kellsabells's Xanga

Just My Heart, about His Heart, for Your Hearts!

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 15:05:32 GMT

This blog post is dedicated to the special and sweet girls in my church's youth group!
I've fallen in love with each one, am so blessed to see God's hand in their lives!
I wanted to post it publicly for you, my blog friends, because I value your wise thoughts and input too.

Dear Girls,

Have you ever wondered what modesty really is? If it's so important, why doesn't God's word spell out exactly what we are to wear, and what we aren't to wear? What's the whole deal with a guy's lust anyway? Your friend's parents are believers too, then why does she get to wear something you aren't allowed to?

When I was your age, I had all of these questions floating around somewhere in my head. It's Summer now, and the whole swimsuit thing has brought some of these questions up in your minds. I've had some good talks with some of you, but my heart has been really onto this topic. I've been praying for about a week, and God has used this time to solidify in my heart what His truth is on modesty. This letter is from me - to you, just my heart, about His heart, for your hearts.

The first modesty lie God addressed with me, was that I often associate modesty with clothing and clothing only....
Skirt lengths. Necklines. Fitted tops or pants. Width of straps. Swimsuits! We all have opinions on what is OK and what is not. Some base this decision on the amount of skin shown...others on what specific skin is showing.

The truth is, modesty is put forth in scripture as much more than the outward adornment. While it does include the clothing we choose, it is an attitude of the heart - a spirit of honor. The immoral woman of Proverbs 5 and 7 is described in detail, yet what she is wearing is not described, other then to say it was the attire of a harlot. What is described in detail is her behavior and spirit. We are told of her winking eye, her enticing speech, and the fact that she was out on the corner, instead of in her home.

Modesty starts in your heart. Where are your eyes looking? What is your focus? Is it on getting the attention of boys or is it on God, Himself? Are you where you're supposed to be, or are you wandering into situations and conversations where you shouldn't be? Modesty has as much to do with your conversation and attitude as it does with your clothes. If you act immodest, you give a young man permission to see you that way. But if you act modestly, you set unspoken boundaries and receive respect from young men.

The second modesty lie God addressed with me, is the thought that modesty is defined by a man's potential lust. When I was your age, I often heard, "You should not wear ____________ because a guy might be tempted to lust after you." This line of thinking came across to me as though it was my responsibility to think out every angle a guy might lust about,and somehow cover myself in such a way to guarantee no man would lust. It was overwhelming, and left me feeling dirty.

The Truth is that we are commanded to be modest, but for other reasons then " a guy might lust after us."
The Lord has shown me that this is a false point of shame and guilt that is not of Him. He never commands in His word that we women are to be modest because men might lust.
Based on 1 Corinthians 8, we are told to limit ourselves, so that we not cause another believer to stumble. You need to be aware that men are created differently then you are. Where you are drawn to attention and emotional feelings from guys, they are drawn to the physical body in girls. This is God's design, now marred by sin, but we must take it into account when choosing our clothing. Every guy is designed by God to be totally enraptured by his future wife's body. We MUST NOT put them in a position of temptation, however, to focus only on the potential of a guy's lust, is to place over ourselves an ungodly fear, shame or worry. In God's word, it is the man who lusted that is held responsible for the sin - not the woman he lusted after.

The truth is, your motivation to be modest should be based on honor. To uphold the word of God (Titus 2), and to do good to your future husbands (Prov. 31) ultimately bringing God honor. When you are under your parent's roof, you are to seek out their direction and preference on what you wear. When you are married, you will look to your husband for this input, and follow it happily. If God wills you to be single, He will supply others, like brothers or best girlfriends, that you can submit to. It is in this position, that a woman of any age is safe and protected by God's hand from man's shameful lust.

The third modesty lie God addressed with me is that what is modest for one, is what is modest for all. Along with this comes the thought that we can judge others, or that we have to live under the judgement of others. I'm sure we all have people in our lives that are more conservative then we are, and others that are less conservative then we are. I'm also sure we've all been on both sides of the judging coin. We've looked down on someone for what we considered immodesty, and we've had someone call us immodest. I think this is the most dangerous of the three modesty lies, because this is where Satan gets believers to tear down other believers and God's word.

The truth is, God lays out commands of modesty in His word. The Holy Spirit directs us to form (under our authorities) personal convictions of how that is lived out in our lives.
There aren't any commands like, "Thou shall not wear a skirt shorter then 36in." =) Sometimes I think it'd be easier if there were, but then I'd miss out on seeking God's face.
The Holy Spirit gives us personal convictions based on seeking to glorify God, and to submit to our parents (someday a hubby =). It is through those two pursuits that God will direct you and show you what you are to wear and what you aren't to wear. You must be obedient though....not a daughter who pushes the limits of what her parents allow. There is a difference between asking, "Can I get away with wearing this?" and asking" What do you wish me to where?"

