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| A Letter to My Younger SelfI got this from Janie, who got this from her roommate. Basically, you're supposed to give advice to your younger self.
"You're supposed to look back on your younger self, reflect on what you could've done better, what lessons you've learned, and what you wouldn't do now that you're older. This is supposed to help you tap into your inner self, bringing the old and the new you together."
I choose to write to my 14 to 17-year-old self, mainly because I feel like I'm pretty different now from who I was then.
So here goes!
Dear Kristine,
-Stop being so emo (haha). You're BLESSED BEYOND WORDS. Try counting your blessings more often because I promise you won't be able to stop counting.
-Try to build good study habits. You're alright your freshman and sophomore year of high school, but once junior year hits, you procrastinate as if you get paid for doing so! You get decent grades, but your studying habits suck. And it's going to hurt you in the long run, especially in college.
-Your parents love you like crazy. No joke. You may argue with them a lot these days, but realize that everything they say to and do for you is purely out of love. Don't be so critical with them. They're not perfect, but honestly, nobody is. You're never going to meet anybody that loves you more than they do. I know it's cliche, but they really do want the best for you. They want you to grow up to be a good person. So, just listen to them.
And while you're at it, try to make life easier for them. They're stressed. Daddy has a new job and a lot on his plate. Mommy wakes up early every morning just to make you a yummy breakfast. They both work to make sure you have a good life. Appreciate them. I know you love them, but just show it more often. They deserve it and so, so much more.
-You're going to make a lot of new friends. Really take the time and make the effort to get to know them well. You may not understand this now, but God really works through friendships. Your friends are going to teach you a lot about God.
And yes, you and Janie fight pretty badly once in awhile, but really, she's going to be there for you for everything. Don't take her for granted. And drive her around once in awhile, haha.
-Believe it or not, God is going to become more to you than just memorized prayers and mandatory mass. You actually have a relationship with Him. I won't go too much into detail because the experiences you will have in discovering God are just beautiful. It's going to be tough from time to time, but that's the beauty of it. You'll see =)
Sincerely,
Your 20-year-old self
Anyway, that was somewhat therapeutic. It's been a long time since I've updated. A lot has happened and I can't believe the end of another semester is just around the corner. I'll be going to the Philippines with friends on June 17 to do GK and spend time with my grandmother. I'm so excited! Please pray for us.
A lot is new, but I have a bunch of stuff to do, so that update will have to wait until later =)
God is definitely working here (and everywhere, of course). It's tough, yet joyful.
Anyway, it's time to crack that biochem =P Have a great night. I hope you have a great last few weeks of school! Take care and God bless.
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| Awkward Turtle Moments of the DayA few nights ago, as the temperature lowered itself to an insane 30 degrees, our heater broke. I didn't mind much because I like sleeping in the cold with a bunch of blankets.
So, today, the A/C & heater repairman came. He was polite and pretty tall, too. He reminded me a lot of Sean Connery, haha. He walked in and I showed him where the thermostat was. Tatay (my grandfather) walked passed us as I was showing him where the attic was. He said hi to Tatay, but I don't think Tatay heard him, which caused a little bit of an awkward silence. Then he helped himself up into the attic, where he stayed for about 20 minutes. I just went to the couch to continue reading the book Steffi got me (I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris, which is a great book about keeping Christ-centered relationships).
After a little while, he came down and went to the thermostat again. By this time, I'm at the table reading the book across from Tatay, who is dealing with some bills and reading letters. As the repairman walks by, he stares awkwardly at Tatay. I didn't pay much attention to it...or maybe it was just my imagination...but then I realized why he would. Oddly enough, Tatay had a steak knife on the table next to him. He was only using it as a letter opener for all the bills, but I have to admit, it kind of looked like he was using it as a precaution against the big, tall, intimidating, Sean Connery-like repairman, lol. Who keeps a steak knife close when reading letters? I hope the guy didn't get the wrong idea that the quiet, old man who didn't say "Hi" back was afraid of him.
He went back up to the attic and I continued to read I Kissed Dating Goodbye. After another five minutes, he came back down, told me the problem, and said he'd be back with paperwork for me to sign. Apparently, something is wrong with the PC control board, or whatever you call it. He didn't have the board with him, so he has to come back again tomorrow or the next day.
While he was telling me the problem and giving me paperwork, he was on hold with the insurance company, which was on speaker phone. He had been on hold for the past ten minutes or so with them. The phone in his pocket hummed funky music while the familiar "Please hold. The next available customer service representative will be with you shortly" played every minute or so. After a few times of hearing that line, he jokingly said, "Man, I've heard so many empty promises over the phone."
And I, not thinking before speaking, replied with an eager, "Story of my life!"
