The state of the economy depresses and worries me, like most other working Americans. Signs keep pointing to a continuing slump with all of the interlocking problems our country now faces.

But despite the bad news, lost jobs, and diminishing value of the dollar, nothing saddens me more than hearing people say that they want to get out of this country. Is Obama the only one who "hopes" things will turn from sour to sweet, or am I just talking to misinformed, idealistic people who think that the grass is always greener on the other side?

Don't give up, folks. This country was founded on hard-working principles that have perservered and lasted through tough times. Most of us don't even know how good we have it.

So please, if I hear one more person say that they don't like America, I'm going to scream. There are always imperfections and flaws in any governmental system, no matter how wonderful they sound on paper.

There have been plenty of "fair weather fans" of this country when things are going well, but now is NOT the time to give up on the home team.

I never really had any starry-eyed visions of being a rock star or songwriter, but as time has progressed it's been something I've done more and more of and have been dying for a creative outlet now that I don't have 500 orchestral/band groups to participate in for college.  Part of the drive is the lack of creativity I've had to have to do the current jobs I'm in, and my relief has been sitting at the piano writing.  I took composition classes in college, so it's really nothing new--just a different direction for me.

I was talking to Jeff, a long-time friend about wanting some people to bounce ideas off of so that I could get involved in music again, and he mentioned his brother-in-law, John, who is apparently heavily involved in the KC music scene and has a lot of "ins" with big name record companies.  John gave me a call a couple days later and we talked about what I could bring to their current group, and he sounded really excited to have someone like me.  Musical tastes, writing philosophies, and just everything in general meshed really well.  I dropped by their practice that evening and his girlfriend Jessica answered the door.  I know her entire family because I used to work at an indoor soccer field that her parents own!  The rest of the members show up, some arriving early after hearing that there's a possible addition to the group, and as they arrive I knew every single person there.  I later realized that the guitarist was sitting right behind me just one night earlier at a local pub that I went to with some friends.  Before I knew it, I was sitting at the keyboard listening in, playing along, eventually singing along, and by the time the night was over we had developed a song I had written earlier.  I don't know where this is headed, but it seems that he has all the right connections to make something of this.  If nothing else, just by the fact that my face and stomach hurt from smiling and laughing so much, I think it's a worthwhile investment of my time.

It's just wild to think that these paths have been crossing for almost 10 years in some cases.  And it's a really great fit, and I think being that everyone is older, we view it both as a business and an art.  He's talking about doing a fair amount of touring and they are in the process of starting their own record label.  So whether or not I end up a rockstar, I think this is precisely the connection I needed for the direction I need to go.  Something about it feels right--from knowing everyone to the small coincidences.  I'm following my gut, ... and we'll see where that ends up.

It's kind of far-fetched, but I'm going to chase it!  And to my shock and surprise, my mother was entirely happy and supportive.  Even thrilled and excited for me!  What a great woman she is for that... I don't know many other parents who would entertain the thought of their children going through an education only to join a band after graduation...  though, I've done crazier things.  She must be used to it by now.

I've always had this weird thing about doctors.  I don't like going.

I don't know what it is about going that I dislike so much; after all, I realize that they're there to help.  I guess it's the examination thing that scares me a bit, asking questions, removal of clothing in such artificial and unromantic surroundings.  Ok, so it's not pleasant for anyone.  I get that.

I also have this built-in distrust of our pharmaceutical industry and have never been keen on the idea of taking drugs, especially when, time and time again, certain drugs are approved by the FDA and are later found to be more harmful than they once thought.  Our bodies have immune systems for a reason, and the overuse (and especially improper use) of antibiotics has introduced some scary health problems, particularly with multi-drug resistant TB.  They actually say that it's a bad idea to use hand sanitizer because of the eventual risk of bacteria developing a resistance to the drugs.

So, with that in mind... I do think people could use a little more discretion in the drugs they take and trust that our bodies are efficient in what they do, provided that we take care of them properly.  Our health care system would probably be in much better condition if people didn't try to remedy everything with a pill.  But alas, there are times when I need to shun my idealism for a little bit of realism when it comes to matters of health and sickness.  I got a bit of a chest cold, after not even recovering from the last one (seriously, this is my 3rd $%*&ing chest cold in 3 months).  Turns out it's bronchitis, which, considering all the other chest colds I've had recently, could have gotten much worse had I left it untreated.  I actually took antibiotics for the first time in years, and I'm glad I did.  I was absolutely on-my-ass-all-day miserable.  And I'm feeling quite a bit better from the bronchitis, though I still get out of breath just from walking up the stairs.  Pretty nasty stuff.

In trying to be a little more trusting of my doctor, he was a little shocked that I wasn't on medication for hypothyroidism (underactive thyroid).  I know it's the reason I'm not like, a size 2 with as much as I work out and why I have to work so hard just to be a normal size.  And I will gain weight just thinking about gaining weight.  There are lots of other side effects when you are off medication too: fatigue, mental fogginess, memory problems, depression, weight gain.  All of which are ailments I have from time to time with various levels of severity.  So, I really gotta get back on this medication.  Synthroid has also been around for a while, so I think I can trust that it's safe after 20 or 30 years on the market.  I think this will help me out in a lot of areas and will also give me some more room in my diet and exercise so I don't have to be so bloody rigid.  I really am working against myself here--trying to be so healthy, yet, denying all along my own limitations which are preventing me to reach my potential.

Sounds like it should be a no-brainer, eh?  Stupid, I know... but I just thought I had things under a relative amount of control, but really, I could use the additional help considering my metabolism and system really is out of whack.

This week I'm going to enjoy the fact that I actually have two whole days off work.  Well, sort of.  I called the studio owner where I interned last year to ask for a recommendation and reference, and he is once again working with the local Shakespeare festival later this week.  Last year I worked on the cue music and small recording session for Romeo and Juliet.  It was a fun time, and I told him if he needed any help that I'd love to swing by to get my hands into something.  I feel a little out of practice and uninvolved without school and projects to work on, so I was more than willing to do it for free.  This year the budget is higher and they are doing a bigger recording session, so it turns out he's got a bit of cash for helping out, so double bonus.  Doing something I enjoy around great people and getting paid for it.  It probably won't turn into anything longterm, but I'm just so happy to have the opportunity to use my BRAIN to its capacity.  The downside of an easy, cake job driving a golf cart around all day in mostly beautiful weather is that I'm neglecting to use that massive amount of tissue floating around beneath my skull firing neurons and all that jazz.  Being a personality prostitute does have its limitations... but my bills are getting paid and I have a new pair of bright blue shoes (ok, I bought 4 new pairs of shoes actually), so I should shut my mouth for now and keep moving forward.