kaiser2682's Xanga

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Sat, 09 Aug 2008 02:24:34 GMT

It seems as if times goes so much faster the older you get. It is hard to believe I have been in my current position for over three months already. The job is going better now that I have caught up what the old manager failed to do and cleaned up all of his messes. Now my biggest challenge has been to get organized. I would say the more organized you can keep yourself, files, customer complaints, reports and what not the easier it is to run the business. I have gotten my assistant to go along with me and we created a process board to keep track of what needs to be done, what has already been done and when, along with a communications board to let my thirty associates know what is going on currently and upcoming events. Still biggest problem is how do you performance manage a team when we are in a recession and people seem to just buy what they need to get buy instead of buy premium appliances, add ons, or protection agreements. And of course add on sales and protection agreements are the biggest thing I get measured on. But oh well thus far out of three months we have exceeded standards one month. So even though things are going better at work I am so tired of retail hours. What I wouldn't give to work a job that is even 8am to 6pm and weekends off. The thing is I doubt I could make as much money. But is money as important as job satisfaction.
In other news I am really feeling old now and being responsible. Three weeks ago I became eligible for my 401k matching program at work so now I have an retirement investment account. Then the second part of feeling is old is the fact that I am house hunting right now. Found a place that I am making an offer on right now. Seems like a great investment property. It is a bank repo that someone else had already begun to fix up in one of the historic districts of Indianapolis. So all the foundation work is done and the house is solid, it just needs a lot of cosmetic work like new windows, replacing the vinyl siding with hardy plank, new hardwood floors, and a bunch of landscape work. Of course the landscape work is no problem since I have worked landscape/horticulture for eight years before working for Sears. Anyway the house is bank owned and they are asking $42,000 but two months ago they were asking $54,000 so I would say they are desperate to sell. Making an offer of $30,000 and see what they say. If was able to buy it at that, put about $15,000 into it and comps in the neighborhood sell for between $95k-120K. With that it would be a good investment and the neighborhood is pretty cool. Like said it is in a historic area with a very active neighborhood association that has monthly get togethers. So if all goes well I will be moving to http://www.cottagehome.info/ Cottage Home. So yes between starting a 401k and buying a house I feel like an old responsible person. Now I just need a husband and I will be the perfect adult.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 04:15:10 GMT

So I did not move east, north, south or west for work. I ended up staying right here in the thriving metropolis of Indianapolis, Indiana. I had received a couple different offers with Sears at different stores but I ended up getting an offer from the store I trained at. I wanted to move and try a new city but the offer to stay was too good to turn down. You can't beat a 25% raise. So now I am the store manager of appliances and electronics. The job isn't bad, a lot of stress at times trying to drive my team of thirty associates to meet company sales metrics and other goals. And well what makes meeting some of those goals difficult is that I don't believe in part of what we do. One major metrics I am graded on is how many new credit cards we open. With the country and its citizens already so far in debt I just cannot see how we can ethically push credit the way we do. I mean at the store we open around four hundred new cards a month for people to instantly rack up thousands of dollars in debt purchasing items such as LCD TVs or expensive front load washers and dryers that no one actually needs. I think so many people confuse their wants and needs in today's society. No one needs a flat panel television but everyone seems to want one and will try to split the cost of one across multiple credit cards just to make the purchase. But just goes to show how messed up American society is with what is it 70% of our economy being based off consumer spending.
Off the soap box now the job isn't that bad really I mean it is a huge opportunity taking over the store business I did. It is a ten million dollar business that I have assumed responsibility for and thus far after almost two months we aren't doing too bad, seem to be adjusting well now. After the first month I was so stressed out I almost had a nervous breakdown. Sure it had something to do with the fact that I did not take a day off for 25 days. I am accustomed to the work load now and actually taking the days off and relaxing. The only bad part I foresee is that I am going to have to fire my current assistant and hire a new one. I like my current assistant and he is a really nice guy but at the same time he is a slow worker and just cannot keep pace with me. He likes to take too many breaks, hang around and chat some and then the worst part is that when I am not there he cannot seem to think for himself and recognize what has to accomplished. First I have to begin a formal write up with him but it will be hard because he has become a good friend just not a good assistant. Add to that the fact that he is 45 with a wife and a kid just entering college but got to learn to separate my personal feelings from my work responsibilities because if I do not do something I will have to carry all the extra work load he is not accomplishing for me.
Other than work my life is kind of boring at times. I go play poker with the guys some and occasionally go out to the bars, like last Sunday went and caught the drag show. Went out with a fellow manager and an associate and turns out that through one person I told I am out to pretty all other managers and most associates because of her being very gossipy. But not a single person has ever said anything negative towards me because of it and well that is saying something. Other new things with me is as a stress reliever I bought a kayak and have been going out on the lake and rivers around here every day off when the weather is nice. Pretty fun just going out on the water and paddling around, going over small, key word small rapids, and soaking up the sun. There is a kayak club here in town that think I am going to join so have people to go out and paddle with. So besides this guess I just need to update my journal more often so I have something to go back and read to remember each stage of my life.
And oh yeah happy 26th birthday to me today.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 01:07:13 GMT

