.. and tears are falling and people are looking at me.. ) you took very good care of me.. and trust me when i say this.. the nxt girl will be so lucky to be with you.. but i.. i just fell out of the relationship.. and it wasnt fair for you or me to be in the relationship... the physical part of our relationship and the emotional part of our relationship just wasnt working for me anymore... and yea.. i could have stuck out longer to see if it'll work.. but it wouldnt be fair to you or me... you deserve someone who will appreciate all that you have to offer and vice versa... just when i decided to step out of our relationship.. you decided to change once more... each time you change you changed for me... and i didnt want you to just change for me.. i wanted you to change for yourself..  yea.. being in a relationship did somewhat mold us.. but our beliefs and values are still the same.. those are something that we have to find and figure out ourselves... there is no doubt in my mind that i will for sure give us a chance in the future if time prevails.. because i do believe…Christina Aguilera.. “if you love something, let it go, if it comes back, it’s yours; that’s how you know”… I was talking to someone about this situation.. and I told that person that I fell out of the relationship… and I asked if I should wait.. and stick around to see if I can fall back into it.. and that person said.. it’s best to break it up and see in the future.. that person told me.. it’s hard to force yourself to fall for someone… especially if that person is your first… so I guess what im saying is.. you don’t have to talk to me again.. I guess I deserve it.. but I remember when I asked you once.. a long time ago.. when we first started dating.. that if we ever broke up.. will you still talk to me and be my friend.. and you said of course… but I cant blame you.. it’s probably harder said than done.. but just know that whatever you decide to choose… I will always be here for you… and that you can call me whenever.. text or email or AIM me whenever.. whenever you are ready… because you will always have a piece of my heart… ALWAYS…

why does it always happen to me..?

im the one always breaking hearts... even my own.. it doesnt even make any sense... i think they should lock me up in a mental institution... like i first requested... keep me in a white padded room so i cant do anything but bounce up and down and against the walls...

I SACRIFICE A LOT FOR YOU...

PLEASE SHOW ME THAT YOU'RE WORTH IT...