august.twenty.twothousandsix

peace out summer....

i'm pretty sure this is the part where i should say something nogalstic.....but i won't. this summer happened, and its over. thinking about it won't bring back all the amazing camp memories (both of mizzou and mennoscah), or the inside jokes, or the random adventures. and it won't bring my ceej back. i have to face it. i'm finally growing up....i'm realizing i only have 2 years left of high school.

i'm goin out with a bang.

august.eight.twothousandsix

schedule:

1.enriched precalc [elkin]/2.spanish2 [christman]/3.chemistry [shireman]/4.yearbook [dempsey]/5.expos.writing [sumpter]/6.adv. debate [good]/7.ap.euro.hist. [damitz]

i end and start the day hard! agh!

on a lighter note...softball has been ok. why we play when its dark out, i dont know. but i'm pretty glad i decided to keep playing this year. well, not physically, i feel like an old woman! but i think this year will be ok.

<3

august.six.twothousandsix.

i'm depressed right now. i have a lot on my mind and i don't know if i am actually ready for school and softball to start.

and i wish i hadn't fallen. because there's this whole problem where i can't seem to pick myself up again. i just lay here, and he doesn't even realize the reason i fell is because of him.

fin.

ps....happy birthday allen! congrats on becoming legal....i guess.

e.d.i.t.

i'll be honest. and i'll sound whiney. but i dont care. this is to all of my friends from mennoscah [well, most].

i am irritated. i miss you guys very much. and i wish i could see you guys. and it seems that you guys can find time to say "hey, lets get together" and actually see eachother. believe it or not, i would like to be included. just because i'm a little farther away doesn't mean i can't still see you guys. it feels like sometimes i'm just your friend for the week because after camp, its like i dont/cant see you for the other 51 weeks of the year.

so...whatever.

july.thirty.twothousandsix.

camp...what do i say??

firstly...it was wayy tough being around allen. yeah, i'll admit it. but as the week progressed, i got a little better. it just takes self control. so...to those who actually monitor my progress....i actually have progress to monitor. lol

secondly...i'm growing. i'm changing and i can't just sit back and let it all happen. i realized this week that the whole "do it on my own" thing? yeah, i don't have to do that. its ok for me to have a "foundation" persay...now i just need one that doesn't leave. i'm working on building something (someone) i can trust.

thirdly...i am in love with people from kansas (well, the ones i spent the week with). its so hard to find amazing people like that. ones who you can call your brothers, sisters...family. you only spend a week with these people yet you feel like you are best friends. this week was so emotional, you have no idea how important it was to have you guys as friends.

fourthly...arg i duno, it just feels so good to be out there, away from it all for a whole week with (mostly) amazing people.

can't wait for next year....although i say we should get together before then!

what do you call a pretty girl in a mennonite church??

[[a visitor!!]]

<3

[[edited on august.first]]

i have to admit...the worst part about mennoscah is coming home. i know i don't belong here. i belong with my family in kansas. ya kno. with my brother, b. and joylin, and sarah, and shell, and mick...mick. hmm...

anyway...im not ok. and i probably won't be for some time. this is the hardest week to come away from.

i'm not ready to end this. and i'm not ready to change.

july.twentyeight.twothousandsix.

camp.

alot more emotional than i thought it would be.

but i survived.

possibly even became stronger.

[[memories&stories later]]