A mature believer recognizes that while God has given her a specific conviction, He may not have given that same conviction to her friend. I loved being at the beach with you girls the last couple of weeks.....we had such good talks about how each of us had chosen our swimming suites, and we all had something different that was important to us, didn't we?
Look around at the creativity of God's nature for a minute. Why would He make us all alike or the same? He didn't, and He sovereignly gave us different authorities to help us in the way He knew we would need help.

My favorite moment was when one of you shared that although her parents have a more conservative desire for her swimming suite, she was fine with that. She realizes that for some reason, God knows she needs to be wearing that suite. She doesn't look on other suites as being more modest or less modest then her own....she just knows what is modest for her, and she loves everyone else in her life. She has a true confidence, free of judgement.

A mature believer realizes that it's all about Jesus.

Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth and the life."
When we're with someone who demonstrates immodesty in dress or attitude or focus, our desire should be not to change their actions, but to impact their heart for Jesus. To point them to Jesus because He is the way and the truth and the life. In order for that to happen, this must be the cry of our hearts, "Jesus is my way, my truth, and my life."

So what is modesty?
Based on my findings,
It is a heart that seeks to glorify God, to honor a (future) spouse, and to obey authority happily that the word of God be upheld.

Be obedient to God's best, but be free from false shame or the judgement of others.

If this issue is really on your heart, I encourage you to seek out your parent's wisdom. Even unsaved parents can be used by God to give you direction in your dress. If you have any questions about my thoughts, or you just want to discuss something I've said - let's do it!!!

Otherwise, know that you are loved and that I pray for you!!!

True modesty is a Christian girl's most beautiful asset!!!

Friday Family Night!

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 22:41:24 GMT

Steve enjoys Friday afternoons off between Memorial and Labor days....one of the facinating perks at his company.

He isn't always able to take advantage of this option, but this week, he arrived home right after lunch, and we headed out for a family fun day of shopping, exploring and eating yummy food.

We had such a blast, as we always do. Watching our boys take in new sights; seeing things through their eyes is a wonderful joy in parenting. God has so richly blessed us with these two little men - I love the ongoing discovery of their personalities and individual strengths. Any of you other moms just dying to know what God has in store for your little one?? At the same time, we hug our babies close and wish to hold onto THIS moment forever too.

Anyway, so yeah, I'm shamelessly in love with all three of my boys.

Pics of our adventure here.

A Summer Afternoon!

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 09:41:04 GMT

A bunch of my favorite girlies met the boys and me at the beach yesterday afternoon!!!

What fun we had in the sun and sand - just discussing the more important things of life while working on our tans!

Date Night on the Beach...

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 13:42:17 GMT

Steve and I enjoyed such a lovely evening together on Friday. We took a picnic supper and spent several hours on the beach, eating, exploring the dunes, walking in the waves and watching the setting sun reflect off the clouds above. So romantic and refreshing!!!

I had grilled bbq chicken strips on woodend skewers earlier in the day and then chilled them. It made for a very yummy picnic food.

Walking and Talking.... with my best friend - I couldn't ask for more!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 17:25:48 GMT

Kelly is absolutely more then blessed to be Mom alongside the most incredible Daddy ever!

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 10:37:44 GMT

Today, I am using my xanga to post a large group of pictures all in one place. I've collected these photos specifically for a friend, though all are welcome to enjoy these beautiful flowers.

I love the dark brown shade in this one....and you'll see there are allot of Calla Lilies in many of these pics.

The grapevine draped on this table is really cool.....??

Remember how we talked about sticks? I like this stick in this boutonniere. Unique idea.

This cluster of pumpkins and floral is beautiful, and thought would be even more stunning with all white heirloom pumpkins.... Could be used on the stage - on either side. On top of grand piano.....or one cluster like this behind the chairs at the back of the church....one on each side - check out next pic.

The grapevine in this bouquet is just cool.

Another cool boutonniere, though very purple.

Roses and mums....the plant your Mom was mentioning in the store.

Check out the brown leaves in this bride's bouquet?

So Goes the Journey....

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 14:45:41 GMT

Here it comes....the big decision that has caused me to find a whole new place of dependance on the Lord.

SCHOOL???
Home school?
Public or Private?

In truth - this will be easy, especially for me because I have an amazing leader/husband to follow and trust God's hand through.

In the past the issue of schooling has been sticky for me - but due to my own sin of fearing man's opinion rather then seeking God's glory. I have had countless people assume that I was adamantly headed towards home schooling just because my parents home schooled me. These assumptions were usually made by home schooling mothers probably curious as to the result of a home schooled child. How would it result in their kids etc?

