kamyanlau's Xanga

On hip hop, street jazz and ballet

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 18:15:11 GMT

That's right! I'm unemployed and my dad pays for all those things because I can't afford to pay those things, yet I can't afford to not dance and be unhealthy unfit. I LOVE DANCE!

Hip hop is so hard. I can't do it as I'm too graceful and I bring that ballet grace-like-feel to hip hop, so it makes me look so odd. I have no attitude when I do this, and my greatest weakness is being unable to bring everything (as in every step) together as a dance, along with lack of musicality. So I left after one month of it.

Street Jazz is my new love. I certainly love it's feel, I can do a lot of the technique work because it's very similar to ballet. And it's still a new challenge for me because once again, need to improve on togetherness and musicality. And for a change, there are guys in my class. I don't know what that means to me though.

Ballet is great. However, this is my most expensive hobby. It costs $20 a class (which is 3 hours long) and my teacher just started charging for $10 per class for rehearsal classes. I have no idea if that is the norm, but this just sounds strange. I'm charged $30 a week for ballet, I feel ripped off. I am thinking of skipping rehearsal classes as of next month because that is just too expensive for ballet. I feel bad my dad pays for these things and to spend more on the account of my hobbies is just ... argh!!!!!!

Last night before I went to sleep I stumbled upon the GREATEST ONLINE DANCE BATTLE EVER.

Yes, I am talking about the ACDC vs. M&M Cru.

ACDC is basically the crew of Jon M Chu (the director of Step Up 2) and Adam Sevani (who plays Moose in the film). Their crew of awesome dancers have challenged Miley Cyrus and her YouTube show co-host, Mandy to a dance off battle.

This 4-part video series (hoping it will grow, didn't look into it yet because it was 2AM, so I got tired) is ringing with awesome.

ACDC does outshine the M&M crew, mostly because of who they can bring (i.e. Jabbawockeez) to compete and battle with them. For a two girls like Miley Cyrus and Mandy (both who are new to the entertainment industry), they are not too bad. A lot of the people on M&M Cru are excellent dancers.

Anyways, I posted the first 4 battles here for your enjoyment. For the most part, I really enjoy watching it because it combines dance with comedy and excitement.

By the way, if Moose were Christian and age-appropriate for me, I would totally marry him... I think.

On Campus Challenge

Tue, 27 May 2008 00:18:46 GMT

The ACF Letter

Dear ACF

My first CC! Waaaaaahh! Sie-lei-ar (it's supposed to be chinglish for "amazing")! What an eye-opener and a door-opener this weekend.

My initiative to go to CC was pretty lame - I didn't really go because I wanted to be inspired nor with expectations of taking something out of the conference (the theme of "More" I found to be very broad - which is true because we covered so much during such a short amount of time), rather I went to extend my ACF experience with you guys because I really miss our fellowship.

As the weeks came approaching, my reason for going became completely changed. For those of you who hate unemployment, I probably dislike it more than you. I had no idea what I wanted to do for my future and had so many questions and worries about what I should look at if I were to get a job - would it be for God? Would it purposeful? However, not even this question/worry that got the chance to be answered (at least I don't think so).

CC went into another direction yet again. God did a 360 on my focus for the conference. As most of you know, I do not come from a Christian family so to this day, it is a miracle (in my opinion) that I got to learn about God and his infinite love for us at the age of 19. Not many people will live to know Him which is really sad. During the whole time I kept thinking "direction for a job", it turns out my first job has been neglected... to learn about God and his love.

I have not been the keen Christian I wished to be, like my brothers and sisters in Christ, and it drove me insane this weekend. It all started with this workshop which was "Life after Graduation", where our workshop leaders, Peter and Abraham, asked us to look at three things about our university career and future. The 12 of us in the room (gee, God loves 12 a lot) were asked to write down our findings and we listed them out. The questions were (a) what did God showed you in university and helped you accomplish, (b) what are things you look forward to in your future and (c) what are the things you are not looking forward to?

Here is a breakdown of what I remember as the responses:

(a) what did God showed you in university and helped you accomplish

graduation
see the little miracles in life (I thought this was really sweet - it's so difficult to appreciate the smallest things in life and things you take for granted)
grow spiritually

(b) what are things you look forward to in your future?

getting married (no brainer who said this one - actually a lot of people had this one down)
raising a family
getting a job = getting paid! = or purchase more expensive hobbies (dudes, I need an expensive hobby)
getting a house/car

growing old
learning to be self sacrificing
nothing to do
too much to do
paying bills/insurance (this is just one i thought of, i really take advantage of the fact that my parents are kind and pay the bills for everything)

Now some of these were my answers too. Like for (c) I don't want to grow old... I'm vain like that, not my best trait, but honesty is in there. The answers I contribute were a little bit "a step back" from a lot of people.

