| | I'm losing my identity...Slowly but surely, everything i seem to relate to and consider "me," or "home," is falling apart.
I
guess I have always wanted to imitate my parents - marry very young,
populate the earth, have a rewarding if insanely chaotic life, etc. I
revel in our eccentricity and uniqueness...and it's dissapearing...
Mom
was married at 17. Dad was 21. They dropped out of school, yet dad is
now working on his master's and mom is finishing her bachelors, and we
live quite comfortably. I'm incredibly proud of them.
I'm nineteen with no prospects within any fathomable amout of time.
Mom quit her job to take care of us.
She's working - part time now, full time eventually. Granted, it's as a teacher at the kids school, but still.
And thats another thing. She homeschooled us for 11 years.
I'm in college and the kids are in Christian school.
We moved all the time. It was rough. It sucked. It made us strong.
We haven't left the area, really, in seven years. Too many memories here. It's time to go.
"And he's talking with Davy, who's still in the Navy And probably will be for life..."
I
take pride in the fact that my dad is in the navy. I take pride in the
fact that we have lived 3 1/2 years without him, and are still a strong
family.
Two days ago he put in his retirement papers.
Is
it just me, or is everything I identify myself with falling apart? I
LOVE freaking people out: "Yep, they dropped out of school to get
married, mom quit her job to homeschool us (by the way, all SEVEN of
us), dad's an XO on ships, been gone for years, mom does it ALL on her
own. And yes, I want at least four children. Preferably seven."
The
way their mouths drop is amazing, and oh so funny. I love pushing
peoples buttons. I love my family. I'm proud of the struggles, the
sacrafices, the silliness, and the insanity.
I JUST FEEL SO
RESTLESS AND OUT OF PLACE! I need to go trot the globe for a year and
just go DO something before I come back and aquaint myself with all
this normality....I feel like I'm somehow missing my calling, like it's
somehow passed me and I'll never be able to grasp it.
Ok, fine. enough of that. if anyone's still reading, I'm sorry.
Someday I will be able to sing this....
When you look into my eyes
And you see the crazy gypsy in my soul
It always comes as a surprise
When I feel my withered roots begin to grow
Well I never had a place that I could call my very own
That's all right, my love, 'cause you're my home
When you touch my weary head
And you tell me everything will be all right
You say, "Use my body for your bed
And my love will keep you warm throughout the night"
Well I'll never be a stranger and I'll never be alone
Whenever we're together, that's my home
Home can be the Pennsylvania Turnpike
Indiana's early morning dew
High up in the hills of California
Home is just another word for you
Well I never had a place that I could call my very own
That's all right, my love, 'cause you're my home
If I travel all my life
And I never get to stop and settle down
Long as I have you by my side
There's a roof above and good walls all around
You're my castle, you're my cabin and my instant pleasure dome
I need you in my house 'cause you're my home.
You're my home.
"You're my Home"
by Billy Joel |
| | Posted 1/31/2007 11:31 PM - 4 comments
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*hugs*
