soon.

ok I am officially back in New York. Done with the hibernation state and this should be safe now.

Going back to the Philippines and walking the same path that I once walked ten years ago was NOT a vacation... it was not an IMMERSION it was RELIVING the life I once had, three hundred percent worst than ever... and exposing and living the life the masa... the poeple constantly being silenced, abused, exploited..my brothers and sisters, friends and relatives.. my neighbors and family... the very essence of what we are fighting for.. the 'P'ILIPINOS...

I have nothing but respect and absolute honor and pride to the organizers and the new heroes that I met, guided and protected me as I walked the cities, slums, mountains and plainlands of the Philippines Islands.. kulang ang panahon. No words can ever express how grateful, thankful and appreciative I am for every single sweat, blood and simple assistance provided to me while I was back home.

As for my friends, I know it has been a long time and I should have had more time, but I know u understand that it was best for me to be unknown for several occassions. To those who I had the absolute pleasure of meeting and seeing again, thank you very much for showing up and giving a little of ur time to have a simple reunion of common friends, sisters and brothers. I am glad to know and realize that the same friends I left, are still there for me... and for my part, I told you... I NEVER FORGET... I may be away, or quiet, I may have disappeared.. I come and go and yes my friend I just proved to you... that I still ALWAYS STAY til my lifeless body departs, but even then I shall always remain.

Thanks to every single hand in every single community and town who helped organize the distribution of the goods. It was not enough, it was very small but for now... I hope it served souls some purpose. Not being overdramatic or anything.. but there is not a single day in this worldly place that I think about the children I saw, met, touched, kissed, carried, the familes I embraced, the people I saw through the collage of plywood and yero, The organizers and the brave heroes i walked, shouted and fought with... Not a single day mga kasama... buong puso ko kayong inaalala... iniisip. It is killing me to think that I am here and u are still there living the same life, dying, suffering more and more each day... NOT A SINGLE DAY I DON'T think of YOU YOU and YOU... all of you!

I am admitting for once I sit here helpless... after reading a letter from a friend, practically predicting a death and a-just in case I go tomorrow note, I felt numb, angry and for once unable to do anything because if something does happen... I am not physically there to resuscitate, revive or even just seal a traumatic injury... I am not there, MY PHYSICAL BODY is not there to be with you all... you know how horrible that feels?!? Not knowing what will happen next, I can't be prepared for them... All I know is that I understand completely... but I am human too... it hurts to know that at any point in time,  people I know, people I care about can instantly become another victim in the already long list of abduction and even murder... It hurts too much, that I can only stare, think of the next action, praying that I wish it was I instead of any of you, to pacify your fear, be with you with courage... I melt my heart with tears as i live my daily life here... right here my friend sa mata ng bagyo! Please always be safe.

As for me, I have my stories to tell, Should I be silent... yeah right?!?
Only in due time.

If you all don't know already... there is a war at hand if u know what I'm sayin. But one should not be proud after succeeding or shy away after a defeat because there is a bigger one brewing.. I say this publicly because you in the Philippines do not know these things... you are not properly informed at what goes on in your own backyard. You here in am, have families and friends that you all somehow in form or another care about. You in Italy, in the middle east, in england, in australia, in whatever part of the world u now reside, you have love ones you left behind in our country... WE ARE ALL AFFECTED and it's best you know this than just remain ignorant, naive and constantly manipulated by your media. YOU NEED to learn how to find out the truth for yourself... it is your decision, noone's forcing you... it's your choice, duh?!? finally a sense of freedom right?!?

Always take care everyone and God bless you all.

Thank you all

Lovelots,
kasama cling2x

a herald of christ and a vanguard of transformation
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WANNA know why I've been slackin' off since last week... check my schedule out

FROM SPRING BREAK

APRIL17-24

 roma, italy for sister's wedding (official tour guide with no pay) and maid of honor.

April 24 drove back to Stony

25-SBVAC cardiac arrest... resuscitated. group work begins plus rehearsals

26-need to get programs done + never ending but successful rehearsals

27-last minute practice and shit... 1 hour of sleep. Videos. flyers. paper for class...

28- class, paper, flyers, rehearsals, pusofest, afterparty passed out!

29- pinoystock speech at NJIT... guys it's in JERSEY and we just had PUSOFEST!!!!

30-International Beauty Show at Javits Center in NYC... remember we were just in Jersey last night!!! so now we gotta drive again.. oh and I took the train back!

May 1- class presentation.. epidemiology --- oh again, were'nt we just around here yesterday.. but this time we took the train half way! for what? May 1 immigration rally in NYC and it was all worth it!