Here are my contributed answers:

(a) what did God show you in university and help you accomplish

- He made me a Christian (and the gift of a spiritual growth spurt - is that how you spell this word, where is spell check on gmail???)

(b) what are things you look forward to in your future
- a potential baptism

(c) what are the things you are not looking forward to?
- telling my parents I have a baptism
- not having a church community to belong to in Toronto to do a baptism

I guess the focus my life is having is all on God, and maybe 1% on a job. In all honesty, since the conference, I have been spending more time in bible study, Christian literature and waiting on God compared to the little time I spend on job hunting. I'm terrible at time management, I know.

I got a chance to talk to Abby Lai and Jess Ngan about these goals that seem to be more important than anything else right now. Thanks girls for listening.

So to solve the problem of the potential baptism always being "potential", rather than a "for sure" baptism, I kind of knew I first needed a church to support me in Toronto.

[Side note: to those who went, two banquets ago I said that I would get baptized last Christmas (2007) at LCAC, this never happened in the end. I took the baptism classes because I just wanted to take them, but God moved me to realize that it was important that my parents came to my baptism. I only wanted to do this in London because it would have been less messier with dealing with my parents, but because I love them so much and I want for them to see the change God has made in my life, I have delayed the baptism to allow it to take place in Toronto. So I took the classes already (Pastor Dale has been kind to call up whomever church I decide to do this in), I just need the dunking to take place.]

Ok, let's get back on track (I apologize for whomever realizes that when I write/type, it's the same as how I speak to people... it annoys some but makes a few laughs... I apologize for side tracking as well).

Problem solving: Peter was really nice to give us a talk on how to feel situated back in your home church after a much long leave of absence from university (for those who were attending universities that aren't the same as their respective hometown). I felt like God was telling me "listen Kim, this is the important stuff". Sadly after his last powerpoint slide, I snoozed (I was up till 3 the night before). The last slide contained a lot of pointers on how to get back in with the church and it was really encouraging.

It also made me realize how I lack a role in my church (RHCCC) and as much as I loved going, I had not giving back anything as the church has given to me in wisdom and a place to sort of "belong" to. I really loved this church and enjoy going because it took my parents a year to allow me to go (I asked once during the second year, summer time and they said no) so it has to be a sign that God is allowing my desires to be met (He says he doesn't let you do anything you can't handle - the one year wait for Dad's permission to go to RHCCC allowed me to treasure my time at church more as I had to overcome this one struggle and Bible study). However because it's not easy to balance a retail job (which conflicted with going to church and I had to miss the campus fellowship), and having only 4 months to go to this one church because the rest of the time, I'm at Western, I never got the chance to meet people and really get to know them.

*note: not many Western people go to RHCCC... so really I didn't know anyone.

On Sunday night, all 120 of us gathered in the "worship centre" (that's got a nice ring), and we got to hear some sharing. The format was a little weird (in a different type of way) because instead of ACF's tradition leave a mic open at the front and let the people line up for it, Jesse (one of the speakers) would get Calvin, one of the CC attenders, to run to pass mics to people in their seats. Lots of neck twisting that night (except for the back row people, which was where I sat so I could see everyone). I was really planning to share that night about my lack of church community problems, but it would have been weird without seeing all the faces and with at least 90 people whose names I might not know (yes, I can be shy, contrary to what you see during ACF).

Peter said that one of the best ways to enter a new church family is to go with someone who steadily attends to that church. So I took a chance. Calvin kindly hands me the mic and the first thing I ask is "If you go to RHCCC, kindly raise your hand". 2 hands were raise and I only saw one to be honest because Calvin who was sitting beside me had raised his hand but was not in my range of view, God should have made me a third eye (like Mad Eye Moody). One RHCCC attender had stepped out for the bathroom but someone told him later of my sharing. (side note: a little weird that only 4 people from RHCCC were at CC, I expected a little more because RHCCC is too huge, but 4 is good enough for me). I voiced out my uncomfortableness with the lack of community I felt and that I asked for the people who did go to RHCCC that they would keep me accountable for my attendance at the fellowship, which is easier for me to attend now that I am unemployed. I told everyone that all I wanted was a place to fit in and as much as the building made me comfortable, the church community is important too. It was kind of nice to take advantage of talking to a large audience because it just allows people to use their personal RHCCC connections to get me emails, which was really kind of people.

