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Journals

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Currently Listening
Finding Neverland
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wandering down this path despite my persistency. i fear this path because of such things of the past. this road is one i've traveled before. its brilliance shines, the trees bare multiple hued leaves as well as the path that my feet follow...as i continue to walk the colors seems to be getting brighter. the sun is in a perpetual stage of setting on the horizon and the rays break through the forest onto my face, it brings warmth. i smile. i spin around in circles kicking the leaves like a young child. slowly the sky darkens. at first i do not realize it for i am still spinning. but then the thunder strikes and i am frozen. i now see the sky and a horror fills my whole body. last time the thunder struck as it just did the storm lasted for two years. it can't be. i shake those dreadful thoughts from my head and continue on down the path. i pretend i can still feel the warmth of the suns rays. the thunder rumbles again as if laughing at my imagination who is then joined by the lightning so bright it pierces my eye lids. they continue in my utter humiliation. the rain joins them. i fall to my knees and see the leaves have all fallen to the ground wet and in pieces, replicas of what use to be. i sink down face to the ground hoping for shelter at first but then in defeat i sit up arms hanging limp to each side of me. Face lifted up catching all the rain, eyes constantly blinking because of the reflexes trying to keep the rain out. this was the beginning of the storm last time i wandered down this path. must the paths always end in storm...no wonder so many fear the brilliant tree canopied paths. but we all travel down them and some have had the experience of brilliancies along the entire way. some day i guess i could as well but now i am fearful of these paths, but i guess some day the sun will be truly in perpetual setting.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Currently Listening
God of This City
By Passion
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tonight in mist of a slight set back and frustration i was shown some small but amazing things. first the sunset...anyone see it? it was gorgeous. it was probably four times as large as it normally is and the most brilliant orange setting on the tree filled horizon. then as i was watching The Ultimate Gift there was a scene on a ranch and

i told anna "and people want to live in the city."
to which she replied "i know."
"I've always wanted to live in a place like that. I know it would be hard work but...its gorgeous."

and then a scene in Ecuador

"That doesn't look real." _anna
"But the amazing thing is it is." _myself

then it hit me. God has given me a passion for missions that means i will most likely get to live the small town life like i have always wanted and that i will get to live in the "unreal" scenery! how amazing that it's always been a wish and then now i see it becoming a reality! then when driving home i saw the stars and moon shining in the night.

Beautiful Jesus beautiful savior
nothing is greater
beauty creator

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Currently Listening
Psalms
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ok. well i just watched pocahontas. i don't know i've been in a disney mood i guess. but some things that kept running through my mind the entire movie were things that i had never really thought about. i always get really annoyed with the english men for coming in and taking over. the fact that they think they're so much better and civilized and that they are the only ones able to teach things when really the native americans have so much to show them but then that made me think of something else..when i go to a tribe and i come into their life will it be like that. will they think i'm just this stuck up white person who thinks they're better then them and who wants to "improve" their lives? and while yes there may be things that i can help them with like maybe clean water and such but i was just thinking is that how they will picture or really see me as? its a crazy thought to me because i've never thought about it before. i mean i've always thought about how am i going to get into the country and when i get there how will i gain their trust and how will i understand their customs. but then nursing was a way i could gain their trust and just being there for them but i...i don't know i guess i never took the thought farther than that...and even though its a disney movie it ends in with happiness but it took death and fighting to get there...and its weird to understand all of this, well as much as i can and still. still knowing it all wanting with all of my heart to do that...go and be with i think a tribe maybe not a tribe i'm not sure i'm willing to go where ever but... its insane..i don't know..i know i've said this a million times but it just feels like i'm starting to understand it all and grasp it. that this is life ya know. i'm here to praise God and glorify His name everyday and therefore i'm not scared away by death or fighting...i mean i know i'm sitting in the "backseat" right now but i just i don't know i have a feeling that i won't have to worry about backing out

Friday, February 01, 2008

Currently Listening
Several Arrows Later
By matt pond PA
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so this won't be a deep one because i'm sick but bare with me:

why is it that we never realizes how much a person means to us until they aren't there. A friendship-that is no longer there, a relationship gone bad, just being too busy to ever see the other person, [this might seem lame but again bare with me] when one leaves on a vacation for awhile[good thing about that one is you'll figure it out in time], or moves to a different part of the country...I think it is really dumb that this happens this way. i'm not saying i don't respond this way i do that's why i'm writing but why can't we figure out how much someone means to you without the relationship going under or them leaving? are we that blind to such gifts of life? i've been thinking about this more and more as senior year comes to an end. and i've heard over and over that one hardly ever keeps in contact with their high school friends and while i understand that's reality it blows my mind because i have so many people around me right now that i have realized mean the world to me and i don't want to loose them. coehewdnjmjcr

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Currently Reading
Showdown: The Books of History Chronicles
By Ted Dekker
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simple yes. but still ever as sweet.
two things:
1. i love smiles.
they're so sweet. if someone else smiles you do. making someone else smile makes your day. they're cute. you can tell different things from different smiles. and so on...
2. God is SWEET!
so sweet. i don't really think i need to embellish but if one needs me to ooh i shall!

