i goddamned fucking hate the internet.  i goddamn fucking hate it.  i never use that word.  never.  i hate it.  i hate my stupid fucking blogging job, i hate being on that goddamn stupid online dating site, i hate stupid internet logic, i hate it i hate it i ahte it ia hte i aht eal.,

i hate it.

i hate people.

why the fuck do people seem to think that the internet removes all courtesy and kindness and politeness?  why do they see the internet as a way to hurt people they don't even know?  it is a goddamn fucking itnernet dating site.  it is not a place to bash for me foolishly liking Catholicism or for supporting my friend if she decides to have a baby without being married.  there's this asshole who has decided i am an illogical stupid whore, and he spends all of his time leaving me mean messages and calling me a whore!  a whore?!  i'm the whore?  he imed me saying "i could never date you, but i could sure fuck you.  well and hard!"  when i said, "um, that's never going to happen because you're an asshole and i can't stand you," his response was, "you deserve an asshole you stupid whore."

i joined this site to meet nice people and not have to go out and try to hit on guys in bars like a desperate person.  nothing works!  nothing goddamned works for me.  i remember when boys thought i was cute, or interesting, or smart.  fuck that now!  who gives a shit about me now?  nobody and nothing!   no one at my work likes me except for the slightly creepy overly talkative 37 guy - but i can't snub him because he's the only person who goddamned talks to me!  nobody likes me at my book group, god forbid anyone should like me in the one area where i know anything at all! 

i'm fuckign 24.  24.  i don't want to be married, or engaged or anything.  i do'nt need that.  i didn't even fucking want that.  but now that no one wants me, well, now i'd like to sign myself up on an arranged marriage site.  fuck it.  better for me to be a miserable hermit than for me to constantly be humilated and made fun of and called a fucking whore.  i hate it.  i hate this.  this is hurting so much.  god forbid fucking chris rhodes had a spine and knew what he wanted - better for me to be miserable and treated like shit than to be with the man who loved me and treated me well!  quite honestly, yes, i'd like to blame chris.  why, if he loved me and cared about me, did he break up with me?  why?  what is worng with me?  "nothing," quote unquote - well, maybe he should meet up with the other dude and they can both call me an illogical whore.  maybe then the two of them can go find thin tiny blonde girls who like to give blowjobs to guys they don't know and don't want nice committed relationships with realistic guys who have flaws and but try to be better and treat others nicely.  god forbid!  better that i be an illogical whore!  that's all i am!  an illogical whore!  nobody wants one of those - unless she's blonde and weighs twenty pounds soaking wet!

i love the six things survey

1) I miss reading a book a day.
seriously, i loved reading.  i really love it.  i don't like not having enough time to read a book a day anymore.  if i could safely read while driving my car, i would - but i don't like audio books, so it's inviting a car accident if i do.

2) i'm thinking about putting away money for liposuction.
is that so wrong?  listen, even if i lose a ton of weight, i look teh same.  i look a very tiny amount smaller.  so why not just go ahead and get a combo tummy tuck/breast reduction?  i'd finally be thinner.  of course, it would cost me about ten grand and i'd have to buy all new clothes... but i'll keep it in mind.  why not?

3) i miss my terrible ex-boyfriend.

4) augusten burroughs is a fantastic but scary writer.
seriously, the guy's written quite a bit: four memoirs and one novel, and they're all very well written! but honestly, they're so freakish. he's had a terrible life. his memoirs are those kind of riveting books, you're reading them, and you're jsut appalled, but you've got to finish it.  the novel, sellevision, is realllllllly scary.  i don't know that i'd recommend it.  the memoirs are good, though.

5) i miss my friends. 
what i really want is for all of us to live in an apartment building together.  i think it'd be awesome!  then, if i needed to bond with sarah, i could just go upstairs and she could tell me stories abotu how she hid her bunny from me when i was her RA.  or, if i wanted to play with a small children to rejuvenate myself, i could just go over to megan's and play with her son, liam.  and marcy and tom and john and everybody... it'd all be better if you all lived with me.  i'm lonely.  i miss everybody.

