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| the verveHappiness
More or less
It's just a change in me
Something in my liberty
Oh, my, my
Happiness
Coming and going
I watch you look at me
Watch my fever growing
I know just where I am
But how many corners do I have to turn?
How many times do I have to learn
All the love I have is in my mind?
But I'm a lucky man
With fire in my hands
Happiness
Something in my own place
I'm stood here naked
Smiling, I feel no disgrace
With who I am
Happiness
Coming and going
I watch you look at me
Watch my fever growing
I know just who I am
But how many corners do I have to turn?
How many times do I have to learn
All the love I have is in my mind?
I hope you understand
I hope you understand
Gotta love that'll never die | | |
| late night...oh boy..
i broke up with moritz. and evrything was fine.. untill this friend of my best friend made friends with him..
complicated, i know..
but so now they hang out with eachother and stuff,,, and i am totally fine with it.
if it werent for them treating me like a raw egg.. like i would fall appart as soon as i hear that they had some drinks together the other week..
hello? we broke up, hes not part of my life anymore, i dont have the rigth to care about what he does anymore..
but they dont seem to get it, and now they have me so far that i don't even know who to trust anymore.
my best firend ana is constantly worried about how i am and she diesnt believeme when i say that i am fine..
and judith is currently hanging out with ppl i just dint feel comfortable with..
and my boys (the ones i met in december, i really love them all, theyre great)
well, two of them moved to this city about 2hours away... and the other one lives about 2hours in the other direction
and the fourth.. well.. we were in london together.. and then he had a crush on me and then i kinda stopped talking to him.. cuz i was kinda disapointed.. i dont know why..
and um yeah..
so everythings basically going down..
a downwards spiral..
kinda
i am fine tho.
i can do what i want to do..
nobody cares if i come home drunk
and i can take someone home with me, or just not come home at all..
some ppl are afraid of freedom cuz it costs a lot of responsibility.
i know a woman, who had to drink 1 bottle of vodka to be "normal".
i respect her. she made it, shes divorced and she does what she wants and since she's sober and "dry" she's really made something out of herself.
hm.. i am gonna go to bed now.. lets see what my weekend brings..
sunday afternoon is a grillparty at anas house.. she invited me today..
she asked if it were ok if moritz and denise would come too..
since when is my best fiend friends with my boyfriend?
they werent friends in the last 4 years...
oh well.. i hope ppl in london arent as complicated as the ppl in germany...
since i loved london.. i am gonna move there someday.. | | |
| The sum of all fears
can't be put into words
it can't be put into a picture
or even be heard.
It's the worst thing
in like ever
don't even think about it
no never.
It's gonna contaminate
your mind.
And as you calm down
it slowly kreeps up your spin.
It tears you appart
and takes a piece away,
and like a puzzle undone
the rest of you goes astray. | | |
| hey there...
ahm.. well.. lotz has happened..
so I'll start from the beginning...
judith and i went out on the 9th december.. and then we wanted to take the bus home at 3.15am but it didnt come..
so i decided to walk to the next town and take the bus there.. and then i saw these boys sitting on a bench at the busstop...so i walked over to them and asked if they knew anything about the bus and if it comes late a lot.. and they said they didnt really know.. and then i told them that there is a bus in the next town and then we walked there with them.. they were four.. so we were 6 ppl walking to the other town.. it was quite fun actually.. and then we were there.. and there was no bus.. it wasnt even mentioned on the plan.. so we went inside the disco that was near that busstop.. and when that one closed we went for another walk.. to burgerking.. and had breakfast and told us jokes.. and then we took the second train home.. that was sooo fun.
anyway.. those four guys are our friends now.. they are soo cool.
anyway.. so we started hanging out a lot with them.. like every weekend since then..
moritz and i got into a "fight" on new years eve, because he knew since august that my friend ana was gonna celebrate in her appartment and that i wanted to go there.. and then two weeks before new years he decided to make a party with his friends.. and when i asked him what we were gonna do on new years he just said "well, i will celebrate with my friend" and then i didnt say anything anymore and l8r on i called ana and told her that i was gonna go to her house on new years.. and then on that new years day moritz asked me if ana was gonna come and i said no and then he asked if i was gonna come and i said no.
and then we got into a huge discussion about our realtion ship and stuff and decided to take a "break"
well, my new years eve was sooo cool. our new freinds came over and we had soo much fun.. we stayd at anas house till 10pm on the next day.. so it was a 24hr party..
