Even though I'm staying in Baltimore yet another year I realize that everything is going to change.

Candice and Catherine both left for med school this week. One to Drexel and the other to Loma Linda. I had a while to process Candice's acceptance, but Cat just found out this week and pretty much had to zip out (school starts Thursday). It was a shocker considering we've experienced so much together for the past 5 years, and the separation felt so sudden. We were both bawling as we prayed together before she left. Who would have thought I would be this emotional about a friend moving. Now with both of them gone, it feels a bit different. I'm not sure what's going to happen this year, but I'm excited. It's scary not having my closest sisters around, yet exciting seeing how God's scattered all of us. Alison's in China, Cat's back in California, Candice is in Philly, and I'm in Baltimore. I guess God knew it was time for us to go our separate ways and grow in different ways. It's exciting and scary all at once. I'm going to miss our times of praying together, of keeping each other accountable, of serving together, of just sharing our hopes and fears, of venting when we get frustrated, of just hanging out whenever we felt like it.

For those that have been praying for me, thanks for all your support. I've been offered a job, which I think I might take. It looks very promising and I think it will be a great experience. I'm actually really excited about it. I have another interview this week, so we'll see what happens, but I'll update you all on the final decision. It's been a lot of waiting and praying, and I'm so grateful that God's given me this position. And it gives me more confirmation that I'm supposed to stay in Baltimore, at least for the time being.

Slowly I'm realizing that I'm growing up. I know the incoming freshmen are going to see me differently, as much as I don't want them to. I'm no longer a student, but someone that works, someone that will be teaching them things, possibly even discipling them, someone whose words might hold greater weight than I think they should. Some of the rising sophomores already think I'm "old" and I can't imagine how much older I will be to these new students.

So here's to growing up. I don't think I'm ready, but I'm excited to see what's coming my way.

Dear friends,

Wow, where do I start? I just want to thank you all so much for your support. Peru was an amazing experience, and I know that God used this trip mightily. I learned so much from this trip and I was stretched in so many ways.

The churches we partnered amazed me with their warmth. I loved their worship, it was full of so much life and excitement. And every time we saw them, they would greet us with a kiss. Most of all, they are so in love with God. You could see their passion. It was the first time that I saw a bigger picture of missions. Since we were only there for ten days, we could only share the gospel with only so many people, but they are there for a lifetime. The best thing we could do is encourage them and empower them to do more than we ever could for the people there, and that’s exactly what I saw happen.

Leading the team was definitely not an easy task, but it was so rewarding. I came into this trip hoping to see members of this team stretched and wanting so much to be part of their growing experience, and God immediately answered that prayer as soon as we arrived. The first night of ministry, we presented our dramas when afterwards a swarm of people approached Pastor Roger for prayer and one after another they were being healed. The first person was an elderly woman who was blind but after our prayers she was able to see. She began to cry afterward and was so grateful to God for what He had just done. Because there were too many people to pray for, Pastor Roger eventually had each of us pray for someone. What we thought would be a 40 minute outreach event, turned into hours of prayer ministry. As each team member prayed, they each saw God work through them to heal someone of a physical ailment. This experience had a great impact on our team; I saw people get excited over the power of prayer and what God could do through us. Many of them had never experienced prayer like this before and they were amazed at what happened that night. It was a faith building encounter and caused people on our team to see God differently and to truly embrace how powerful He is.

On a more personal note, I knew going into this trip I wanted to feel more of God’s presence in my life and I see how He did that a number of times throughout the trip. God showed me that His hand was over me as I saw Him directly using me and working in me. One night at one of our evening outreaches, I met a woman who caught my eye. She was seeking prayer, and though I could have gone to anyone, she was the one that somehow drew my attention. When I approached her, she shared her story about her aunt having cancer, and it struck a chord in me and very much mirrored my own aunt’s story. It broke my heart and even before I could pray for her I burst into tears. I shared with her how God has used my aunt’s illness to bring great change to my extended family, and as I shared, she shared even more about her family and their problems as well as her own physical ailments. My heart went out to her and I felt so led to pray for her. The more I prayed, the more passion was stirred in me and the more I just wanted to cry out for her. Then suddenly in the middle of our prayer, she jolted a bit and afterward told me that all her pains were completely gone. Her throbbing headache and restlessness was completely gone. She had previously felt like demons were following her and was filled with fear, especially at night, and all that was gone. She was so overjoyed and filled with relief that she began to cry. I was so thankful that God allowed me to talk to someone in such a personal way and that He directed me to her. What were the odds that my personal life testimony would be exactly what I needed to help this woman? It really was God ordained.