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

it truely is amazing. when you stop. just slow down and realize things. and i don't mean the type cliche like smelling the roses type thing but more so a...things are going a light speed and then you stop realizing the point to everything. and then all of sudden you are spinning out of control in light speed. you can't comprehend anything but you're still moving forward..ha or so you think. But then finally you just stop. things slowly stop spinning. lights still spinning around a bit but you understand that this is not where you're suppose to be. you get it. you begin to walk side by side and grab His hand. And in those moments the lights stop and you see clearly. You see the amazing people around you and wonder how you were ever jealous of the ones you love so dearly. You see that you are made for a purpose. Crafted with perfection to the smallest detail and you wonder how you ever thought differently. Then you look up at Him and see His smile...and wonder how you ever wandered else where and believed others. That is what i'm talking about when i say its amazing to stop.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Currently Listening
Taylor Swift
By Taylor Swift
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it was clear tonight and i looked up at the stars. i can't even remember the last time i did that. it was a nice easy yet chaotic night. It was a hot caramel apple cider with one of the only people i can constantly look in the eye and if i don't its weird when normally its vise versa with a stats book and lap top interrupting random conversations but it really doesn't matter...all that along with a short time visit from a new friend. a sign that no longer lit led us to the white tiled floor. with bread in hand we gazed at the fish, cds, tools, sports gear...headed out almost richer then to begin. got back into my car drove around the little plaza to find a place where i could turn right then with treble and bass of keith urban and waking ashland i saw the stars.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Currently Listening
Destination: Beautiful
By Mae
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not a mexico journal but those are coming.

yesterday night we watched rob bell's "today" nooma. it spoke on how we so often live for the past or for those of us who are in high school its more so the future rather then today. but the funny thing about that is we aren't garanteed tomorrow. we don't know if we'll get to tomorrow or we get stuck in the past, the good old days, when everything was perfect (or so we thought, nothing could get better). the group mentioned first impressions and ponders, then the wave crashed into me. aaron asked us if we could relate to what rob was talking about living in the past but aaron continued to say "i think so often you guys become paralyzed then can't move away from it..." i wasn't prepared. i drowned in water. In those moments i couldn't speak but my mind flew. the reel moved quickly and jumped between several memories...but then flipped forward to the previous day and past year and finally i could smile. i am no longer curled drowning myself with salt. i recognize the prayer that has been answered and i am okay with everything. in fact i'm really happy. those times are ones i will miss but now they no longer haunt they are just loving memories. its today i live for God. i can no longer be paralyzed by past or future. i also realized that i dwell to much on what's going to happen. i'm so excited. i get to go to tijuana but that is in six months and while yes i'm going to be excited i can't let it hinder me from living for Him today here where i am now. it's a simple concept but some how i have been allowing myself to stay under water. it had been a while since i have dwelt under water with the past but it was just something that i finally recognized and am breathing fresh air....no longer trying to live to the fullest but now trying to live to God's fullest for my/world's fullest isn't the life i want....these are my obscure random thoughts.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Mexico...be the remedy

Currently listening
Atmosphere
Sevenglory

Mexico was amazing. completely different from last year but i loved it. i have so much to write and comment on but i'll do the same thing i did last year where i used my journal and some pictures to talk about each day but for now. Our theme:

be the remedy

Galatians 5:13

Here we are; the broken and used mistreated, abused. Here we are. Here You are; The beautiful one who came like a Son, Here You are. So we lift up our voices, we open our hands to cling to the love that we can’t comprehend. Oh, lift up your voices and lift up your heads to sing of the love that has freed us from sin

He is the one, Who has saved us He is the one, Who embraced us He is the one who has come and is coming again He’s the remedy

Here we are; bandaged and bruised, awaiting a cure. Here we are. Here You are; Our beautiful King, bringing relief, Here You are with us. So we lift up our voices and open our hands, let go of the things that have kept us from Him

Oh, I can’t comprehend I can’t take it all in; never understand such perfect love come for the broken and beat, for the wounded and weak Oh, come fall at His feet He’s the remedy, He’s the remedy

You are the one, Who has saved us You are the one, Who forgave us You are the one who has come And is coming again to make it alright Oh, to make it alright, You’re the remedy Oh, in us You’re the remedy

Let us be the remedy Let us bring the remedy
_David Crowder