2- SBVAC and do not underestimate those letters!

3- Campus life Awards + strawberry fest

4-PUSO end of year party at Ray's

5-FINALS FINALS FINALS papers papers papers graduation requirments bullcrap academic stuff!!! then d3 eboard meeting AND OF COURSE THE ANNIVERSARY<3

6- meet the family... of steven raga.

7- CCM BBQ and SBVAC from 900-2300 ,count the hours

8- SBVAC again after epi finals

9- endless papers and then finally FLUSHING Queens... 66... Jan and Nina know what we're talkin' about!

10-WENT home .. can you imagine.

11-SBVAC from 1345-2300 and crammed on Mar's final project... which by the way we got an A on... thank you thank you thank you very much lols.

12-two final exams and the PUSO BBQ!!!

13-rest rest rest rest rest rest rest rest rest rest rest rest rest rest rest... oh then we saw Mission Impossible 3 after wasting 5 dollars at coldstone's big ass cold ice cream!

14-Mother's day at City Island.. nice place but packed.. we ended up on a different restaurant because A. I'm hypoglycemic. B.the adults are getting cranky C. The children are learning how to bribe the hostess with a dollar.

15---- still resting and I refuse to do any work... although I know I have to hehehe MUAHS everyone... see you were all right, steve and I don't get any sleep...

~and you wonder why... well this is does not even amount to the normal schedule that I have... THis is just PART of IT... I love it though... I appreciate those days I have nothing to do... but it also drives me crazy coz I'm so used to doing so much... so next monday I leave.. wanna come guys? That's gonna be another roller coaster... that's why let me rest now please... just don't bother me!!! unless... it's a get together. I'll be down for that.

muahs!!!

LOVELOTS,

Cling

A herald of Christ and  a vanguard of Transformation.

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There are many things in life that we take for granted.. like walking, being able to write our own thoughts and even create art about it. One of the things we don't usually appreciate include our family, especially those who still have all their members around and are able to be together under one comfortable space and roof every so often.

Eight months have passed and going back to Italy was a voyage I felt was necessary. Despite the very annoying nagging of my parents as I forced them to walk and see the sights... Those were the days I know I can treasure forever in my heart. The wedding was very intimate and was full of love. Gosh, I'm so good at keeping those tearfs bottled up inside but it poured out when I was by myself on the way back. I just realized that my sister and I will have a different relationship, I have accepted that it is her new chapter and I am very hopeful that our bonds will only get stronger with her new family ahead of us.

The reason for why I came back did not click until I went back to where I did my research last summer... the Sentro Filipino at Santa Pudenciana. It was a humbling experience coming back and being able to be recognized and thanked by the people whose lives touched mine. From the oldest of the old to the youngest of the young, my overflowing sincerity and humbleness pour out to all of your lives. You all helped me in more ways than one and my gratitude is immeasurable. Your courage, your struggles and your tears, your bravery, faith, experiences and stories are my priceless treasures that fuel me to continue walking the path that i ahve already begun.

This year was full of ups and downs, It was full of happiness and sadness. I have been frustrated and ready to give up and fall; full of death, discouraging selfish people, continues hating and more... but there is enough fuel to keep me trading this hard... ver hard path. Because, altogether the faces around are my only hope... and I thank you all for that... from obviously my MOST beloved PUSO that I've considered as brothers and sisters... gosh like I'm your mother already! also, Philippine Forum and the people from NYCHRP and BAYAN, of course the newly found SanDiwa. There's also the people at Find who made a huge influence on my life. There's also SBVAC, members and patients, people whom I'm very humiliated to face for not having enough minutes in my very loaded and busy life. There's also ballroom people, no i have not forgotten you as I stand there jealous as I watch you guys grow in gracefulness. There's the people from my health science and shout outs obviously to my girls;, glo jen and cass and yes tom! The people in Italy and Philippines. my family and friends especially the 321 crew of boys and girls, yes I still treasure you all, I may seem distant but i never forget. My friends ates, and kuyas in the west coast and east coast... you all  are def a big part of my life. Steve, who has been patient and there with me through the tough times and also the very good ones this year. Thank you all for being a part of my life...

KNOW THAT I AM LIVING MY LIFE ONLY FOR YOU, and I am willing to give it all up for the sake of your future's future because they are inevitably mine too. Thank you all and please try from time to time to just look around and appreciate the beauty of life and everything that is in it. It is what you make out of it... it is the painting yu have painted and you have many more blank canvasses to paint so next time may it be murky or vibrant... the presence of colors is still an essence of beauty in your life.