God I hate being indecisive. As I have stated before I am a store manager in training for a large department store and well my training is now over and I am on the job hunt for my own store to run. Anyway I had an phone interview and received an offer in Racine, Wisconsin today but I am just not sure that I want to move there or what I should do. Do I want to move 250 miles away and to someplace colder with more snow. Or do I want to wait and see what other positions I can find. I can probably get a job managing an Sears Auto Center in Nashville and make more money because I know the district manager but at the same time I have no clue how to run an auto center. So what should I do. I am driving to Racine Wednesday to spend that day and Thursday in the area to see if I like it.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 02:17:59 GMT

Once again no posting for a long time. I just hate writing, it was always my least favorite throughout all my years of school. My last post was rather depressing and I am actually doing better than ever with the passing of my grandpa and my grandma even though she passed 7 years ago. I think the reason is that I know they are together again in spirit and gives a sense of closure.
Next I hate our current government system and the way the world is going. It seems that it is impossible to get ahead and that no one looks at the big picture anymore. One example of the impossible to get ahead is that a new calendar year begins and all of a sudden I am making less money, not because of a demotion at work but because someone thought it was a good idea to raise taxes yet again so now I am taxed an additional 2% of my salary. I know I could pay less and claim a deduction but right now the government takes away 32% of my check. That is ridiculous, why should I pay more for nothing I use. When I retire there will be no social security, I have health insurance, and I don't need welfare nor should I be responsible for lazy people or those who decide to have kids while financially unstable. I see these lazy ass girls as work, both black and white, that are hardly out of high school and knocked up or already have kids working a $7 an hour job raising kids. Why should I give up my money for them. It is not like I can afford to pay more for their mistakes. I could use that money I pay out in taxes for services I should not be responsible for to eliminate my debts caused by going to college to make a better life for myself. I know and agree that I need to pay taxes to help pay for services local, state and federal government provides. What I would prefer is that you pay taxes kind of like utility bills. You use the roads, pay 1% of your income for that service, public transportation .5%, law enforcement and emergency services 2% and so on. Yeah I know that would be difficult to ever do but if I saw what my tax dollars were going towards I would feel much better. I am aware that half of federal tax income goes to the Pentagon but on the state and local level a vast amount is welfare and why. Are we some socialist nation with a free ride for all no matter their bad decisions, no. We are a strong capitalist nation, we fend for ourselves and need to instill those values of accountability and personal responsibility into every citizen. Civil liberties need to be fair for all citizens to give all a equal standing but besides that eliminate the free ride.
Next I know people will say that some people don't have a chance because of the system and are already at a disadvantage but that is bullshit. There is opportunity for us all, true some people have more negative influences in hold them back but everyone has a hard life in one way or another, the kid in the ghetto has drugs and gangs but at the same time the middle class kid has more money but working parents and left to fend for themselves and disconnect from their family because no attention is paid towards them they are just given money to smooth over the lack of parental involvement. So the point of this all is fuck increased taxes, give me damn money back, stop all this liberal pussy bullshit and get back to the root of system of government. Let's go libertarian and reduce the central government to a skeleton.
And yeah life is going good I guess, my job is good and I am about done with training. My nine month program ends in April so now I have to apply for a new position as a store manager somewhere. Not sure if I want to stay in Indy or not. I know what position I want to go into now. I want to become a brand central manager which is the manager of home appliances and electronics. So much easier than clothing or hardware because you have larger items so much less moving a bunch of little crap and well I am just not gay enough to be an apparel manager. Eventually I do want to move into the corporate office setting but the more store experience I have the more valuable I am at the corporate level and the higher my salary will be. After my rant about higher taxes at least I am guaranteed about a $6,000 raise when I get a new position out of training. Then more taxes taken out and the cycle begins again.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 23:55:40 GMT