and then two weeks l8r moritz and i talked again and he said that he couldnt be together with me anymore (cuz i did things like smoking waterpipe and sleepingover at my friendshouse and stuff)
i was ok with us breaking up. it still didnt really hit me or so.. i feel kinda bad for him tho cuz he realized he made some mistakes and he is really sorry for that.
but then again, i've been talking ot a wall the last 9months and i just dont want to do that anymore..
well.. yeah.. we still talk to eachother when we see eachother.. and we are able to talk like normal ppl do.. so i guess thats ok..
i got a tatoo about a week ago.
heres a pic:
ahm.. yeah.. i like it.. its supposed to be a bird..
birds kinda symbolize freedom. they can just fly away.
thats kinda cool.
well.. i have to do some stuff now..
c yall! | | |
| a big hey to everyone that reads this..
this week as been wierd.. so i thought 'd keep ya updated...
well.. lets see...
saturday my parents moved into their new house.. and sunday we all went to my great-aunts birthday..
and, monday my mom spent the night at my house.. weird huh?
and tuesday too.. and yesterday she and my dad slept in my bed and i slept on the sofa...
oh well..
yesterday i got my drivers liscense.. and a nose and a belly-button-piercing..
thats why moritz is mad at me now.. but i dont really care anymore if he likes the things i do or not..
basically he doesnt like anything i do so, well, anyway...
yesterday was a very exiting day.. my drivin test and two piercings.. wow.. anyway.. i loved it.
ahm.. exept for moritz being pissed again.. but at the moment we are always pissed at eachother so i might as well get used to it...
hm.. what else..
oh... today my parents oficially sold the house to a young married couple that is gonna have its first baby in march...
my cat is getting bigger and bigger.. but not smarter.. oh well.. hes a cat...
ahm.. i am still best friends with ana, which is good.. shes kinda like the sister i never had...
well. i had a sister, that spent the last 10 years with being pissed at me because i was born..
she wanted to be an "only child"...
and when my mom told her that i am gonna get her car she got mad, because she had to buy her first car on her own.. but she never mentioned that my parents payed a private school, an appartment and stuff for her for 2 and a half years... if you were to add that up.. it would be more money than my car is worth.. but my sister doesnt really see that... oh well...
she lives 10minutes away from me anyway-- so i dont mind if shes pissed or not or why or whatever...
well.. actually that is a pretty negative update..
the positive thing is that i have acutally really found out who my real friends here are...
ana, judith and sascha. three is a good number..
there is a german saying that everything that is good is three...
so i guess thats positive..
i have lotz of other friends too, but they wouldnt stick up for me if i needed them to.
another positive thing is my appartment.. i really enjoy being able to come and go when, how and with who i like..
thats cool..
judith and i went clubbing the last 6 or 7 saturdays.. so we are almost "normal" now..
well, if you look at our "nightlife"..
ahm.. my apprenticeship is going ok..
and evrybody else here is fine too..
i still want to go to london..
and if its possible i will go there after my apprenticeship..
ana has a colegue who has a boyfriend that lives and studies in london.. he is sooo adorable whith his accent...
and yeah, so ana and her friend might go and work in a hospital in london and officially become "international nurses" and i will just go along with them and maybe i can get a job somewhere..
we'll see...
one of my (other) friends, michael, said he'd definetly go to london again, cuz hes already been there two times and he loved it.. so i might just gather some ppl like him together next year and go ther for a few days...
speaking of next year... i dont know where to celebrate new years eve yet...
ana has her own apparment too.. since about 6months or so.. and she wanted to celebrate there...
that would be like 40 ppl who are invited and 35square metters.. that makes less than one square meter per person..
is there a law about how much space your guests have to have?
anyway.. i am not all too fond of spending new years eve the way those small fishies spend weeks in their can...
hm.. and ana has sooo many people on her list..
most of them from church.. youthgroup.. but i dont really have anything to do with them anymore.. and i dont really feel like seeing them either.. so i might just hang out somewhere.. go to anas from like half past 11 till half past 12.. and then go..
i dont know yet.. we'll see...
judith is gonna stopp by soon.. she wanted to make shure i wear something "o.k." tomorow night..
eversince i have to look nice for work i dont feel like looking nice for anyhing else.. and its not like a shirt and jeans arent good enough for a disco.. but oh well...
so... long post..
just felt like throwing things out there.. gotta go now.. see ya! | | |
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