by disordinately loving myself, i lost myself, and by seeking to purely love You alone, i found both myself and You, and for this love i learned to more profoundly enter into my nothingness. because You, O most sweet Lord, are bountiful to me above all merit, and more than i would dare hope or ask for. i will speak to my Lord, whereas i am dust and ashes. if I think myself better than what i am, i behold You stand against me, and my sins bear true witness of me, nor can i say anything to the contrary. instead if i humble myself and acknowledge my own nothingness, and cast away all esteem of myself and account myself to be mere dust as i really am, Your grace will be propitious to me and Your light will be near my heart. there You show me to myself, what i am, what i have been and where i have arrived, because i am nothing, and i knew it not.

edit: 11/15 - i've just read every single thing you have written, my chest/heart/eyes have never hurt more, "and the truth is that i miss you"

foryoui'dwaittil'kingdomcome

edit #2: my grandmother always said 'patience is a virtue' me, i'm falling asleep with the phone...

edit#2: and the sweater you left in my car, i'm breathing it in...

edit #2: i know it's hard to see me darling, let your eyes adjust, if you go blind just trust, you were made out of my dust, i was made out of your dust, and the Wind will carry us, in the ocean's evening gust, up above the mountain-tops, He will have the both of us...

edit#2: i am finally feeling christmasy

             i am finally in the mood for sufjan stevens

            i finally know what it feels like to have fallen deeply and wholly and completely and thoroughly in love

edit#2: joy to the world

edit#2:   _   _ _ _ _   _ _ _.

edit#2: Father, your daughter is amazing...

edit#2: "in torn-up jeans and grass-stained shirt, i was pulling up the weeds with palms in dirt, her deep brown eyes reminded me of a love that saw me perfectly...somehow"

edit#2:i believe in you, in your honesty and your eyes, even when i'm sloshing in the muck of my demise, and a large part of me is always and forever tied, to the lamplight of your eyes, of your eyes/knelt down (i knew he thought it dead) and dipped my hands, an urn, into the mound, gathered all the parts together and cupped my fingers as a cover...and a large part of me is always and forever tied to the lamplight of your eyes.

edit#2: i need thee every hour most gracious Lord, no tender voice like thine can peace afford, i need thee, o' i need thee, every hour i need thee, o' bless me now my savior, i come to thee, i need thee every hour, stay thou nearby, temptations lose their power, when thou art nigh, i need thee, o' i need thee, every hour i need thee, o' bless me now my savior, i come to thee,  i need thee every hour, in joy or pain, come quickly and abide, or life is vain, i need thee, o' i need thee, every hour i need thee, o' bless me now my savior, i come to thee, i need thee every hour, most holy one, o' make me mine indeed, thou blessed son, i need thee, o' i need thee, every hour i need thee, o' bless me now my savior, i come to thee...(and i am sure that you have been tired of doing it on your own and pretending to be strong when you know you're not, you know, you are...tired)

edit#2: joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joyjoyv joy joy joy joy joy joyjoyjoy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joyjoy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy love joy joy joy joyjoy joy joy joyvjoy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy love joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy love joyjoy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy love love.."is gonna lead you by the hand"

edit#2:

"we could be swordfish"

i wish i were a honey bee
and you, you were a nectarine.
a sapling, suckling, something sweet,like a marshmallow or a cocoa bean
in a savory-saccharine-sucrose dream
mmm! i'd love to be a honey bee.
i wish i were an armadillo
roly-poly, funny fellow,
with the wisdom of a weeping willow
and the feathered, lightness of a pillow
like a cumulonimbus cloud i'd billow
if i could be an armadillo.
a tambourine, oh, i could be
if i just strapped some bells to me
and clamored quite cacophonously
through the thunderous, wondrous city streets
past the motorists and the maitre d's
but they'd glare, and stare and swear at me,
so i dare not be a tambourine.
but, a submarine, a submarine!
to hear the lonely radar ping,
blow battleships to smithereens
to stealthily steal through ship debris
and load torpedos, one, two, three!
i long to be a submarine.
but i'd rather be a pair of skates
with squeaky wheels and worn-out brakes,
a hole n' the heel and one shoelace
in a dusty, musty, rental space
if you'll save for me a couple skate
i'll be those broken roller-blades but...
i don't want to be an orange scone
on a cheer-less saucer, all-alone
by a cup of tea that caught a cold
and a london paper, three-weeks old
or a violin with a broken bow,
a weathervane that just won't blow
a water-fall that fails to flow
or a christmas gift, quite quid pro quo,
oh, no, no, no! although...
we could be swordfish, swordfish swimming,
silver-scaled and ocean skimming,
flippers flopping, floating, grinning
laughing, twirling, leaping, spinning
breaking bread with the belugas
twice as friendly as sevrugas
marlins, mollusks, narwhals, whales,
sharks and crabs and clams and snails,
we could be swordfish, swordfish swimming,
silver-scaled and ocean skimming
flippers flopping, floating, grinning
laughing, twirling, leaping, spinning.