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kathrynHDS
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Name: Kathryn
Country: United States
State: Texas
Metro: Dallas
Interests: I have many. I am enamored with[good] music. Trash TV-sadly. I love Red Bull. I can read until my eyes fall out. There's no food I won't try at least twice. I thrive for Pho Gardens.
Expertise: In the Process of Finding Out.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Sleeping?
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  kathrynhaley123
Member Since:
10/29/2003
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| I am so fucking sick and tired of everything. Your parents are supposed to make you feel good about yourself...
not like you're never good enough...
I'm making fucking straight A's in school..I've made the dean's list every semester since I started school, and yet I OBVIOUSLY don't know how to manage my time. I can't go to a concert bc I have a "busy schedule" and need to focus..even though I stayed up until 3 AM the previous night finishing my EIGHTEEN page paper so I could GO to the concert. And I have too many miles on my new car, I shouldn't be going out of town with finals coming up and money to be saved...REALLY? I think I know. I'm not fucking 16. I know how to be an adult. I'm not living in my house anymore, yet my parents still control me. Whatever.
And when I do go home, I'm basically ignored, so why even go home? Oh, because me parents ask me too and I don't tell them no. My fault, I know.
And Brandon...well...we used to be so loving towards each other, we worked so hard to be together and to make it work. He moved here for crying out loud. But, we've been fighting and he isn't as sympathetic as I'd like for him to be. He is picky, judgemental, and hurts my feelings. But, I am too scared to talk to him about it because I know he'll be mad and then point out all of my shortcomings too. He is wonderful, but right now I'm having a hard time seeing his positive traits because I'm just hurt.
Those who you love the most have the capability of hurting you the most. What a downfall.
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| Don't Expect A "Daddy"When I said "I've missed you too" - I lied.
When I acted "fine" during dinner - I pretended.
When I acted like I was listening - I wasn't.
When you started talking about "family vacations" - I wanted to throw up.
When you started talking about the past - I wanted to flee.
When I smiled - I really didn't.
When I was at dinner with you - I really wasn't there.
However, I don't feel bad for not missing you, not listening. I don't feel bad for lying. Why, you ask? Because you spent my childhood drunk. You spent it in a perpetual state of adolescence. I can't imagine being your child now...
I would be ruined.
I would not be with my wonderful boyfriend.
I would not be in school.
I would not be stable.
I would more than likely be dependent on some drug or two.
I would definitely not be who I am today.
And for that I'm grateful. Thank you for staying away. I really genuinely appreciate it.
I am not angry with you for not being around. I have a wonderful father who raised me to be dependent, ladylike and honest; being a ghost may have been the best thing you've ever done for me.
Now that I'm already grown, we may be able to be friends. Someday. But....
don't expect a warm embrace.
don't expect me to call you daddy.
don't expect much, because I sure as hell never have.
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| Rape CrisisRape Crisis. I started training today and I am scared shitless. To know that I'll be interacting with people who have just come from the place that they've been sexually assaulted and expecting me to have wise words or comforting words...
wtf will I say? I have NO clue.
this woman in my class was raped by her father. I can't even imagine to think about what that must have been like.
I'm scared and feel so inadequate for this wonderful volunteer opportunity presented before me.
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| EasterMade 110 tonight. Happy Easter to MEEEEE.
SO tired.
later.
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| whyyyyyy.
still the same questions keep coming back. I don't know if I will ever be relieved of them. Actually, I know I won't. The guilt will probably never fully go away, and I will never fully forgive myself. Or you for that matter.
who knows.
someday, I will. Someday..is a long time off, but it's all I have for certain.
You deserved better. From me, from yourself, from life. All I can say is I'm sorry and that never seems to be enough.
fall retreat.
garage sale.
garage sale candy.
hookah.
alanis morissette.
damien rice.
swimmmming.
pictures.
hawaiian punch.
pirates bay.
summer.
company when everyyyyyone else was busy :)
donnie darko.
prom.
BCBG.
menthol ciggerettes (gross)
skipping spanish.
walmart pictures.
bartons.
lauren.
your crazy dogs.
summer school. ah.
almost running over christina.
taco bell (or was it bueno?)
311.
and everytime i hear a good band that I know you would like, I realize it.
everytime I read a book that you would like, or that you like(d), I realize it.
everytime I listen to Alanis, or Damien, or Rilo Kiley-I realize it.
everytime.
i
REALIZE IT.
do you?
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