6) i'm slightly anal retentive. 
i know i am, and i'm ok with it.  but i find it slightly satisfying to have an organized desk!  why is that so wrong?  i'm not crazy about it, i'm not a neat freak.  i just enjoy being organized.  i would have been a great secretary to someone who didn't care about me sleeping on the desk after i ate lunch.

bad katie - slow updater!

so my mommy's fiftieth birthday is coming up (mwa-ha-ha), and we're having a party.  the theme?  HAWAII 5-0.  of course, i don't know anything about that show.  but essentially, i'm doing this more to have a ridiculous amount of hawaii junk lying around with the occasional giant "50" sign. (if anyone knows anything about the tv show, please tell me!

in other news, i started my new job.  i don't think i'm very good at it.  why?  because i get EXHAUSTED.  my body is used to work for eight straight hours by stnaind up and walking around, or by working at home, where if i get tired, i just take a break.  i'm fucked, kind of - i drink pop already, so caffeine doesn't have an effect on me; i get about seven hours of sleep a night; and if i eat too much, i get even more tired (i don't understand those people who say that you have a snack and then feel more alert - i feel rested and want a nap).  so it looks like i'm either going to have to start taking speed or some sort of energy pill.  i thought about going back on metabolife, but that made my heart race so much.  hmmm.  it's a puzzle.  a fuck-me-in-the-ass, i'll get fired if i can't stay awake kind of puzzle.  i already embarrassed myself on friday by asking my supervisor if he minded if i listened ot my ipod for just a little while, because i was so tired - he made this face and said, "fine" but i don't think i endeared myself in his eyes.  i only listened for a little bit, but even that didn't help.  i need help.

the horrible ex-boyfriend is playing in teh world series of poker - try and catch him on tv.

Currently Reading Lamb : The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal By Christopher Moore see related

i don't know if you know anything about me, but...

I mean, jumpin' jiminy, if you know me at all, you know that i love to read. so currently, in addition to my buying books at every used library book sale and rummage/garage sale that i come across, i also get at least one new book from the library every two days or so.  i've also been swapping books a lot with my friend carrie (or as we've decided she should be named in my "blog" adventures," "sidekick extraordinaire!").

regardless, i loves to read.  and the books that i tend to buy fall into two categories: books that i feel i should have (classics, the occsional biography or nonfiction something or other, and the occasional history) and books that i want (comic strip collections, books about writing/proofing/editing, fiction, funny books, children's books, cookbooks). books that i get from the library fall into three categories: books i want to read, books i feel i should read that are literary classics, and books i feel i should read because they are nonfiction and deal with some sort of issue that i'm interested in.

i just bought nine books at Marc's (they were 99 cents each! who could resist!), i bought some fifteen books for myself and nine books for others at the lirbary used book sale, and i currently have some twenty books out from the library.  see, the trouble is, i always have to check out the new fiction section, and then get something interesting from there - so there are some books automatically.  and then whenever i read about a new/interesting book or series or author, i tend to request them all from the library, so then i get like fifteen books at once! 

i've got to tell you, it makes my getting any work done damn hard.

i'm damn exhausted and have to wake up in six hours, but i'm stupid, so i'm doing this survey because i haven't updated in a while.

Firsts

First screen name: Because my daddy made it, it was katie51782.

First self purchased album: Whoa.  I actually think it was either porno for pyros or some barenaked ladies album.

First funeral: Grandfather.

First piercing: Ears in fourth grade.

First credit card: I guess my debit card, since it's technically a credit card, too.

First true love: My hair - I have always loved my hair.

First enemy: Crap, when did I have an enemy?  You know what, it was probably one of those slutty/popular girls who were already giving guys blowjobs while in middle school... what was her name, bryce?  No, Brynne!  I really disliked her... but someone I actively set out to destroy?  Wow.  Oh, Amanda Folino.  Haaaated her.

First big trip: Boston, baby!

First play/musical/performance: Band in fifth grade.

Lasts

Last cigarette: Sigh... I don't smoke, though, I'm thinking about starting.

Last car ride: 9:25 pm, from North Randall to home.

Last bus ride: I don't ride the bus.

Last good cry: Yesterday afternoon, a little bit last night.

Last book: Wow, toss-up! Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason and Hans Christian Anderson's Fairy Tales.

Last movie seen: The end of Bad News Bears.

Last beverage drank: Water.

Last food consumed: Snap peas, and then some cold pizza.

Last TV show watched: Scrubs!  Season 3!

Last shoes worn: Come on - I don't wear shoes past March!

Last annoyance: The stupid temp job.

Last ice cream eaten: A slice of tiramisu ice cream cake.

