| | THINGS ONLY A MOM CAN TEACH
My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION :
"Just wait until your father gets home."
My Mother taught me about RECEIVING :
"You are going to get it when we get home!"
My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE :
"What were you thinking? Answer me when
I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"
My Mother taught me LOGIC :
"Because I said so, that's why."
&
"If you fall out of that swing and break
your neck, you're not going to the store
with me."
My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE :
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes,
they are going to freeze that way."
My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD :
"If you don't pass your spelling test,
you'll never get a good job."
My Mother taught me ESP :
"Put your sweater on; don't you think
I know when you're cold?"
My Mother taught me HUMOR :
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me."
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT :
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never
grow up."
My Mother taught me about SEX :
"How do you think you got here?"
My Mother taught me about GENETICS :
"You're just like your father."
My Mother taught me about my ROOTS :
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE :
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."
My Mother taught me about JUSTICE :
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn
out just like you. Then you'll see what it's like."
My mother taught me RELIGION :
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL :
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you
into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me FORESIGHT :
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case
you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY :
"Keep crying and I'll *give* you something to cry
about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS :
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM :
"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA :
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER :
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS :
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you,
would you listen then?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times :
Don't Exaggerate!!!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE :
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION :
"Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY :
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this
world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!" |
| | Posted 5/10/2004 11:35 PM - 4 comments
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