After the most unconventional way to make friends with your church community, I got to meet all three people who went to RHCCC and got to know them a bit better. It was not a big step to know the entire community, but it was still a step.

So that is the baptism/church community story.

If you would like, we should take a short intermission for you to refresh yourself, go to the bathroom before we continue. This is long.

...

... and we are back. We left off with the problem of being spiritually unsatisifed, and partially solved the baptism/church problem (well, as best as I could for now, till the day of dunking - I look forward to it). A lot of Nestea jokes were made (facebook me if you don't know what this means).

So besides the B/C problem (I'm abbreiv, b/c I getting tired but got all this I have to pour out into this cup we call e-mail, ok, let's add zing to this... SPIRITUAL-SHARING E-MAIL... CUP thingy), I was not back with my bible reading... yes, I know, I have to stop watching House and all the other TV I watch.

During the conference, Alan Anderson was the guest of honour to speak to us and lead us into a type of bible study called manuscript bible study, which was were you took the bible passage of interest and took out all the numbers that marked where the verse/chapters were, the sidenotes, the special spacing of the scripture, and the special titles which landmark the topic so you are left with the words and punctuation only. It was to allow better observation and reflection for application of the scripture. You are to highlight and question and then answer your own questions in a group. A lot of people asked interesting questions and it was really cool to all the interpretation become application to us. It really helps if you have a study bible on your person (my favourite tangible spiritual sidekick - yeah, I know they are disadvantageously heavy to carry around). This to be honest changed the way I looked at scripture because it helped me to pick up the more important points God is trying to scream out to me and it gives me a better way to spend more time on less scripture with more detail, versus more scripture and not remembering anything you read.

So bible reading in the lacking... partially solved ( I say partially because things are only solved if habit becomes long term, so ACCOUNTABILITY PLEASE).

My last focus was prayer and waiting on God. During devos in our small group, we looked at silent prayer ... aka waiting on God. I guess with all the hecticness the 21st century North American culture throws at us, we tend to forget communication involves not just our being voicing our concerns and burdens, but as well waiting for God to respond to you as well through Roger's "imfamous stomach clench feeling" or through scripture.

Waiting on God is hard. To not think of anything is hard, I am constantly distracted, so I'm patiently learning to make this skill work, because really I talk too much (as it is right now obvious) and a horrible listener. I really look forward to His responses.

The last thing that was really touching for me was University Time, where ACF just talked. I liked how there is heart for ACF continuously trying to make it better for not just ACF but for the campus in the broad spectrum. It was identified that the inspiring was weening in the beginning of the year and yet God moved us and we overcame that. However the theme verse was only half fulfilled, and there came an urgency that the "faith with action"- action was missing. Outreach was a large focus and like I said "1/week" - don't forget (facebook me, we'll talk if you don't ge the "1/week" thing). I have a huge heart for unity and outreach. Something that was really striking was that Jesse (yes, the speaker) was talking about how we should stopped hanging out with ACF people and start hanging out with non-Christians if we want to outreach. He gave this powerful analogy of an island surrounded by water where there was one huge church with all the Christians in it, worshipping God's holy name. Sadly, the non-Christians are drowning in the infinite sea and the Christians scream out to the seawrecked to come to the island but the non-Christians cannot move. Jesus comes to the rescue and dives in the water drowns and the non-Christians begin to float, but they still can't get to the island. We were challenge to dive and swim into that sea and fish out all the non-Christians out. I think I teared when I heard this.

We were then challenged to pick three people who didn't know Christ, that we would pray for them and lead them to know Him. I remember quickly picking three people I know God could work in.

Okay, let's wrap this up

Highlights:

team GLORY was my small group - i heart thee
meeting a girl named Karen Mok was one of my biggest pleasures
ABBY LAI - need I say more?
workshop at Abraham's company: learning about corporate culture, fitting in, and evangelizing in an office setting (how we can please God no matter where we go)
sharing was awesome
UNIVERSITY TIME
cake, anyone? - go to facebook, you'll know what i mean!
Carmen, this one girl, got me a dinner when the dinner time was closed because i accidentally overslept dinner time
worship - PTL
just God in general
etc.

Well that's all the time I have folks!

I hope your cup is overflowing with inspiration for those who couldn't go.

May God rest in your hearts and He be lifted high!!!!!

-kams

On yucky

Mon, 12 May 2008 21:19:33 GMT

So I've gone back to dance. Switched from Chinese Folk Dance and Classical Chinese Dance to BALLET (insert the solitaire firecrackers).