Last shirt worn: Maroon polo shirt.

appearance

height: 5'4"

hair color: Gawgeous reddish brown.

eye color: Blue-gray

piercings: Two in each ear and one in each nose.

tattoos: None, thank you.

what color pants are you wearing?: Stunning polar bear boxers.

what song are you listening to?: None.

what's the weather like?: Cool and dark.

how are you?: Very meh.

do you get motion sickness?: Not unless I'm something that's moving and we pass something that's moving.  Then I need to shut my eyes.

have a bad habit?: Chewing my nails and picking at my face.

get along with your parents? Yup.  All four.

like to drive?: It;s all right... it's just driving to get somewhere.


favorites

TV show: Scrubs, Fairly Oddparents... whoa, I'm out.

conditioner: Herbal Essence.  And yes, I scream a lot when I put it on my hair.

book: There are no favorites in Kate's house of a damn lot of books. 

non alcoholic drink: Lemon flavored iced tea.

have you

broken the law: Lousy speeding tickets.

ran away from home: Nah.

snuck out of the house: No reason to - I was always allowed to do whatever I want!

skipped school before: Sort of.

fell asleep in the shower/bath: Bath, yes.

been in a school play: Many times.

let a friend cry on your shoulder: Many times, darling ones!


love

sexuality: I loves them boys, but I don't know why.

children: Why bother, I have this awesome niece to raise!

been in love: yes.

had a hard time getting over someone: Very yes.

been hurt: Very very yes.

your greatest regret: At the moment, saying it would make me sound angry and evil.


random

do you have a job: Kind of. On the internet.

what album is currently playing in your ipod right now: Album?  Um... the album with all the songs?  I don't fucking know.  It's music, ok? 

if you were a crayon what color would you be?: Probably some sort of bluish gray.

what makes you happy: Lots of friends and good books and funny movies.

who makes you happiest: I do not know.  Ewan McGregor does.  No, just kidding... Sarah and Megan and Marcy and Tom and Johnny Z and Zackary Thackery and Katie and rewelcomed to the fold Carrie!  And everyone else who's happy to see me ever!

Name Four Things That You Wish You Had:
1. Clarity.
2. A missing ten pounds (bwa-ha-ha!  See, I wish I didn't have it, but I want something that's there to be not there!)
3. My chosen people to live in teh same city as me!  Wah!  And I'm too lazy/poor to move back to Chicago!
4. A nice job.

Name Four Scents You Love:
1. Spaghetti sauce - that does not make me weird!
2. My green tea lotion.
3. The smell of air right after you sneeze - the next time you sneeze, take a really deep breath... it smells so damn good!
4. Um.  Um.  Mint?

Name Four Things You Are Thinking About Now:
1. When will it be easier to figure him out?
2. When will I have a real job?
3. When will they admit that they're going to fire us at the stupid temp job?
4. When will I have an apartment?

Name Four Things That You Have Done Today:
1. Embarrased myself at a temp job.
2. Mocked the toolish frat boy who is our quasi-manager at my other temp job.
3. Wrote a post about Barack Obama.
4. Want to the West Side Market with stepmom, stepgrandmother, and currently slightly bratty yet still damn adorable niece.

Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink:
1. Water
2. Some form of diet pop.
3. Lemon flavored iced tea.
4. Wine/Gin and tonics.

More random:

Last Words You Said: "Night, mom!"

Last Song You Sang?: Probably hummed along to "Steady As She Goes" by the Raconteurs (excellent name) on the radio.

Last Time You Said 'I Love You' And meant it?: About ten minutes ago to my momma.

What Color Socks Are You Wearing?: Total lack of socks.

What's Under Your Bed?: Lots of bags (seriously, like four duffel bags all stuffed into each other), my old body pillow which i'm scared of now, my bag of half-made blanket, and a creepy poster of my brother's which he didn't want anymore so is now under my floor.

Time you woke up today: 9ish - abotu an hour later than I wanted to, so I didn't go to the rec to ride the eliptical, but that's ok, because nobody wants my fat cow ass anyway.

Current Hair?: In positively adorable braids on the top of my head.

Current Clothes?: polar bear boxers, and the polo shirt i wore all day.

Current Desktop Picture?: Ha ha ha - it's Okay Pants, where the yeti's painting gets made fun of... so sad!

Current Worry?: Poorness and a person.

Current Annoyance?: It's a toss-up between my contstant feeling of tiredness (nearly crashed the car today!) and my family.

Favorite Physical Feature Of The Opposite Sex?: Yeah, smiles and eyes are nice, but let's be honest, shall we?  It's mostly if they're taller than me.

Favorite Place To Be?: Inside my cozy bed!

Least Favorite Place?: Oh, man, I don't know... Emerson Rd., at the moment. 

Time You Wake Up In The Morning?: Depending on the day: anywhere between 6 am and 10 am.

If You Could Play An Instrument?: Maybe guitar... I think I could do guitar.

Favorite Color?: Blue.

Favorite Season?: Fall....

Where Would You Like To Go?: I'm feeling very into Australia lately... maybe San Francisso. Or just Chicago.

How Many Kids Do You Want?: Dunno... used to want three, but now, I don't know if I want any.

Favorite Car?: If it runs, i loves it.