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kinn2him
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Name: Kenn
Country: United States
State: North Carolina
Metro: Greenville
Birthday: 9/25/1970
Gender: Male
Interests: Becoming more of the man God has planned for me to be.
Expertise: being weak that He may reveal His strength in me...
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
6/9/2005
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| i just have to chuckle...why?... because God... that's it, just 'because God.' i have been trying to motivate myself to post a new post for a while... i mean, c'mon, 3 months?... no, it's not about making sure that people will forget me (like that'd happen)... or if i don't blog, i don't get the strokes or affirmation (i am more and more reliant on Him for those)... or even just the idea that it has been a while... it comes down to the original reason i started blogging in the first place... i don't journal well... i don't regularly write about all God is revealing Himself to Be and all that He is providing... and if i don't take the time to write these things, i often take them for granted or even miss them altogether. so, here i am... 5 workdays from my job-exodus... i don't have to smear lamb's blood or build an ark or anything... even though it's tempting (metaphorically speaking, of course)... for the majority of my life, i have been taught and expected to plan ahead and budget my finances, usually failing miserably... and in april, God told me to step out of the boat... not to pursue a "plan", but to trust Him and to pursue Him... so my last day at my job is next thursday... and i leave that saturday for 19 days (2 youth camps and some good visiting in texas!)... when we get back from texas, i will have 2 weeks before school starts (getting excited!), and jenn will have 2 days left at HER job... that's right, she has turned in her notice, too! now, before you panic, unlike myself, she has a gig lined up... she and a fellow graduate are taking over the campus grill at lenoir community college and will have little to no overhead apart from actual food/paper cost... this will prove to be VERY lucrative, both for now and in preparing her for her ultimate vision (that's hers to share)... i was told very clearly not to pursue loans, etc.... me: "so... what You are telling me is NOT to plan ahead or budget... is that right?"
God: "yep" ... i found this to be a little unnerving, but as i was informed that i was admitted into my chosen degree for grad school within 6 weeks of starting the application process... i trust God implicitly with this school thing... and more and more with everything else... i was granted pretty decent student loans, and i didn't have to pursue anything... and thanks to another recently announced gift, the balance of my loan will be able to be banked and freed from our initial plan (oops... i wasn't really paying attention, was i?)... and will meet some of the "back burner" needs... with some left over... i have seen and now know something that i have been saying for years... "if it's important to us, it's important to Him"... ponder this for a moment: - some sins seem worse than others
- the sacrifice that Christ made covers all sins equally
- it is no more difficult... no more work to save a one-time liar than a cold-blooded mass-murderer
- no sin is bigger, badder, more deserving of damnation than another
thus far, this is probably nothing new... but stay with me: - some needs seem bigger than others
- God's provision is made according to His riches and glory, not our perceived degree of need (phil. 4:19)
- God owns the earth and everything in it... He IS the "bank" (ps. 50:12)
- it is no more trouble or burdensome for God to meet a "meager" need for a cup of coffee than for Him to meet a HUGE need like healing the wounds of international tragedies... .
- truth be told, to God, no need is greater than another... because He holds the resources to meet them all... to OVERFLOW!!!
if you can trust His grace... boundless... unconditional... available to all of the undeserving... if you can trust His Love... boundless... unconditional... available to all of the undeserving... then leave room to trust His provision... because it, too, is boudless... unconditional... and available to all of the undeserving... ... we are undeserving and yet He tells us that if we seek His Kingdom first, we don't have to worry about provision... (mt 6:25-34) | | |
| don't look away...so i sent out an e-mail to my intercessor list (let me know if you would like to be included in that list... i'll keep you posted here, regardless) all that God is doing and i got a reply from one of those interceding for me and it included this statement: "Be on the lookout for the crazy ways He is going to provide! I am so proud of you. There is coming a day of prosperity for you. I don't know why I just wrote that but I believe it. You are coming into a new season. I love you man!" ...and i know EXACTLY why he/she said it... God showed me that putting the need for provision out of my mind to "not worry about it" is NOT trusting or believing for that provision... it is merely ignoring the issue entirely... picture this... i LOVE my dog, lexi, and i LOVE giving her treats, but she KNOWS that i have to say "okay" before it's hers... so i can literally hold a treat in front of her nose and say "wait", and she will not take it... (keep in mind, she is a 110 lb. rottweiller)... but she can't look at it while she waits... she has to look away and ignore it. but as soon as i say "okay". this is the powerful reveal (i.e. "TAH DAH!!!") that lets her know that NOW the treat is hers... and trust me, she does not miss a beat taking it gently (sometimes) from my hand and devouring it. God showed me that this is what i have been doing, and He wants me to look at the promise of His provision. He wants me explore the fullness and ginormous-ness ("ginormosity"?) of that provision