Why is it when life seems to be looking up that bad things always seem to happen. I have been getting better at my job and just started the last part of my managerial training by running my own area of the store, electronics manager for the next four months. My boss and co-workers all like me, whenever a family member is in there they brag about me to them. Social life is good and making new friends in Indianapolis and been on quite a few dates, even one guy really interested in. And then something bad happens. My grandpa died Saturday night. He was doing just fine, no major medical problems but he just randomly died, the nursing home said that he started to refuse to eat for four days but I would think it would take more than that to do him in. But now he is dead at the age of 83, he was the last relative of his generation of mine, the head of the Beck family and now there is just my dad, brother and I. I guess I should look on the bright side that he is in heaven now with my grandma but it is hard to do, hard not to be sad. I need to try and move on past the lost but I am never good processing emotions, my grandma died nearly eight years ago and sometimes when I am alone and think of her I still tear up a bit and I am doing the same now about my grandpa. Maybe I need to go talk to someone about it. I don't really know but I do know he will be missed and I will always have a reminder of the day.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Tue, 16 Oct 2007 03:56:08 GMT

The suburbs, how they annoy me so. My best friend Seth owns a house in the suburbs and I was out there tonight having dinner and drinks with him at a Mexican restaurant and it was so noisy. There was no loud music playing, the noise was all caused by yuppie parents and their loud undisciplined children. I know I want children sometime but damn did that annoy the hell out of me. I could of gone out to any restaurant downtown and it have been quieter, even on musical sing along night at the gay bar. I think the biggest thing that annoys me about the suburbs are that they are horrible wastes of space adding to the issue of urban sprawl and decay. I guarantee most of those people work in the city but refuse to live there because for some odd reason they think it isn't safe or that they need their cheaply built four bedroom home in a subdivision to feel safe and gated off from the dangerous world outside. Of course that is a bunch of bullshit, when I was looking into apartments there is more crime, especially break-ins, in the suburbs than where I live in the city. And yes the yards are smaller and every shopping convenience in the world isn't just a few blocks away, but do you really need all those cheaply made goods manufacturers convince people that they need. Sorry if you lived downtown and heaven forbid their isn't a Walmart within 5 miles of where you live. Try to think beyond the suburban mindset and realize that your subdivision and commuting to work is part of what is ruining our environment, just think about how much good farmland is wasted every year to built more cheaply built houses for commuters, all the strip malls and parking lots, added use of fossil fuels and what all so you can have convenience. Of course these suburban areas are also part of the problem when it comes to the lack of community that we now experience. When these people are so afraid of everything and everyone they seclude themselves from the world and no longer feel a connection to the place and people around them. Look at downtown neighborhoods like mine for example, there are monthly social gatherings for the people in my historic district, I know all my neighbors and I have only lived here a month but lets take my parents, they have lived in the same suburban subdivision for two years and do not know any of their neighbors, no one even came over to say hi when they moved in, yet when I moved here my neighbors had a grill out get together for people to meet. That is community. I can leave my doors unlocked hear with no worries, and I actually have forgotten to lock my door for a whole weekend and nothing happened. I guess there really is no point to this post other than a rant about why suburban living is so destructive in my mind, starting off with a restaurant full of loud and unruly kids. And well to add one more point I just remembered that bothers me about going into the suburbs, everything is so freaking white-washed. I walked into a restaurant of probably a hundred people and besides the Mexican restaurant owners and workers everyone was white middle to upper class, dressed pretty much the same in yuppie clothing, the parking lot full of SUVs and of course yellow ribbon stickers on their cars. Have these people ever heard of diversity, I think not probably because it scares, I bet they drive to their jobs in the city, see a black person or the rainbow flag hanging on the house and think thank god I don't live here. I mean the black people will rob my house and the gays will convert my children. Reminds me of our human resources coordinator at my work, she does our diversity training and makes sure we are making the standards of being a equal opportunity employer but when it is just managers she makes comments about how all the black employees we have are lazy and have to watch them for theft and makes fun of our gay department lead. If these people lived in a diverse area maybe they would open their minds.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 20:54:21 GMT

