Sleep Routine

Dear Esmerelda,

Just Remember to Breathe

My little princess turned 4 months old today. I had mentally planned out an entire blog entry to recap, highlight and share her little life's journey so far. All this complete with photos of my little cutie patooey.

Unfortunately, as with many mums with a new baby, life got in the way. I woke up with a pounding headache and as the day progressed Esmerelda got really fussy and cranky. Nothing but being held and having a cool teething ring to gnaw on soothed her. All attempts to lay her down so I could take a quick bathroom break, or grab a quick few minutes to heat up something to eat, or laying her down to change her diapers were met with ear piercing screams. These screams went on and off all afternoon and well into the night. I often wonder if my neighbours have gotten tired of her screams and are starting to blacklist me as a neighbour from hell. Worse, what if they thought that I was abusing or torturing my little girl and contemplated calling social services on me.

I had to constantly remind myself to breathe as Esmerelda struggled and fought me as I tried to change her diapers all the while screaming her head off till her face was turning red. It's not her fault. Nope not at all. She was feeling really crappy because her gums were bugging her and the only way she could communicate to me that she was in pain. I tried all ways and means to comfort her. I bounced her in my lap. Made goofy faces to try to make her laugh. Read to her, which always calms her down. Watched Sesame Street and sing her favourite songs to her. She would calm down, smile, and laugh for a brief moment before scrunching up her face and scream again.

Personally, nothing hurts me more than when I am unable comfort and soothe my little girl. She was not able to settle down for the night so I resorted to giving her a dose of infant tylenol a couple of hours ago so that she could get some relief from the pain. I held her while reading one of her favourite books and I noticed she was a little bit more calm than she had been all day. I fed her after we had read the book twice and she slowly drifted off to sleep in my arms. I waited a while more before I put her down on the bed and she has been asleep ever since. 

SIGH.

It has been a rough day. 

Though, tomorrow is a new day and it can only be a better day.

Ezzy's First Video Clip

Was working out to Shaun T (trying to lose weight or at least not to gain) when Ezzy woke up when there was less than 10 minutes left to the routine. I started working out in front of her and she was smiling and chuckling away. Seeing this, I picked up my point and shoot camera and decided to document Ezzy's reaction. Well, instead of looking at me she was definitely more interested in what was going on on TV. *grin*

I know the video could have been better put together but I wanted to get this out and Ezzy has been really fussy all day long. Will do better in future short clips.

Bathroom Time is my Thinking Time

The things I think about while sitting on the john. Maybe it is because time in the bathroom is the only time I have some me time to myself or maybe my mummy brain works in very funny ways. Anyways, here's what jumped into my mind the other night. I have an image of a lady I would hope and like Ezzy to grow up to be, however, who am I kidding??! Of course she is going to grow up to be someone she wants to be and it will most certainly be a big opposite of what I had hoped for. At this point, I got annoyed at the future grown up Ezzy before smacking myself mentally as I was in future Ezzy's position. I had my own ideas of how I would like to be as a person which clashed a lot with what my dad had expected of me.

Even though Ezzy is only 15 weeks old, I'm already struggling with my own expectations of her with the need to give her the freedom to be who she wants to be .... provided she is a sensible and responsible human being with high levels of common sense. See what just happened there? I remind myself that she will be her own person and I want to enable her to make her own choices, but then I go and add a clause to how she can and should go about making those choices. It's giving her freedom within certain limitations.

Am I the only parent out there that is trying to grasp the concept of encouraging your child to be whoever they want to be and secretly hoping that they will listen to what you want them to be? Am i the only parent who battles with trying to strike a harmonious balance of being a parent (setting limitations) and allowing your child to be who they want to be?

Don't get me wrong. I want her to be happy. Though, I'm definitely going to be one big emotional wreck when she starts to learn how to talk and will be able to express her feelings and thoughts. 

So... erm... Are my thoughts making sense to you or are these thoughts only making sense to me in my confused, babbling mummy mind...?

Esmerelda at 6-Weeks-Old

Dear Bubbly,

My dear lil princess (daddy's lil monkey), you turn 6-Weeks-Old today. Where did the time go????! 

You're starting to stay awake a lil longer these days and you don't scream as much as you did before. If you have been fed good and well rested, we could have a good 15-20 minutes of calm time to interact and talk to you and you would smile and gurgled and cooed back at us. You also like to look at your name that we have above your changing table which sometimes distract you from screaming while you get changed. I like to think you follow my finger as I point out the letters that spell out your name. Maybe it's just because the letters are black in contrast to the white wall and I read that babies are attracted to items in black and white. However, I'd like to think that you, my lil princess, is one smart lil cookie. Now, if you would only stop confusing your days and nights. Mummy would love to sleep more on the bed than sleeping while sitting on the sofa with you. 

Love,
Mummy

PS : Your 外婆 (Wai Po) insisted I take a photo of your eyes so that she can document the colour of your eyes. Well, as much as Mummy dearest here would love for you to have light coloured eyes, I am not sure you lucked out to have bluish eyes like your Daddy.