and look it (and Him)straight in the face... patiently and contentedly waiting for the moment when He goes "okay" (or "TAH-DAH!!!") so that i will already have seen some of just how ridiculous His provision is... "my cup runneth over". sooo... since this e-mail, i have become more and more excited about what He's said He's gonna do... and the fact that the more i know what to expect... the more room there is to overflow my cup... my pitcher... my bathtub... my pool... you get the idea... to top this off, one of the girls at work who has continued to be open to hearing about all that God's been doing... she is a Christian, but she is kind of hesitant to explore all that He has for her... anyway, she told me today that she was really worried for me about the "provision" part of what i was telling her... she said that she was talking with her boyfriend about it and it was really bothering her, and then, all of the sudden she had a peace about it... when she was explaining this to me, i told her that it made sense. her response was, "yeah, kenn, but i don't have what you do"... i was able to assure her that the peace that she experienced was from the same Spirit that i have... and that she has exactly what i have... she just hasn't explored it... no, she hasn't explored Him like i have. i told her that i felt the same way about those who have greater faith than i do... 'i don't have what they have'... she didn't say much, but i'm sure it got her thinking... it did me. i DO have exactly what the benny hinns, the oral roberts, the pat robertsons, the billy grahams, the greg kennedys... in fact... i have exactly the same thing that Jesus Christ, Himself, has... i have a Father, Who Is, Himself, all that Love is... i have the exact same Spirit that raised Him from the dead... in fact, i would say that i have one thing Jesus doesn't have... i have Jesus as my Saviour and my Brother... WHAT ELSE IS THERE?!!! so needless to say, i am NOT looking away from ANYTHING, right now... i am looking for the provision and am anticipating more than i can fathom... and then even BIGGER!!! serving in awe of His ridiculosity,
kenn/scott | | |
| i'm in...you know, one might think that i'd be more excited about getting the official word that i have been accepted to grad school for this fall... i wasn't even "watching the mailbox" for the letter... so when i read the letter and read the words "it was the decision of the committee to accept you into the Rehabilitation Counseling and Substance Abuse and Clinical Counseling Tracks for the Fall Session, 2008...", i was wondering why i wasn't more enthusiastic... for a moment i wondered how much my heart was into it... then it dawned on me (okay... "then God showed me"), the letter was only the physical manifestation of what i already knew to be true... this was momentous for me!... and for this i am very enthusiastic... in the past... i have proclaimed what God has told me to be true... and spoke it with boldness, but i often had a contingency plan... not this time... i have even put off actively looking for a job because i won't be able to work after mid-july, based on prior commitments and the fact that i will most likely not be able to work a regular job (not full time anyway) once classes start... and in my line of work, this would disrupt the treatment and progress of the consumers i would serve... so my actions have lined up with my words... which lined up with my faith in the fact that i was getting accepted for the fall... it's funny, because of the getting in, i have had no doubt or contingency plan... of the God paying for it... i have dabbled in contingencies... (no active pursuit, but done some "information seeking" into student loans and such...)... so why is it i can believe part of what He has told me, and not the rest of it?... is it because i had some control into how well i presented myself through my application, testing and interviews?... no, because i have been confident before i even took my test to submit my application... my conclusion? since God has ALWAYS proven Himself True to His Word, and since He is not man that He could lie (even if He wanted to)... and since He, Himself, has told me that He has already made provision for ALL of my needs... He asked if my faith was big enough for loans, or for full provision... i am convinced... it is for FULL PROVISION!!! so, i am excited... not for getting the letter to tell me what i already knew... but for what it showed me that i didn't quite know yet. | | |
| grad school interviews...(this was initially a limited mailing email, but i am compelled to post this... stand with me... we serve an awesome and ridiculous God!): i had my interviews for grad school last thursday... i felt that they went very well... and i am even MORE convinced that this is the right path... and the right timing... in talking with the founder of the substance abuse program at ecu (GO PIRATES!!!), there were twice as many reasons as i had to begin with... the program is 5 semesters (count 2 summer sessions as a semester) and i will have not one... but two master’s degrees, and will eligible for two licenses... one of which was my initial “goal” and that is as an LPC (licensed professional counselor) and the other is as an LCSAS (licensed clinical substance abuse specialist)... it’s only one class more than a single degree... (can you say “ridiculous”?)... as for the admissions process, i submitted my application 2 days before the deadline, and it hit the desk of my interviewer the day after someone who submitted their more than a month earlier... so i am accepted into ecu’s graduate school, just not into my program... yet... the second step was the interviews (which, like i said, went very well)... i connected with both interviewers and was sincerely interested in what they had to say... the next step is where they “score” me by assigning points to various aspect of my application... they look at my overall undergrad gpa (uh oh!... that’s a 2.48... not too goooood!)