I'll never forget one woman who went so far as to assure me that even if my husband "didn't understand" ( you see, Steve was not a home schooled child and therefore a foreigner to the "right way" *wink*), that I would be able to "bring him around" in time. My mouth was hanging open during this speech - literally. Most of the time - it has been kind comments or inquiries made by people whose hearts are that of caring about our little family.

5 years ago, I would have been very fearful to think of home schooling. I know firsthand what it entails, and I firmly believe it is a calling that God equips some for and others not. Though, because we are ALL equipped to bring Him glory in obedience, I have never felt unable to home school, just not desirous of it. =)

Funny thing is, the closer the whole schooling thing loomed, my fears shifted to where I felt it'd be easiest to just home school. Then I wouldn't have to have all the right answers for those who would ask why I wasn't home schooling. Starting last Summer, God began to take me through the process of turning this all over to Him. It was on my heart and something I even shared about at a small Bible study with close friends. I laughed at their perplexed faces. Glendon was only 2.5, and school seemed so far off then, but God knew I needed to work through it last year. He even allowed me to go through some judgement from others to "practice" trusting Him with their opinion of me/us.

I can't pinpoint an exact day or moment that my heart changed. I just know that God has freed me of this bondage to my own pride and the judgement, or perceived judgement, of others.
It had allot to do with a specific date night where Steve and I sat at a restaurant table and talked for hours about our boys, our hearts for them, what God's word says to us about raising them etc. It refreshed the foundation upon which decisions such as school method will be made. It was so good! We've gone back to that restaurant and to that very table twice since to discuss and pray further about future school plans. We call it our "Schooling table". =) Each time we went away with a "let's continue to pray about this" thought.

The one thing God keeps showing Steve and I is that this decision will be a yearly, child by child type decision. He has specifically shown us that it would be foolish for us to put ourselves into some sort of box on this issue as though there is no changing - or that change in the future would mean failure or misguidance. From working with over 60 youth, we've seen a wide spectrum of fruit resulting from varying education choices. Some of the most honorable teen guys attend the "worst" public high school in town. Some of the most challenging of young people have been home schooled all of their lives. God has also shown us that He will lead us year by year - boy by boy - in the way He wants us to go. It won't be about finding that perfect road leading some perfect ending, but about taking responsibility for being Dad and Mom, but fulfilling those roles without fear.
All we have to do is follow....

Two weeks ago, Steve came home with some information on a couple of preschools. I balked at first. I'm not ready for my little man to be away from me - even for just 12 hours a week. It was pure selfishness. Steve shared some very specific reasons why he felt this would be good for our family, and that he just wants us to pursue the options. Steve is very in tune to Glendon's strengths, weaknesses and where he thrives. My heart knew he was right in feeling that Glendon would gain from being in a traditional classroom setting whether that be this year or next.

This morning we visited a wonderful private Christian School, and tomorrow we will visit the preschool run by Steve's company. We are fully aware that God can close either of these doors at any moment and direct us to teach Glendon at home this Fall. I am just having so much fun on the journey to finding out. I am ready for whatever Steve directs, and know that it is God in him.

Glendon was so cute touring the school this morning. He was excited and checked out everything from the learning toys to the quiet time cots. His only question for the teacher was, "Where is the gym?" =) NOW, I do realize that GP is only 3.5 years old, but from very early on, he's been gifted and driven in the area of sports. Glendon was the first 2 yr old I've known to sit through an entire NFL game with his daddy. =) One of today's highlights was the huge case of trophies displayed in the school hallway. It'll be neat to see if sports continues to be one of his biggest callings as he grows.

It was important to us that Glendon come along on the tour for all of the "boring" questions because we are including him in the prayer process as well. We want him to see that we are seeking God in this decision, and I feel strongly that he see me take direction from God through Steve ( as our leader). I also want him to be aware that we are trusting God's sovereignty; that the choice of school would not be our's but God's....and that we take whatever He brings us with a happy heart. Glendon already prays at night that "God would show Daddy where he should have school next year." Glendon needs to see that we are about God's best, not our own comfort.

Many times I am tempted to go into "Shelter Mode" with my boys....to feel very protective and that nothing out there is quite pure and safe enough for them. I fly into gallant, but purely emotional, fits of declaring within my heart that I will keep them safe for everything; from temptation (hello! like that doesn't happen in this very house), from rejection, from "naughty kids" (which both of mine are), from this very world itself. The truth is these thoughts are lies - straight from the Enemy. He can even mask them with scripture or spiritual lingo at times.... convincing me that somehow I am onto a "higher way" or fulfilling some sort of higher calling that I have been so wise as to see. How arrogant of me to boast in my heart against the Lord like this. He alone brings anything good to pass in our kid's hearts!!!