Along with God answering prayers, He also took this time to challenge me. The first night of ministry, I was given the task of presenting the gospel to the crowd watching our dramas. I was so nervous during my message and so unsettled afterward – public speaking, especially preaching to a large crowd, is far from my favorite thing to do. From that day on, I felt so inadequate as a speaker. I tried so hard to avoid any public speaking, and simply passed the responsibility to someone else. One night, however, my pastor was talking to the three of us that were leading the team and we were sharing our struggles with our inadequacies, and he was telling us how we can’t grow if we don’t challenge ourselves. It was a very good point and made me realize that I was simply doing tasks that I knew how to do, that I could already do well. I was clinging on to my comforts and not trying new territory. From there I was convicted to take on one full day of preaching responsibilities. The next morning we started off at a school, although I was exhausted, I felt my energy increase as I continued to speak to the children and somehow all the right words came out. It was definitely the Holy Spirit. I saw how God used me as I spoke throughout the day and how He truly placed in me a heart for the people each time I spoke. Every time I spoke, it was something different, and each time I felt like these words came from thoughts God had placed in my heart.

Even later that night I was able to preach (as in give a sermon) at a youth service. The minute I walked into the room, I felt like God placed in me a conviction to speak a particular verse to the youth leaders at that church, though I wasn’t sure why. Once again I saw how God directly used me. The leaders of that ministry were actually quite young and I realized that I had prayed for them the other night at a previous youth rally. God had given me words to encourage them then and He was giving me words to encourage them again. It really felt like God brought us together that initial night to continue it again this night. Throughout the day, I saw that God acknowledges our obedience and He uses it. It had nothing to do with my own abilities, but everything to do with my willingness to be used by God.

The biggest lesson God showed me was simply to hold on to my faith. I realized that compared to other trips, I had so much more confidence in how God could use us. It felt so much easier reading the gospel to people despite my broken Spanish, and there were times I really felt God’s presence during our drama presentations. Usually the dramas don’t make me cry, but during certain days, they would make me tear up. God was really in everything we did. And through all this, I felt like God was asking me how come I could trust Him so much on the mission field but not in my life in the States. I think He was reminding me that He is a constant God and that despite all my fears and doubts back home, He can provide for me. The God of the mission field is the same God that is in Baltimore. So the greatest challenge now for me post missions is to continually seek God in my everyday life and see where He takes me. A lot of things are uncertain in my life right now, and really, if it weren’t for me trusting God right at this very moment, I might be completely crushed by the things surrounding me. So I am grateful for what God has shown me and I hope that I continue to cherish in my heart everything He has shown me.

Thank you again for all your support. I know that I was only able to experience so much because of how much you were all willing to give.

          

One thing I know for sure is that I am constantly struggling and wrestling with God, but at the same time He continues to grow me and broaden my perspective on this world and on my life. I am constantly reminded of how weak I am, and yet how strong God is and how that is more than enough for me.

Part 1: Grace Life Church

This past year I have been working at Grace Life Church (GLC) in Baltimore as their administrative assistant. Some people may think that I am wasting my time. Why would someone like me, who has a bachelors of science degree in molecular and cellular biology from Johns Hopkins University, take on a job like this? I've heard some people, one person in particular, say that they are disappointed in my decision and that I've wasted this time away. As hurtful as some of these words are, God continues to show me that presently I am where I am supposed to be.

Working at GLC has been such a blessing, and I feel lucky to have been a part of what God is doing here. For those unfamiliar with my church, we are actually a network of churches, and we believe in planting churches throughout Baltimore to make an impact on this city. Each church is focused on a different community or shall I say "people groups" (for you Perspectives folks). The branch I am most invested into, Stepping Stone Ministry (SSM), is located on the Johns Hopkins campus and ministers to the undergraduate students. Our downtown church is more focused on young working adults and professionals as well as graduate students. And our third church, which is still in the planting stages is focused on the artist community that is quickly growing in Baltimore.

These past few months at SSM have been amazing. God has been so good. This semester we have been doing more outreach events than ever before. Typically we might get 15-20 people coming to these events, but now, we've been getting 70+ people who typically would never step into a church or even consider interacting with Christians. It's nothing we've done, but everything He's done. For me personally, I have seen God answer my prayers in raising up a prayer team specifically composed of SSM folks. Our intercessory team went from 1-2 people to about 20 consistent prayer warriors every week praying for Baltimore, for our ministry, and for our campus. Our ministry is at it's peek. We have more people than ever serving in every capacity possible. People are hungry to serve and hungry to grow and hungry to share God's love.

This ministry has also personally invested into me and has stretched me and grown me in ways I never could have imagined. I have learned this year how to be a worship leader, a role I would have never considered. When I was first asked if I wanted to receive training to be a worship leader, I was speechless. I had no idea why they even considered me, but I'm so glad I took up their offer. I have a greater appreciation for worship and a greater love of seeing people worshiping together as the body. Worship is a beautiful thing and I have learned love it so much more. I have also been leading small group for the junior class and God has shown me so much fruit. Somehow He has allowed me to build relationships with the girls in this class that were never really there before and I am so blessed to be able to see how God is growing each of them so uniquely.

