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| okay, so one of my friends from school found this site. she's not happy, cuz she's tryin to help me get over my ana, and i don't like to make my friends not happy. i kinda been disappointin them lately, and i feel bad. so i'm gettin rid of this site, but i'll keep in touch w/ all u lovely ladies and gentlemen, i promise!
MUCH LUV!  | | |
| i told my mom i was ana and she didn't believe me. she said that i had just been eating too little for too long and that my stomach shrunk. she said if i eat a little bit for each meal and for snacks, then my stomach will get back to normal size and i can eat normally again. does nobody understand that i'm SCARED to eat??? i mean, she said i just have to stop thinking that i'm gonna get fat if i eat. WELL I CAN'T!! CUZ IT'S TRUE!! i dont think i wanna get out of ana anymore. i'm scared of it, but it's my escape from everything.
anyway, i'm back to my goal weights again! my first one was to be 110 by yesterday, which i missed by 2lbs. GRR! it's okay, tho. here's my ticker for GW1!
so close. so very close. *sigh* i'll definately hit 110 by the weekend as long as i stay good. i know i can do it beacause i went from 118 to 112 in 6 days already! that's 1lb a day! how great is that! WOO! then my friend's havin a birthday party on saturday night (a hayride/bonfire thing), and she said she's gonna make me eat marshmellows. not a problem! i'm happy. even after i binged and ate over 1500 calories yesterday then got sick.  lol. it's all gravy tho cuz i'm gonna do better today ... even if i do get a lil sick.
stay strong everybody! much luv and many hearts!! | | |
| I bet her I beat her I beat her! I had 270 cals today!! I felt like hell in the middle of the day tho. I'm not even gonna TELL you all the symptoms I had, but I BEAT HER!! I'm gonna eat more tomorrow tho, cuz 270's kinda extreme, and after all, I'm tryin to STOP bein ana. Ah well. Tomorrow is a new day!! I'll eat at least 600. If I eat too much, I'll get sick and fat, and we don't want that. So my goal for tomorrow is 600!  | | |
| Ok, I ate 775 cals today, and that's a lot for what I normally eat, and I thought I was doin real good! Then my friend (who's supposed to be helpin me get through this) tells me that she only had 300 cals today. So I'm thinkin, 'Awwww shit. Now I gotta eat less than 300 cals and beat her.' So I still wanna get out of ana and get better, but she can't be doin better than me! So I dunno wat I'm gonna do. I talked to few of my friends about it, and they're reeeeeeeally helpin me, so I think I might NOT try to go under 300 tomorrow, but ya never know. I guess I just gotta wait and see what happens.
Much luv. | | |
| Okay guys, so I was happy that I gained 10lbs cuz it was muscle and it made me look skinner, and when I look in the mirror I look extra small! Not small enough yet, tho, so I gotta keep working. And part of the reason why I was so happy that I gained all the muscle is cuz I just recently admitted that I'm ana, and I'm tryin to get out of it, so gainin muscle weight makes OTHER PEOPLE happy (cuz I weigh more), and makes ME happy (cuz I look better). So I gotta keep workin so I can get down to where I wanna be!
So I'm gonna try not to eat any more today, but my best friend is over (Marikshikari265 ... she's in the bathroom, lol) and she knows I'm ana and wants me to eat. Then we're goin to my church youth group and my other best friend is there and SHE'S gonna want me to eat. Gotta resist tho! Had a mini binge on cashews and Chex Mix, so I'm up to like 700-somethin calories so far.
Anyway, Kendra's comin back from the bathroom, so I gotta run. Much luv everybody! | | |
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