getting out of this hellhole of a city couldn't come soon enough!! I can't wait to leave. I'm so anxious about it, I can't even sleep. this is bad. i have class and work tomorrow before i can leave. and its a longgg drive up, but i can't sleep. I've tried a million times now. this is ridiculous fuck. my lung hurts so much from pulling a muscle coughing. now everytime i cough, i flinch inside, and it feels like someone is stabbing a knife into my lung. fuck. i can't wait till school is over. i'll be out of that house. out of this fucking school. this piece of shit.. my best friend is leaving... she'll be so far away... i don't know what to do about that. i don't know how to react. i didn't know how to react when she told me, i still don't. i was pissed off, upset, angry, depressed as fuck... but i'm happy for her. she's finally leaving this place. like she's always wanted. she's finally getting out of here and doing what she wants to do. i wish i could just pick up and leave like her. she has the strength to do whatever she wants if she works hard enough for it... she's like the wind. she comes into your life, and before you know she's gone, and you're left standing there; cold. that's how i feel right now. i'm cold. i'm not sure what to feel. i'm going to miss her so much. i already miss her when i don't talk to her or see her for a while. and the prospect? she MIGHT come back in october. god, that's a big might... it hung so loosely in the air when she said it... i had no words except, that's a long time away. she had no reply... then it was silence. this aweful void. this big, fat, slap you in the face, kind of silence. where you want to break done and cry, but think twice of it because you hate when everyone rushes around you asking you what's wrong. when you just want to tear their heads off and tell them to shut the fuck up and go back to their happy little lives. because you know they don't really care. they do it all for show. they do it for the gossip. they do it to get away from their lives. they have to make sure someone else is more miserable, so it gives them a break from worrying about other things. yup. i hate people. i always have. i always will. the ones who walk around with these plastic ass smiles on day in and day out like nothing bad ever happens. liek the entire fuckign world is rainbows and gumdrops. they're either too ignorant to see the real world, or they're so fucking lucky that no sin has every touched their skin. that no kind of wrong has ever slipped from their mouths. that no harm has ever cursed them... i'm not racist. i'm not prejudiced. i know this. i hate everyone. and i'm not being cute or funny when i say that just because everyone has to make those stupid shirts, or stickers or whatever the fuck that say that. i said that long ago. i say, no, i don't hate you. you're just part of this disgusting pathetic piece of shit human race that i love so fucking much. with all its ignorant people; its fake people; its "so pretty we don't have to be smart" bitches; its "we're tough and we'll do whatever we want to women" bastards; its "our skin is darker and you enslaved our ancestors so give us an adavantage over the people actually trying to fucking work their asses off to live" cunts. i hate all those people. i hope they all fucking choke at dinner and die. in front of their children. so someone can come in a say don't cry, they fucking deserved to take their last breath. fuck, i'm so angry. at this fucking world. at least i'll still be able to talk to tiffany... and i've got my Aaronpunkinpoo. i've always got my Aaronpoo. I love that boy beyond explanation. I can't wait to leave... i can't fucking wait.. | 