It seems like I am never in the mood to write in this anymore and it appears that holds true for many of the people that I used to converse with often on here. So I am done with Purdue and ended up taking the management trainee position with Sears Holdings Corporation. I did however chicken out on moving to Chicago with the company. Biggest reason for that being the cost of living in Chicago was much to high compared to Indianapolis. I am paying $480 a month in Indy for all utilities in a one bedroom historic building but in Chicago $480 would not of even gotten me a studio. Then gas and groceries were about 20% more expensive than I am used to. So I am in Indy until at least May when my training is over and then I will probably have to move somewhere else. Of course with the move comes a nice pay increase so can't complain too much, and to Righty you were correct awhile back, 36k is not really that much to live off of. Things are going well, I enjoy my work even though at times I hate retail hours. I have already take two vacations, gotta love paid time off. Just got back from kayaking and hiking in Michigan with a buddy from Windsor, On. And just moved into my aforementioned apartment. It is nice with a fireplace, hardwood floors, French doors leading to my private balcony. And of course I have heavily gayed the place up with buying antique furniture, decorations, and art to fit the time period of the building. Having my own apartment in Indy and being done with school has left me feeling odd, for so much of my life everything has been planned around school semesters, now all there is to do is work. No more saying, oh I can't wait for fall break, now it is, I can't wait for my next day off work. Despite the frightening change of no longer being a student as my title, I am handling it well.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Fri, 04 May 2007 03:08:51 GMT

Who else is sick of gas prices? I filled up my truck and not even a completely empty tank and it cost me $48.50, all I have to say is what the fuck. This is the one time I hate driving a truck, I only get 19 miles a gallon and a 20 gallon tank. I love having a truck to be able to haul anything anytime, go off road, gravel roads, or the dirt roads around here and slide out but I think once I save up a little money I need to buy something more efficient like an Aveo since that is the best mileage vehicle GM sells. Though that could change since they recently revealed their new minicars at the auto show, not sure when or if they will go into production but one can only wish. And of course gas has to hit $3.19 a gallon as I start to date a guy that lives in Chicago. I went up there last weekend and heading up there again tomorrow. The trip takes me 280 miles so 15 gallons of gas, ends up being a lot of money for the trip but didn't spend much on food, he bought me dinner and this coming weekend we are going to see the production of Ragtime, I'm not sure what that is but he enjoys theater and I have the few times I have gone at Purdue. He is a nice guy only two years older than me at soon to be 27, 6'1" so shorter than me but not that much, Spanish/Dominican and does financial services in downtown Chicago. Seems to be a good guy, lives by himself and earns a good wage. Got to do some interesting things, he is part of the gay flag football and softball league. I got to see eight teams of gay guys playing football and they were pretty good, I guess the fall league is much larger but still mind blowing to see something like that. A bunch of gay guys playing football, some were effeminate or queeny but half were just normal guys like would hang out with around the fraternity. Now that brings me to school and the job search. I will be finishing up here in August and finally be done with this place after too long of a time. And since will be done with school comes the beginning of a career, right now I have a job offer that I accepted to do inside seed sales with Monsanto in the town of Monticello about 30 from West Lafayette. I don't really want to do it but it is the only thing I have right now but I really want to get out of this town. My best friend here Laura was thinking about taking a job with Purdue but then after thinking it through decided there is no way she can stand this town any longer and from talking to her I have reached the same conclusion so I'm trying what I can to get out of here. I am still waiting to hear back from Sears Holdings about a offer after a second interview so that could get me to Chicago or Laura's mom is buying a house in Milwaukee for her to rent and Laura said why don't I just pull up and move to Milwaukee and live with her and find a job. So after that conversation I have been looking allover on careerbuilder and such for jobs in either Chicago or Milwaukee. Chicago has a larger gay population and the new guy is there plus lots of activities to do like the gay sports leagues, all the parks I saw to ride my bike, fish and enjoy the outdoors, but Milwaukee is still only a hour to the north side of Chicago and could live with my best friend. The thing is I am too much of a worrier to just move to a new city without having a job yet so probably for me unless I have something first I will be stuck in fucking West Lafayette.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 20:13:09 GMT