Miracle Wraps

I never realise how strong mums connect with one another even if you've never spoken to them before or knew of their existence. It had been very encouraging and heartening to have friends whom i've not been keeping in contact with much reaching out to me to ask me how I am doing with being a new mum. I haven't been talking about my experiences as a new mum for fear of being judged and critiqued about how I manage stress and my methods of looking after my own lil one. That and I have just been simply too tired and couldn't care about blogging about anything.

Last night while Ezzy had finally settled for a nap in the evening, an old friend in New Zealand (whom I've chatted with on and off for the last 12/13 years or so) popped onto Facebook and asked how I was doing. Well, that just opened up a whole flood gate of emotions and a "let-me-tell-you-all-about-my-concerns-and-troubles" ensued. When I shared with Chez that I had trouble settling Ezzy into the bassinet for nap and sleep times or how she would scream bloody murder every time she was changed and how the screams would get deafening if you don't pick her up right away because it was her way or no one's ears are safe from her cries. Chez promptly recommended me the Miracle Wrap. Miracle Wrap is like a super long swaddle blankie that allows the baby to be swaddled safely and snugly. I love it only cos the swaddles I have are now too short or small for us to wrap Ezzy in them. Anyways, we looked around the web for a place for me to purchase one and unfortunately I am desperate enough to want one now now that I was really not willing to wait 7-15 days for it to be delivered. Chez managed to locate a store here in Edmonton that carries it (although they recommend that we call to check to see if they actually have the item in the store). I have heard of Westcoast Kids and some of the awesome parents at daycare had bought stuff from them for Ezzy but I was a cheapskate mum-to-be and now being a cheapskate new mum I really don't want to spend lots of money on stuff that Ezzy will outgrow very quickly. Anyways, I was thrill to have a store I could go to get the Miracle Wrap and would be calling them tomorrow to ask them if they actually have it in the store.

In the meantime, I started browsing the other items that Westcoast Kids carry in their store and available for online purchase too. There is a potty in there that I would like to get when it is time to potty train Ezzy but one of the items that really got me shaking my head was an electronic warmer for baby wet wipes. Wow, they seriously do come up with everything and anything these days eh? Sorry Ezzy, mummy is not spending CDN$44 (before tax) so that your bum will be wiped with a warm wet wipe every time you need to be changed. Nuh uh. Not happening. I can rinse and wash your bum with warm water but you always let out ear deafening screams when that is being done too. So if warm water is not to your liking what makes Mummy dearest think that you would prefer warm wet wipes on your bum? Yea, you can buy one of those for your own baby when you have one. Hopefully that doesn't happen till you are at least 25.

Guess I'm willing to dole out CDN$40 for an oversized swaddle and blanket but not willing to cough up CDN$44 for something I feel is rather gimmicky. Not judging other mums who do think it is a good investment but this mummy feels that her lil one doesn't need or want it or know the difference.

Induction Process Part 2

Dear Bubbly,

Time for round 2 of the induction process and we got to the hospital at around 10:45pm. The nice nurses ushered us into a room and then we sat around waiting for the resident to come see us and administer the 2nd dose of Cervidil. While we were waiting, mummy was hooked up to the baby monitor to monitor your heart rate and movement. I did let the nice nurses know that you are normally very active around this time of night and sure enough you put on a show and your heart rate was spiked up a lil bit.

 Just shortly after midnight, mummy informed the nurses attending to me that I felt some leakage and that this has never happened before. I was to find out later that my water had started to rupture. So while we were sitting and waiting in room #4 in the assessment and induction unit, there was a flurry of activities and nurses were coming and going. Daddy and myself settled in for a long wait and both of us fell asleep till about 3am when we were ushered into the labour and delivery ward. As we walked to the labour and delivery room, I did a quick look around the admission and induction ward to realise we were the last two people there. 

 As I settled into the bed (that was definitely more comfortable than the one I was lying on in the admission and induction ward), we were inform that I was most likely going to be administered the 2nd dose of Cervidil and sent home for another 12 hours. At this point in time, I have yet to have either a resident or doctor examine and attend to me after being in the hospital for 5 hours. Your Daddy had wanted to go to work still if Mummy were to be sent home to wait another 12 hours, so he left to go home and Mummy would just grab a cab home once the 2nd dose of Cervidil was administered. 

Finally at around 4:15am, the resident on call came into the room and examined Mummy. When she removed the 1st dose of Cervidil from Mummy, it was then confirmed that my water had broke and that Mummy would not be going home till you were born. A quick call to Daddy to let him know what was going on, he called work to let them know what was happening, showered and dressed and drove back to the hospital with mummy’s hospital bags.

We were really hoping to be seeing you soon, at least within the next 12 hours. 