I've gone to two classes and went to the gym once (treadmilling), and I'm exhausted. I cannot believe that I can be so tired so easily. This means a few things: one being way too much study weight (that's weight you gained due to stress from school - overexcessive eating and not making time for exercise being the gold and silver of reasons).

Another thing, I've stopped doing the video blogs. I got tired of uploading and waiting for 3 days to wait for them to come online.

Another thing it means is that I have gained 10 lbs since second year. First year was good, gained no weight.

I am starving spiritually - cannot wait till Campus Challenge - my FIRST one to go.

RANT

Thu, 08 May 2008 15:24:23 GMT

... so, please don't read this, it's quite anti-Mother's Day like. I also expect that if you read this you won't judge me in a non-constructive way - I will delete your comments or ignore you for a bit, which ever comes first... most likely the latter one.

I HATE MY MOTHER!

This is now the new life plan. Get a job, move out ASAP within a few years (give it 5) because I can't stand living with my mother. Afterwards, only have to see my mother for the necesssary holidays, such as Christmas, and ... whatever is deemed necessary.

I see why my brothers lock their doors, it's because my mother is a nutjob and does random checks on us. She is so picky about everything and doesn't even see her own flaws. By the way, I WILL NOT GET MARRIED because I will only end up like her, married because a job is not suitable for her lifestyle (which is by the way, non-existant). Does that mean I will not date? Duh, marriage should be only the reason one would date at my age (that's just my opinion).

The moment I move out, this deems my mother no longer in control of my life. She is so scared she will lose control over me so she yells at me whenever she can and judges me wherever she can. Do I walk funny? Because I don't think I walk that funny and if I do, it's because dance has made me like that (She says I walk with my feet planted in a V-shape - my feet make 90 degrees (not really) to each when ever I step). She wants to bring me to a doctor to get my walk "corrected". Honestly, she should get her hearing corrected. The other day, my mother completely embarassed me on the phone with a potential employer. She did hear me for 3 times say "Mother, this is my call" and I had to apologize for my mother's deafness in the way of my future.

Afterwards I can finally get baptized because if this pisses her off, then what's she going to do, ground me? I'm so sick of her not liking anything I do. MY MOTHER IS AN IDIOT. By the way, who worships Buddha and is Catholic at the same time? That makes no sense. If you're a Buddhist, you believe there are no gods or deities before you and if you're Catholic, you're suppose to believe there is one true God and that you will have NO OTHER IDOLS before your one true God.

I HATE YOU MOM!

On the four years...

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 22:06:13 GMT

Note: though I specifically thanked 3 people in the video, it doesn't mean that your contribution has not affected me, thank you to everyone no matter how big or small your contribution may be, it has helped and encouraged me to be the person i am today. Thank you for your words of encouragement, dinner/movies days, jokes, the memories and your prayers.

-kams

On motivation

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 14:59:22 GMT

we all fall... this is a given
but we are to pick ourselves up and raise it up.

"sometimes it takes a different kind of dream to make a smile"

"sometimes it seems impossible and that's why we pray"

on sharing (ACF), and engineering traditions

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 03:26:00 GMT

On movies...

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 03:25:55 GMT

This summer's movie list starts now...

Pineapple Express
Jack and Jill vs. the World
Chapter 27
Iron Man
Indiana Jones
Wall-E
Horton Hears a Who
The Bank Job
Flawless
Smart People

on the last single female fourth year

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 04:01:15 GMT

don't get me wrong, i think it's great person A and person B are dating. on top of that, I think it's great that person C and D are together. but what I don't get is how I am still the last girl in fourth year in our fellowship to not be not single?

i'm sure singlehood is a blessing, but eventually, everyone moves on, and you'll want to be loved and because of your beliefs, your dating pool of available and qualified men becomes a pool of random huge number 'a' to random drastically smaller number 'b'.

I don't mind being single. I mind being single alone with no other fourth year girls. now, i'm not saying randomly break up, i'm just confused as to how i cannot accept the fact that i am still miserably single.

i am not desparate, i am just not patient to wait on God's instruction.

sooner or later, i will become consumed with a job, dance and my current intermediate familly responsibilities. later i will get invited to more weddings of A and B and maybe later C and D and later E and F. E and F, since when did that happen? Apparently it happens and I'm just ill-informed.

Later on, my singleness shall prolong for until I age to 40, where I will die by the hand of a pseudo-ninja, and come to realize, my life was miserable and lonely, and just realize that really, NO ONE WANTED ME THE WHOLE TIME.

Then again, maybe single life is not horrible and I just can't find that invisible silver lining.

vlog: one minute update

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 01:27:24 GMT