justdoit118's Xanga Site

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holy oh my gosh hell. yesterday was crazy! me and my mom aren't talking shes saying how she cant ever trust my boyfriend. wowwwww. but whatever so i have been crying alottttt. so tonight i had to run up and down the stairs at my school 25 times to make up gym then i hit up bally's i rode the bike for 25 min then did 20 min of abs. then i reffed and i just got home i ran for 25 min on the tred took a shower did a facial mask painted my nails cause i fucking deserve it after all teh shit im going through, i ahvent eaten much so hopefully i'll be loosing!! oh my im soooo happy my pants are baggy! and people are noticing my weight loss! yay meeee. i want to be down to 118 by june 17 and right now im 124!!! thats a 6 poound difference from when i first started this blog. by the end of summer i want to hold a 110 and keep it there forever. for my height i think i could be at least 105 for 5'9? thats the ultimate goal. but ill kee my head at a steady pace. i hope you all are doing great. and stay strong!!!

struggling.

that is the best word to describe my self. ugh so i'm pretty sure my mom hates my boyfriend and it upsets me soooo much cause i actually like him. i love him for gods sake. like when we are with friends me and him always fight or are difficult with each other. please tell me someone else knows what thats like to get into fights all the time only infront of people. maybe im just crazy. i also dont like pda. so when im with friends and him i dont like kissing him or like massive cuddling. maybe im just a cold person. but anywho today i did better then yesterday. still struggling away. my fat self cant seem to give up the poison thats keeping me this way. i wish i could be like in 8th grade when i never ate. ugh i have no self control i had like a 2 bowls of kashi cereal and 4 pieces of 35 calorie whole wheat bread. i need to cut out carbs. thats just asking to add a lump of fat on my ass and some jiggle to my middle. i want to be skinny. why is that so hard to ask? i hate myself and looking in mirrors. this sucks. i hope you dolls are doing better than myself. stay strong sexii mamas!

confused.

well i'm going to go on a shpeal lol on my life before my shamu problem. my friends i dont get. the ignore me yet coome to me. they call want to hang out with me but ditch me at school its like fuck you man. i dont need your shit i got more friends but its like whats the deal? but today i had a bad day is houldnt have eatten out but i did after i worked out too im so fucking stupid i cant handle my self. ugh i need self control and i need it fastttttt! i got a good book you all should read is called skinny bitch! oh my god its modivating i biked for 45 min and read it its amazing go get it!! well im gunna go walk of the flub stay strong babes!

over a month!

hey loves.
it has been way to long i have been way to busy with track two jobs ap and all sorts of shit. but you know what happened to tag along is a mighty fine weight gain. and purging. i have been purging up mostly every thing yet i gain like a cow. i hate myself i really do i have no self control and i feel sorry for my fat ass self. a girl i hate the nasty whore who cheated with my best friends boyfriend has lost so much weight thanks to an ed. and i cant even loose one pound what the fuckkk. another thing is the laxtive use is back. ughhh. i want to loose 15 pounds before school lets out. pray for the best 500 cal. a day and work out everyday no if ands or butts. i need all the support i can get. stay strongs ladies. use me as an example of what wiill happen with weakness.