So it was Grand Prix weekend at Purdue, really just a long go kart race but gives campus a week long reason to get drunk. A bunch of alumni of my fraternity were back that I have not seen in a long time. It was good to get to see everyone and enjoy some time together going out to the bars, re-hashing old stories and getting caught up on life. The night went very well until the walk home and one of the guys his dad is dying of pancreatic cancer and may only have a month to live. So after a night of drinking him and I were walking back to the fraternity house and he starts to breakdown crying and so I try to comfort him, give big long hug and let him gets his tears out and all he was feeling and of course a car drives by us and ruins a moment of trying to help a brother in need because I am my brother's keeper. A bunch of guys slowed down and took the time to yell gay, fag, and queer at us. He was too drunk and crying to hear it, but I heard every word they said and it is amazing how much that still hurts having random people yell that at you. I thought I was impervious to that by now but that is still hanging with me three days later. Why do those words still hold so much power me when said from other people in such a way. I use those words to describe myself, I am a cornfed queer from the middle of a cornfield, but when someone not a friend uses them in that way it tends to stick around. I can still remember back to summer 2005 when I was living in Cincinnati eating dinner outside at one of the gay restaurant/bars downtown and someone walked by and throw some paper at the guy I was on a date with and called us fags. Why two years later is that memory so vivid or the memory of last spring 2006 when two random guys in the bar I always go to on campus called me a fag after hearing me talk to my friends about my boyfriend. These two guys stood up on the bench and started yelling fag this and that, why don't you go hang yourself from the bridge to help rid the world of fags. The guys got escorted out of the bar and heckled on their way out for what they said but still why did they have to do that, why I did I about punch their lights out because of saying that. Could it be still internalized homophobia making me feel that way because what those people say and do is an attack on my perceived masculinity as if I am less of a man because I am gay and those people are pointing that out to me. When those words come from friends it is in jest and as everyone knows groups of guys that are friends heckle each other all the time and when that happens I just laugh because I have something better and wittier to say back to them. But with random people it always sticks around, that is even true when it is not meant to be rude or hateful but in a simple question. For example one time in the bars talking to a female friend of mine the guy sitting next to her asked if I was really gay because I did not act it, was too big and masculine. That was not rude or hurtful just a question about me because of not knowing gay people that do not fit the stereotypes but that could unlock the key to why it hurts because I care too much about not being taken as less than a man because I am gay. Many people think I have learned that being gay automatically places you on a scale less than man but greater than woman but why is that so, I can beat their knowledge of football, play sports better than many, fix my own car, build a house with my own two hands if need be, and fix anything whether that be plumbing, electrical, carpentry, drywall, or what have you. So why is being gay make all those other masculine qualities useless when stacked up to another man?

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 07:17:06 GMT

So haven't updated in a long time. Just needed to record this date because just got done with a couple hour talk with my best friend of fifteen years about me being gay. He really is the best friend a guy could ask for, he had done research into what it is like to come out and the issues the gay person goes through and how to react and be supportive as a straight ally. Now the only people not out to important to me are my parents. I knew my friend was great but never knew how much so.