Lovelots, CLING2x

Today, I was supposed to be rehearsing for a fashion show, but i found myself diverted into a room full of eight people. EIGHT, together in memory of a lost friend whom I have never even met before, never personally knew, but I feel so close to. Only this year, thirty four people have died ONLY INTO THE forth month of this year. They say my lolo killed a lot of people but look at the people who replaced him  now. Anyway, why is it that out of all the filipinos (I don't give a shit if u were born here yes you are filipino if you look it ignorant bastard), only a few knows about these human rights violations both in the Philippines and abroad? Or is that people are not educated enough? but some are.. and why is it that they still don't have anything to say about it? Frightened? Insensitive? or is it just outright IGNORANCE and PASSIVENESS again and again and again and AGAIN!!!

I was staring at the face of a twenty year old man.. and in my head streams hundreds of faces that I have seen dead before and with the music humming hopeful hymns, i could not help but mask my tears with an shrieking, clearing sigh. I close my eyes and I see the little naked child who does not know his name, playing in front of Santissima Trinidad in the year 1996, I wonder what he names himself now. I open my eyes and see the people around me, the kindest people in this world, blacklisted yet unafraid and angry but still unwilling to lift a gun. I hear the desperate, frustrated and courageous voices calling out for justice... why? Because of pure and sincere intentions para sa mga tao ng ating lupang sinilangan. I lean on the shoulder of the man I love and feel the tension  in his mind and heart, I share the streaming energy as I held his hand because we both know as we look anywhere and everywhere, we're both the only ones left behind. The things we have to give up, the trials and sufferings we always have to endure and have yet to pass are woven into an abyss waiting for us to fall in, overcome and conquer. I smell the scent of the lighted candle and it reminds me of all the candles lit all over the country and the world to remember those who have been slain, those who have been abused, those whose lives can never be repaired only because of the satanic seduction of money and power. This has been going on for more than four hundred years and it is about time we finally wake up and stop pretending that it is not AFFECTING you because my brothers and sisters I am sorry to tell you but the next one to go might be someone you know, it might even be someone you least expected. Like, my love or me. Will it take our lives to shake you guys up... oh god I hope not because it's too early, no not yet.

We Filipinos are gifted with many talents. We are beautiful, widely admired and also DISRESPECTED. It pains me...to know that when I go back to the Philippines, I wouldn't be able to look them in the eye and say that yes.. the Filipinos in America are there with you... Because I know a little over thirty people together with the west coast people,out of thousands of Filipinos here in this country... who TRULY gives a shit about what you're going through. Am I wrong to assume this? Correct me if I'm wrong but for the most part, people try to forget the situation in the Philippines and just live their new lives here in US. Most of them blame the Philippines and its people for their situation now. Most of them are ashamed of all the chaos, corruption, exploitation and everything Filipino in the Philippines. They do however venerate the people at TFC and stare at the television like drugged maniacs, making themselves believe that these actors and actresses are the true representation of our people and our culture. WAKE UP! You are kayumanggi! (tan if u don't know what that means)... not WHITE! You have button nose AKA pango! NOT LIKE the pointy, matangos noses of the mestizos.

Yes, I will be going back to the Philippines this summer for a few days.. which days I cannot disclose. Why? To prove that all that we've done this year is for a cause and to also see for myself what has gone wrong in the country I truly belong. Here's another thought; Why should I be afraid? Why is it so fucking dangerous to go back now? I was born and raised in that place, why is that the people who only seek for the truth and what is RIGHT are always being oppressed, punished, forgotten and neglected. Why do I have to be overprotected just so I can enjoy feeling the heat, walking the same path I used to cross before March 14 1997? Why can't I talk to my old friends without being paranoid that they might be out to get me at this present day and time? Why is the own fucking government and even the civilians attacking their own Filipino comrades? If you are asking the same questions that I am asking... you should pick up a book and relearn your history... i know why.. I'm wondering if u have the answerd to them... If u are curious, if you want to know more... If you already know why... email me at aberyl@gmail.com

this is one venting session for me and I know to some this doesn't make sense.. I'm just rambling some unorganized thoughts right here. I'm once again just being a vanguard of transformation... allow me to do what I am sent here to do... ask me and other people already with us and together we will be advocates of truth... reality and slap some sense into those who can handle the truth. Friends... no matter what, you will all equally remain in my heart and mind... forever my life is completely given unto all of you. Take care and God Bless. I am glad, I was one fo the very few who found a love who walks the same path I am in and seeks the same light, in same vision and intention... I am forever grateful.. and I want you to know that without us, I don't know about tomorrow.

With my whole heart... LOVELOTS, cling

a herald of Christ and a vanguard of transformation