I am called to be faithful in my parenting, and God has outlined that in His word as being an excellent wife to their father, pointing them to the gospel, dealing with their sin, training them in righteousness, and sharing truth of His word for their daily lives. God never calls me to manipulate or shelter their spiritual walks. In fact, I can't. That is His work, His perfect and sovereign work in my child's heart. There is nothing I can do to guarantee my sons will choose Christ, and somehow that is the most comforting truth I have discovered. I am flawed and broken and would surely mess it up. I am so thankful that it is out of my hands and safely in the hands of their Creator and Savior....the Most High God.

So goes my journey that began at each son's birth - that of letting them go; continually turning them over to the Lord and allowing God to sustain, direct, judge, comfort, protect, strengthen and in every way provide exactly what these little men need.

Happiness is realizing that I get to be the mom through the process.

So goes the Journey....

Where am I headed?

Thu, 15 May 2008 09:07:35 GMT

The Lord has been speaking to me recently about His command to ponder the paths of my feet.

" Let your eyes look straight ahead, and your eyelids look right before you.

Ponder the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established.

Do not turn to the right hand or the left; remove your foot from evil."

Proverbs 4:25-27

In the same chapter, His wisdom says,

"Let your heart retain my words; keep my commands and live. (vs.4)

Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life." (vs.23)

There's instruction here pertaining to much thinking, keeping watch, alertness of mind and Spirit, taking time to consider action, choosing to retain truth, focus and direction.

Where am I headed?
Is this thought/feeling truth based or not?
Will this action result in God's glory?
Where am I looking?
Is my heart free of distraction?
Is my walk established?

I am learning to take more time to obey this command to ponder before returning phone calls, accepting an invitation, responding to an email, planning my day, counseling others, blogging even.

Only in checking and rechecking my heart against God's truth....choosing to retain His wisdom above my own....and considering diligently the path under my feet can my walk be established and fruitful.

Thank You so much.....

Tue, 13 May 2008 21:01:21 GMT

........to those of you who have prayed and followed up with phone calls etc. regarding my Grandpa.

The update is as follows.
Last Sunday, a procedure was done on his heart to determine the extent of his need for the implantable cardioverter defibrillator (ICD). During this procedure, my Grandpa's heart continued to beat in a regular pattern, which was good but also meant that Medicare would not cover the implantation at that time. This was a bit of a roller coaster type feeling for our family as we had all geared up for this ICD to bring relief and some assurance. Grandpa was released and sent home to experiment with medications for 3 months after which, they will assess his improvement (or lack thereof) and possibly revisit the ICD option again. As of now, Grandpa remains weak but in good spirits. He suffers a compulsive cough associated with heart failure that makes sleeping through the night hard, but he's handling it well. My Grandma is very attentive feeling aware that things could go downhill quickly, but she is trusting the Lord as she always has.

Steve and I took our boys over there last week to enjoy some time with their Great Grandparents, but after we terrorized their toy cupboard and nearly choked to death on a teddy ghram (Jaydon received the Heimlich twice from my nurse cousin before breathing again..... tense moments), I wasn't sure how helpful we really were to the "heart patient"!!! =)

In other news: Jaydon is finally cutting two top molars. He still only has his 6 primary baby teeth up front, and yet insists on eating quickly and aggressively. If I don't stay on top of monitoring his intake, he'll stuff his mouth so full and choke. Must be a second born survival instinct..... or just plain old greed in his little sinning heart.

Glendon "received divine revelation from God" the other night that he could "take a water gun from Jonathan." (Jonathan is one of our youth kids.) We assured Glendon that to do so would be stealing and that stealing is sin. Glendon looked appalled before replying, " I not sin. God sometimes tells me to steal. It not sin if God tells me to take it." This led to a great discussion about God's holiness and how His direction is always inline with His character. I guess we're thankful that Glendon is beginning to grasp the fact that God is our authority...now for his understanding of WHO God is. =)

Check out these monkeys found in a local park:

Please Pray...

Thu, 01 May 2008 20:46:36 GMT

As I mentioned in my previous post, my Grandpa is experiencing some heart failure.

He had bypass surgery several years ago, and even at his annual checkup last year, was doing well. It has been recent and sudden that the weakness and shortness of breath and heart skipping has occurred.

His cardiac catheterization went well today, and he is resting comfortably. The concerning news being that they did not find much in way of blockage that would be causing this failure. The best case scenario was that they would discover blockages that they could stint, and the heart would regain it's strength.

We're waiting further information. My Dad and his sisters remain at the hospital this evening with my Grandma, so for those of your who know and love Paul and Bonnie Haumersen, please keep them in your prayers.