Currently, I am getting ready to co-lead a short term mission team to Lima, Peru. Training has been tiring, fun, and crazy. Who would have ever thought that I would be helping to lead a mission team? I was wrestling with the decision to go and knowing that God would break me through this trip. But there are no regrets. I see more and more why God wanted me to go on this trip. There were the practical reasons why I felt like I could take up the role that was needed, but I wasn't sure if the practical was enough to "convict" me to go. But through preparing for this trip God has allowed me to seek a lot of inner healing that I have needed and has opened my heart to pray more for specific people in my life. Through this role, God has been molding me to be a stronger person, to no longer be that "shy Asian girl" and to be able to confront and correct others in love and not anger, and to know the difference. I know that God is breaking me and forcing me to depend on Him for strength because I don't have any. He doesn't want my self-sufficiency, He wants me to be desperate for Him and to see Him work through that.

I celebrate the fruit of SSM and I'm excited for the future of this ministry. The downtown church has also been a blessing to see at a distance. In just a short time of maybe 2 years, this church has grown so much. Someone that attends this church said it perfectly: "I love this church because I think this is what heaven will look like. There are people of all colors, all backgrounds, all parts of the world gathered in one place to worship God. It's beautiful" (more or less paraphrased). And I truly agree. Every time I visit, I am blessed by how I never stop seeing new faces. And our new church plant, The Light, is reaching a group that typically would never consider Christianity or church as a part of their lives. Who would ever think that there could be such a thing as an artist church? Well there is, and we have it. Though I don't know this church as well, I love the people and I love their love for God. Their expression of worship goes so much deeper than my Type A personality could ever go.

Part 2: Volunteering

Another part of my life is my volunteering. Once again some people have put down my decision to volunteer, saying that it does nothing for me. It isn't a job and it isn't something that really makes a difference. And once again, those words do hurt, but once again God has reminded me that I am where I am supposed to be. Some of you may not be aware of this, but I have invested this year helping out at a domestic violence shelter as well as a Christian pregnancy center. Yes, I have a slight interest/passion for women social/health issues. But I have to say that volunteering at the pregnancy center has opened my eyes so much. Some might think that all I do is jam a pro-life view down these girls' throats who come through the doors of our center, but that is far from the truth. I have taken up a role as a peer counselor, where I see clients, offer counseling, perform pregnancy tests, and offer mothers with resources for their babies (such as diapers, formula, clothes, etc). Women come in with needs, and I try my best to provide for those needs and to love them the best I can.

Through this experience God has challenged me to be bold in my faith. I've had so many opportunities to share the gospel to people, in fact it's part of my job description. At first I was very shy and timid about it, but God challenged me asking me why I was so afraid to discuss the topic. After all, if He has done so much for me, why am I afraid to share that joy with everyone, strangers included? And through God humbling me and correcting me I've been able to use the gospel as a means to encourage the girls I have met.

Not every experience is warm and fuzzy, though. There are some terribly broken girls and women that come through our doors and it gives me such a greater perspective on life. I end up scolding myself, "Alice, you think you have problems? Well you don't. You are so blessed and you have so much. Stop complaining about what you don't have and be thankful for all God has given you!" The other day a 15 year old girl came in and told me she could not believe in God, because if God was so good how come He took everything away from her? She broke down and she described how one person after another in her family had been killed, including her 1 year old brother who was shot because of drug/gang violence. Who in their right mind purposely kills a 1 year old for not bringing his dad to the door fast enough? The more I heard, the more my heart broke. I couldn't say much, couldn't explain why all this had happened, all I could do was lend a listening ear to give her the opportunity to cry whatever she needed to cry out. It's times like these that I am humbled and I realize how petty I really am.

Overall, this experience has meant so much for me. It has more to do with understanding how to love people and less to do with forcing any belief I have on them. And through it I see God growing me as a person.

Part 3: What's Next?

I honestly don't know. I know I want so badly to be part of the global mission/Christian movement. God has given me this huge heart for missions and I don't want to waste all that away, but I'm not sure what to do with it now. I know that there are ways to be part of missions - I can intercede on behalf of missionaries, I can mobilize others, I can share my passion for mission with others, I can continue to learn more about missions - but most of all I want to go and get my hands dirty. If only I knew how to get there.

I had hopes of getting into medical school, but looks like I'll be reapplying and retaking my MCATs and the busyness never stops. Next year is full of uncertainties. I'll be needing to find another job soon and I'll be needing to figure out new living quarters. I'm not sure if medical missions is on my plate, or if I'm called to something else. Right now I'm confused and stressed, but I know that as long as I hold on to God, the God of the present, I'll be ok. I know things are good, I see the fruit in my life, and I know that I am where I'm supposed to be.

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If you've read all this I am impressed. I don't even know who reads Xanga anymore but I thought it was time I had some verbal diarrhea. Hope you've enjoyed my randomness.