hear me out.

no one ever seems to want to listen to me. i also seem to be the one stuck listening to all of your problems. don't get me wrong i love nothing more then to help someone out, but for once in a very long time could you listen to a little of what's hurting inside of me? you all think you know me so well, you all think you fill some gap, some void inside of me; i'm empty. i'm so empty that i've created this outer shell you all know and love and none of you have yet to crack it. none of you have even penetrated the surface. i have problems too, i hurt too; but what's different from me and you is that i don't force mine upon the world. i don't force all of you to experience it with me. i'm miserable, i truly am and none of you have seen that, i have to write on my xanga that no longer is viewed to get my feelings out because that's how much you don't listen. when i try and open up, when i try and tell you the truth it's as if i'm speaking some kind of foreign language that none of you can understand you contradict me then throw your bigger, better problems at me. i've given up in so many ways i should have won awards for this a long time ago. i complain all the time because there's no other way to get any of your attention. i'm expected to be perky and happy all the time even if i don't mean it. i didn't make myself into this fake lifeless piece of shit i've become, but i did let all of you manipulate me. i can't even be myself anymore because i have no idea who that is, you've taken so much away from me.

for once can't i be the happy one?

When I'm out walkin' I strut my stuff man, I'm so strung out
I'm high as a kite I just might stop to check you out
let me go on like I blister in the sun
let me go on big hands I know you're the one
body and beats I stain my sheets I don't even know why
my girlfriend she's at the end she is starting to cry
let me go on like I blister in the sun
let me go on big hands I know you're the one...

When I'm out walkin' I strut my stuff man I'm so strung out
I'm high as a kite I just might stop to check you out

body and beats I stain my sheets I don't even know why
my girlfriend she's at the end she is starting to cry

When I'm out walkin' I strut my stuff man I'm so strung out
I'm high as a kite I just might stop to check you out

let me go on like I blister in the sun
let me go on big hands I know you're the one

post 5: i can't feel without you.

you touched my heart you touched my soul.
you changed my life and all my goals.
and love is blind and that I knew when,
my heart was blinded by you.

i've kissed your lips and held your head.
shared your dreams and shared your bed.
i know you well, I know your smell.
i've been addicted to you.

i've lost my heart inside my head.
i can't feel without you.

 edit: you know you're concited when you watch the mirror like you watch the t.v. :endedit

post 4: merry fucking christmas

it's early but soon it'll be too late.
a merry christmas to you all.

so, winter break i'm looking forward too; a break from school is what everyone is in need of. i'm planning; scratch that i'm hoping i won't be sober much this break. i'm also hoping i'll be getting trashed with everyone i said i was going to get trashed with. this is our chance you guys; i'm serious. this winter break is the time to party.

i need to start looking on the brighter side.

edit: i've been drunk this entire break. it's a good thing. :end edit

post 3: dig deeper, deeper.

i have spent the past seven and a half months with you, and i'd never take anything back. i've spent more time with you then i ever will with anyone else in an entire life time. i've called you more times then i'll ever actually use a phone. i've laughed more sincerely then i ever have with anyone else. i've smiled like i really meant it with no one else, but you. i've memorized more songs, and song lyrics because they all remind me of you. i've thought more deeply about you then i ever have about any stupid school assignment. i've never slept more soundly then i have in your arms. i'm not, and i'm never going to let peice of shit people like them ruin something that i've been working for, for so long. i won't let them manipulate and mold me into believing what foolish lies they have to tell in the first place. the thought of smashing their faces into the ground has never sounded better. i'm not going to lose you. the only time i've enjoyed being lost, is getting lost in you. i've never felt more freedom or more comfort then around you. i've never loved like i love you, i'll never feel like i feel you. my legs have never shaken and buckled in because of someone else. my words have never been more truthful then when i say the words "i love you". i've never been more hurt then to think that there might be a day without you in it. and too those certain few people that don't know when to keep their mouths shut, and too those certain few people that enjoy starting shit. dig a little deeper in those holes you've already dug for yourself, because i will fucking burry you.

fucking burry you.