Sunday morning .. 5 a.m ..... Can't sleep .... Staring at the ceilingg... not cool. Perfect time to jot some thoughts down though, no ?

Reading my past blogs from when I was 16 to now is just amazing. Truly like going back in time. I can almost feel a tear come out just from missing those days. How simple and beautiful everything was. How many more loved ones were in my life. I know they say not to regret and just look ahead .. but damn do I miss somethings. I miss the stupid fun we all used to have, just being our stupid selves. Everyone is so grown now and I ain't sayin shit about that, it was bound to happen sometime. I"m proud of you all, I might not show it but trust me I"m proud of you guys. So how have I been ? I"ve beeeen fucking shitty of the shit. I feel like every year it just gets harder and harder for me. Granted I don't always make the wise decisions, so maybe I do deserve all this ? Days just pass me by while I'm stuck to the floor, the world is spinning while I"m standing still. Mannn I don't know what to do with my life. I'm still at the stage people... Yes, while everyone around me got their shit straight and priorities in check, I'm still doing the same old jack shit. I thought turning 21 would've straightened me out, I thought getting arrested and getting hit with a felony would've changed me, I thought alot of things in life would change me. I try my best to break apart from my old self but the fucker keeps coming back. I know I"m letting alot of people down, being the way I am now, living for nothing really. I don't expect pity from anyone, I don't expect lectures from anyone, I'm just writing this down to give some insight on how I"m just feeling these days. Most of the times when I write something personal down, I end up deleting everything ... I think I'll leave this on.

to my friends who are going through shit hard times .. i'm always a phonecall away .. i always keep you all in my prayers .. i hope i break apart from this. just break apart from this life.

who knows what the point of this post was, i'm hitting the sack now