Love,
Mummy

Induction Process

Dear Bubbly,

Well, this morning the nice ladies at the hospital called at around 8:15am to say that mummy and daddy should head down to the hospital in the next 1 1/2hours to get mummy's induction process started a.k.a Getting Bubbly Out Project.We had just sat down for breakfast and honestly were told to just sit around waiting for the hospital to call and mummy wasn't expecting them to call till at least 10am. So both of us had our breakfast with your Wai Po (maternal grandma) and all three of us went to the hospital. Daddy dropped us off before heading back home because the nice guy from Bath Fitter was coming in for round 2 to get the bathroom back splash and tub refurnished and daddy had to be around for that. 

After checking in and doing up the necessary paper work, mummy was ushered to a bed with Wai Po where it took us 6 mins to figure out how to put the hospital gown on mummy. We had a good laugh about it and when mummy finally figured out how the gown should be put on when I layed it flat down on the bed. The induction process was pretty simple and straight forward, they were basically going to insert a medicine (Cervidil) in mummy to start the labour process in hopes of pushing you out soon. After they had done that mummy would have to lie down for an hour to make sure the medicine is working and then sit up for another hour still in bed. While this was going on, the nice nurses and residents attended to mummy and monitored your heartbeat, movements and any contractions that mummy might have. You're such a show off. Anytime they hook mummy up to the monitoring machine you put on a show by moving lots, but when mummy is at home you barely move causing mummy to get anxious at times when you are too quiet. (Right now you're having the hiccups as mummy is typing this.)

2 hours later, daddy came to pick mummy and Wai Po home from the hospital and mummy was told to call the hospital every 4 hours after we left so that I can update the nice nurses the progress of my induction. Before we left, mummy's gynae advised mummy to go walking and walk lots. Also to continue our daily routine instead of sitting at home and waiting for things to happen. By now mummy was super hungry and thirsty as I wasn't allowed to eat or drink during those two hours. So we picked up lunch from Subway and Booster Juice, had lunch at home with your Wai Gong (maternal grandpa), and then mummy sat down and made more cards announcing your birth with daddy. The Bath Fitter guy was still around and trying to get things done and mummy was hoping he would be done by a certain time as mummy wanted to go shopping and needed daddy to drive her to places. 

So after that eventful afternoon, shopping was a success and mummy has called in twice to the hospital to update the nice nurses to mummy's induction process, daddy and myself will be heading back to the hospital for round two of the induction process at 11pm. Not too sure if mummy would be sent home after another 2 hours or if they will be keeping mummy at the hospital. Mummy is hoping to be in labour soon so hopefully they keep me there so you will be delivered soon (hopefully). Mummy and daddy's family and friends are getting really anxious to see your pictures so we hope not to disappoint them and keep them waiting for too long.

In the meantime, round 2 of the induction process is waiting for mummy and off mummy and daddy go to the hospital. We hope to see you soon, our dear lil Bubbly.

Love,
Mummy

Non-Stress Test

Dear Bubbly,

Mummy was at the hospital getting a non-stress test done. Everything was normal. Everything should be as it is. Except that you are not out yet. You got mummy concerned when your heartbeat would spike every so often but I have been told that is normal and is what they wanted and had expected to see. Daddy sat patiently for the 30mins, while the test was being administered. When we left the hospital, Mummy was craving for a Slurpee and it was a bonus when I discovered that they had Strawberry Limeade as one of their flavours. Mmmmmm YUMMY! Freezing cold, sweet and sour all at the same time. Mmmmm!

Last night, mummy had some cramps and pains that were a little more intense than usual so in typical mummy fashion I was quietly cheering that contractions had finally started. Turns out ... mummy's body needed to do a #2. Yeah, texted a few of mummy's friends and your daddy and they had a good laugh at mummy. *shrugs* Glad to know mummy can still provide comical relief for friends and family.

Nothing else has changed other than mummy feeling more cramps than usual. Am hoping you have or will decide to come out on your own freewill. But for now, mummy's going to go about her day and try not to sit around and wait for you. Although my big belly with you snuggled in as snug as a rug in a bug is a constant reminder that you are not here yet. *pout* 

Here's mummy going to finish up some DIY projects and see how the day goes. Oh and it is the first day of Autumn, maybe you have decided to be an Autumn baby. Leaves are turning a nice hue of yellows and browns. Mummy has always loved Autumn colours so maybe that is another incentive for you to come out? Maybe .... ?

Love,
Mummy

Time for You to Come Out & Play 

Dear Bubbly,

You heard what your dear doctor had to say about not being here in our arms by now, right? Your choices are to come out on your own freewill or you're going to be forced out next Monday. Your call. Mummy dearest here is getting a non-stress test done at the hospital to make sure everything is ok with you. You're not even born and yet you're making everyone worry about your situation and health. Such a drama queen in the making you are. Also, daddy's begging for you to come out so mummy can get off his back and nerves because I am driving him crazy with being whiny and cranky ALL DAY LONG!

To entice you to come out, daddy and I added some final touches to the wall above your changing table last night and he himself said that it looked pretty nice.

So again. Come out. Pretty please?

Love
Mummy