I guess it also didn't help that I had a copy of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, face up, right next to me. He looked at the book for a split second after my seemingly pitiful reply, then sympathetically said, "Oh no! I'm sure that's not true! Ha..Ha..."
And then I tried rapidly and, thus, incoherently explaining that what I meant to say was that I'm always put on hold with various companies and institutions while on the phone with them. Even just this morning I was put on hold by both UH and UT for awhile. I told him my sentence came out totally wrong and we both just laughed, super awkwardly btw, as I started walking him to the door.
I wonder if he looks forward to returning to the house of the "emo, heart-broken" girl and her "quiet, knife-carrying" grandfather this week. Oh, awkward turtle.
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| IndescribableI remember when the Campus-Based Camp ended, we called our last service team meeting in the atrium of the UCC. We gathered closely together on couches and the floor, hardly believing that camp had already ended. We reviewed what had happened throughout the weekend, commended each other, and praised God. I briefly shared my thoughts and Lee Roy and I expressed our gratitude to the service team. It was time for sharing.
One by one, brothers and sisters would express their thoughts. As we dug deeper into how each person felt about the past weekend, I could feel my throat tighten and the warm sensation of tears in the back of my eyes. My heart felt like a racetrack of restless emotions yearning to be expressed, but for those few moments, I found myself completely speechless.
It was in that silence of mine that I truly understood the meaning of "indescribable."
The whole weekend had been full of speaking, shouting, and singing praises to God. It was amazing and I got so much out of it. But, it was in that stillness that I realized that no matter what I say, shout, and sing about God or how much I express it, it can never, ever be enough. I have always known that, but it wasn't until then that I felt the reality of it.
Anyway, that was just something weighing on my heart that I felt like I should share. As for Thanksgiving...
I can't state it enough. God has blessed me so, so much. I am extremely undeserving of EVERYTHING and ANYTHING good that I receive. It's crazy. I feel a huge sense of unworthiness, but an even greater, more powerful sense of God's mercy and compassion. Praise God.
Take care always and God bless.
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| BlessedI don't think it's a coincidence that this month's theme for Campus-Based is "Blessed."
As of late, I've been taking a bunch of things here in Austin for granted, specifically (suprise, surprise...) school. I won't go into much detail, but there are days where I just absolutely dread waking up for class and times when I needlessly complain about all the things I have to do.
Yeah, I know it's normal, but really, I have no right to complain or to dread an EDUCATION. Just reading the words "dread an EDUCATION" makes me realize even more how much sense it does NOT make to take learning for granted. -bangs head on table-
We're all human and it's normal to complain about things like this, but I need to push myself to be more Christ-like and to have His love for all things good.
I've been feeling this way for a while now, but yesterday really opened my eyes:
Yesterday was the Muslim Students Association's annual Fast-a-thon in which those who choose to participate fast the entire day with Muslims celebrating Ramadan. I chose to fast yesterday and, as expected, it was great. I admit, there were times when I complained about being hungry. However, as always, fasting really helped me to realize how much I take even just a sip of water God gives me for granted each day. I usually fast for religious holidays and almost always get the same message out of it, but this time was different. Why?
A few days leading up to Fast-a-thon, I had the privelege of presenting GK at Filipino Cultural Night as well as to Campus-Based a few days after FCN. Reviewing all I had done there, all the people I had met, and the experience I had once again made me realize how spoiled I am. Not only that, but the morning of Fast-a-thon, I got a very serious email from a CFC leader...
It stated that a 12-year-old girl in the Philippines had committed suicide because she was so miserable in poverty. The poverty she lived in was apparently too much for her to handle and she felt she had to take her life.
She committed suicide. She was 12.
I read this email as I was dreading going to research lab that day on an empty stomach. Foolish me.
So, it seems like God is putting all these things right in my face to remind me that He has given me MORE THAN ENOUGH to live my life to the fullest.
And it really is more than enough. As I've said many, many times before, I met people at GK who lived in absolute poverty and STILL made the most of their lives. While here am I, at an amazing university in the United States of America, complaining about the education God has given me to one day, hopefully, glorify Him.
My prayer for this month of Thanksgiving (and in all honesty, for the rest of my life) is that I not only see all the things that I'm blessed with, but also that I acknowledge them and PRAISE GOD for them. By praising God, I don't just mean saying "Praise/Thank God for this," but to also praise Him through all of my actions.
Your prayers for me are greatly, greatly appreciated. And if there is any way that I can pray for you, please don't hesitate to let me know either by commenting on here, emailing me (kdematta@gmail.com) or contacting me in any other way, shape or form. We are a community.
Take care and God bless.
-Kristine
"Blessed are those who dwell in Your house
They are ever praising You
Blessed are those whose strength is in You
Whose hearts are set on our God."
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| Imagine the throne. What do you see? | | |
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