FUCK YOU
your selfish
your an asshole
Noone....NO ONE will ever be there for you like i was
you dont care
i know....
ive come to realize it.
im sick of you
your nothing but poison in me
you've always been.
but i always come back to you.
thats all u ever are to anyone.
everyone admits it... just not to ur face.
i'll be here
of course
but FUCK YOU..... FUCK YOUU
your selfish and noone will ever b there for you again.
im leaving.
and im leaving u here.
im glad i didnt decide to take u with me
who wants to take poison to another town.
so u can fuck with ppl there too?
fuck no.
your moms right.
we arent any good for each other.
but of course she doesnt realize that its YOU
you'll never be happy
and noone will ever be happy with you

noone.
u dont deserve anyone or anything.
and in the end you WILL have noone and nothing.
thats wht u deserve.
your beautiful.
but inside... the part that u let out. is UGLY
and DISGUSTING
P O I S O N
......
i hope your happy..... dont run back to me.
i wont be here.
you dont deserve it.
♥

186.4
i went all the way up to 193 and managed to come back down to this again.
only a friends comment is wht helped me yesterday. pissed me off but helped
yesterdays intake- beer only
ha i know that sux because thats wht makes me fat teh most but fuck it.
.
so last night i got drunk. my friends were asleep. sat ouside n talked to a boy i dont normaly hang with bout how shitty life is n how it sux to be single haha. made me feel even more crappy bout the  situation. blah. ive almost given up alltogether on ppl guys n girls. whts funny is i always say things like i prolly wont ever get married n i just want kids, no husband lesbian gf. but im realy serious bout it now. all relationships end up nothing. n if they do go on to something else u end up stuck in a shitty house, with bills up the ass running around cleaning while kids run around n shit everywhere. ugh
i dont want that life. ide rather stay this lonely shit that i am. blahhh.
so as for the rest of my life... im taking cna classes... not the best job in the world but hey. ive got nothing else going for me rt now, also. i was going back to counceling butttt the stupid one in town wont see me he says    
.
"ive dealt with cases of cutting and im fine with counseling you for that ... but you have an eating disorder adn i dont let myself handle that at all....i dont have the training and i just dont like to deal with it"
.
it kinda felt like a "fuck u n go home ur stupid" ughhh n i cant pay for gas to go to a diff counselor outta town. which sux cause i havent ever been this bad at cutting. i hide it, n im good at it. which makes it all that much easier to do it. and i run to it every time. for any little thing. this last time was the worst tho. but i had good reasoning. blah. okay it was stupid but it was somethin that hit me hard. u know when ur exxpecting somethin n waaaaaay hopeful and then u get the opposite and it smacks u in the face ahhh shutup.. c/s
.

well i guess i'll end this for now... hopefully.... HOPEFULLY.. no food today, im gunan try.
<3 comment
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186.4
185.4
184.8
184.4
184.2
♥

 

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Binge...Purge...make more room... binge again.then purge.....so on
i cant stop
im serious this time.im ashamed of myself. im fat, disgusting and stupid.
its comfort. thats wht it is to me. its the only time i feel im getting anywhere.
cramps at the moment are unbearable
with each one i feel even more stupid.
why did i let myself get to this point

intake
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