... then they look at my senior year gpa (that’s a little over a 3.0), and that one weighs more (WHEW!!!)... then they look at my mat (miller’s aptitude test... and whenever people look at my score, an eyebrow goes up and i get a “that’s a good score... that’s a very good score...”... so that’s a good thing)... then they assign points to my related work experience (ummm... 6 years in mental health... HECK yeah!)... then they look at my statement of intent (that’s good, because God wrote it, Himself)... my related coursework (lots of social work and psychology... good stuff)... and how i presented in my interview (how could THAT be a problem?...)... with this score, my interviewer acts as my advocate in the next faculty meeting and he presents my “case”... if there are concerns, he has to be able to answer them, because he knows me best (ummm... okay... God is bigger than my concerns on this one) soooo... as the faculty is meeting either this wednesday or next wednesday, i should know in less than 2 weeks THAT i have been accepted... (not “if”)... now that’s not “positive thinking” or “name-it-claim-it”... that is simply looking at what God has laid out before me... and listening to what He’s been saying... (it also adds to my confidence that when my interviewer was explaining the process, he was explaining that if i did not get in this fall, applying in the spring was a good idea as there are fewer applicants... well... he interrupted himself after “if you don’t get accepted for the fall” with a side note of “you do have a really strong application, so i don’t see why you wouldn’t...” and then he caught himself with a “but i can’t promise anything...” and continued with his original thought... ) now, i will be taking 12 hours each semester (9 is full time for a graduate, 12 is the max load... and the norm for this degree), so work is not really an option... as God has blessed me with a decent paying job, i don’t qualify for financial aid (as far as i can tell)... so i was prepared to try to get student loans... when i was talking with one of my mentors, he asked me, “how much faith do you have?... student loan faith?... or complete provision?”... {insert dumb-founded look here}... he went on to tell me tell Daddy what i need and ask Him for it... let me start by stating for the record that i am NOT soliciting money from any of you, i am laying it out here with you all to hold me accountable and stand with me for the provision: Daddy, i want what You have for me... in the natural, jenn and i need to have as much money as we currently making plus all of the costs of school (tuition, books, parking, fees, supplies and a laptop). in the super-natural, I know that You have so much for me that i don’t want limit any of that provision... and i don’t want to limit what that provision looks like or requires of me... i put my complete trust in You and thank You now that it is already done. give me peace when it doesn’t “look” done or “feel” done, and an unwavering commitment to trust You with each step and each penny. thank You for Being... thank You for Loving... thank You for relating with me... so Be it! ****edit: Daddy, i have not forgotten that You have promised me a house, and i am standing on that provision, as well as for 2 reliable vehicles... whether they be the ones we have now or not... so Be it!**** | | |
| knowledge isn't proven until it's tested...i pray that you are well... i have had a rough week this week... after posting my last blog, i had ample opportunity to apply what He has been showing me... the details don't matter, but tuesday was a rough day... satan and a few "old men" from my past gang rushed me and tried to beat my brains in... i was tired and felt like quitting (the "powerless" man)... when i left work, there was a 50/50 chance i wasn't going back... (the "loser" man)... i withdrew and felt alone (the "depressed" man)... i felt like i was a child again and i couldn't do anything right (the "helpless" man and the "worthless" man)... but God... God's Truth about each of these: i am not powerless, the joy of the Lord is my strength!... i am not a loser, i am a son of the Most High God!... i am not bound by depression, i have a peace that passes understanding!... and i am neither helpless or worthless, i am a son of the Most High God! i am a brother of Christ and full heir the Kingdom! and my worth is defined by my Creator, not by my accomplishments or failures... so i write this blog for 2 reasons, first, to show you that i am not perfect and don't have it all together... (those of you who know me beyond the virtual realm, i know that this is a given...), and second, as an exhortation... when God gives us anything... money, knowledge, health [ouch!], He expects us to use it and use it as good stewards... what good is knowledge, if we never have the chance to use it?... now that does not mean that all knowledge should be pursued (ask adam and eve... remember the tree of knowledge of good and evil?)... so consider our present suffering an opportunity for us exercise what He's given us us... and for God to prove Himself and His Truth. so, be loved, and hang in there... cleaning our nets after a fishless night is crap work (literally) and it doesn't seem like there's any point in putting the net out again, and again... but i know that God has a plan... and He has a purpose and a destiny for me... even if i can't see it... or smell it... or taste it... or even imagine it. i know it because He says so... " 'for I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.' " jer 29:11 (nas) and i know it's Truth... because His Word says so, "God is not a man, that He should lie, nor a son of man, that He should repent; has He said, and will He not do it? or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?" num 23:19 (nas) what do YOU know to be True? are you standing on it, even when it doesn't seem True? | | |
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