Road trip, Kenny Chesney, Brad Paisley, Northern Cali, Southern Cali, Lake Tahoe, Nevada, Casinos, Skydiving, Mt. Biking, Hiking, Beaches, Parties, Movies, Being Home, Spending time with her, Family, Church, Working Hard, Working out, Swimming....I could go on and on.  For not having much free time, we sure can squeeze a lot into the weekends.  So far, summers been great.  Yet it still cant go by fast enough.  No one is loving life more than me right nowwwwwwwww.  Cant wait for the 4th of july.  Think your clever?  Think again.  You missed something.  Cant wait to get home again and see the woman and my boys

There used to be a daily schedule.  I had a routine.  I may not have been the most happy with it...but i enjoyed it.  As annoyed as i got, it still was normal to me.  Now normal is just a word, rather than an action.  Thats all this is.  Words.  Breeeeeaaaaatttttthhhhhhheeeeee.  Im on track.  3 months.  Than pinned.  Than the door will be opened completely.  As for now, ill keep my foot in it.  just breathe...do...and accomplish. 

If you want something in life, reach out and grab it.  The end will justify the pain it took to get you there.

So there is a point in life....when everything is so clear, but nothing makes sense.  You work so hard, but you still go home at night and sleep alone.  One mistake leads to another, soon, your tangled in a web.  A web of lies.  And it consumes you.  You try to make everyone happy and the truth is you cant.  No matter how hard you try.  I never knew a heart could be so swollen....hurt this bad....and not make any sense at all.  My mind looks down at my heart, and says,  i know exactly what your feeling.  But my heart looks up to my mind and says, what the hell are you thinking?  And try as you might to make sense of everything going on around you....its just blurry.  Its hard.  Kohl your cold.  You dont deserve much at all really.  You probably shouldnt ever date again.  You were on a desserted island for 35 days.  Your now in alaska.  Your going to be in the desert for a month.  And than your going to war.  No one can handle that.  And than there is that mind of yours.  Which always makes sense to you...usually...but no one else understands.  Its hard to please everyone.  Funny how much of your life you had planned out...how far in advance you had things set for.  Now...its you, and you alone.  And you are cold and lonely pursuing a dream that few even imagine of obtaining.  Your status will be high, there will be a lot of gratification and many hand shakes and toasts proposed to you.  You will be the life of the party.  Despite all these things....you will still go to bed at night feeling empty.  Screw your head on straight.  Get a grip.  And as someone once directed to you..."fucking grow a pair".  Time for you to grow up kohl.  Time for you to get things straight.  Do what you want, but remember what matters most.  That feeling of love will never go away, never die.  And now you must possess that feeling without her.  Grow up, and when ready, go get her.  But do this as fast as you want....she wont be there.  Probably ever again.  Game over...you lost.  And just like years ago, its your fault.  You lost the one thing that mattered most.  And now you will go through all over what you went through in 8th grade...9th grade...and most of 10th grade.  Except now its 100 times worse.  You had what a lot of people are searching for.  And now its gone. 

Sometimes, in this game we call life...you just gotta throw the game board, grab her by the arm, and runaway together.  Now im running away from it, but alone, and so lost on where to go.  The safety net is gone and you are dangling from the rope.  You have no lifeline anymore.  No one left to tell you everything will be ok.  You are in this still, but you are in it alone and you have only yourself to blame.  Fix yourself, and try again when your in it to win.