It is 3:57am.  I've been up for awhile now.  I ate some breakfast and even played a quick game of Farkel with Jim.  He went back to bed and I'm sure is already asleep.  I decided I wanted to eat some Pringles (original flavor).  I had forgotten how much I like them, since I rarely eat potato chips and such.  Oh, my!  They are so delicious!  I ate 1/3 of the can, and then I forced myself to put the lid back on the top.  They are, however, on the table next to me.  I want to open up that can of crisp potatoey goodness and munch away.  It's now 4:04.  I've been Pringle-free for 7 minutes now.  Somehow that doesn't seem like enough time to kick the habit.

Update: 4:44am- the Pringles have been gone for a few minutes now.  Yes, I ate them all in one sitting.  I have never done that before!  I ate two crisps last night, and the rest this morning.  Holy crap.

At Easter my church had a prayer vigil.  I got hit with a migraine the day I had signed up for, so someone went in my place.  I did, however, spend "my hour" praying at home.  I was having trouble concentrating on just praying silently or out loud, so I decided to write it down.  Yes, it's kind of long.  Here was the result:

Today my church is holding a prayer vigil.  Well, it lasts for 33 hours, actually, so this is the middle of it.  I am trying to pray and read Your word, but I keep getting distracted.  So here I am, back to my old method of writing/typing.  I am thinking about what I read in the books of Romans, and it baffles me, even though I already knew the information.  It is just difficult to actually feel it.  When I think that all my sins are forgiven because thousands of years ago a righteous man died on the cross, and then came to life again three days later, I can barely fathom such a thing.  To know that accepting Christ means that my sins are not the actual me, but a sinful nature within me, is a lot of information to take in.  I often wonder if my sins are too large or too many to be forgiven, but according to Your word they are not.  I pray that I can accept this peace into my heart, to know and feel that I am forgiven.  It has been especially difficult lately while working through a deep depression.  I ask for forgiveness, Lord, for not seeking you during that time.  I felt like I did not deserve to do so.  I know in my heart that’s not true, but there again is the battle between the heart and the mind.  It’s a difficult struggle for me, as I’m sure it is for many people.  I pray for those people as well, that they know You are there with Your arms open wide, asking us to come to You with our troubles.  It is an overwhelming type of love, all-consuming and yet not more than we need.  We need it all.  Every bit of forgiveness you offer is what I would like to accept.  From my past until now, I wish for You to heal me Lord, to cast out every bit of darkness and fill it with life, to remind me every second that this life I lead is for You, to show Your grace and mercy to others on this earth.  I want to love You by loving others, as this is your command.  Through serving others I can feel Your love within me.  It is the best feeling to know You are right here and I’m never alone.  So often I feel lonely and forget to seek You; this is one of my greatest faults.  This is something I would like to change about my sinful nature, and the evil work that Satan attempts to do within me.  I do not want to be his slave.  I want to be set free again through Your grace, the same way You saved me that day when I as 16.  I felt the most amazing and complete peace in my heart.  It was unlike anything I had ever felt before.  I poured my heart out, tears flowing down my face, my knees aching from bowing down for so long.  And then Your love descended upon me, and I knew my life had been changed forever.  Over the years, I know I have been all over the place as far as sins and faith go, and I have not been a faithful servant for much of that time.  Now I want to rededicate myself to You, right now through this letter.  At the end of a church service when the pastor gives the benediction, he often says, “Go in peace.  May one day the Lord say to you “Well done, my good and faithful servant.  Enter now into the kingdom of heaven.”  I want to feel like he is speaking directly to everyone in that room, including me.  I want to be a good and faithful servant to you.  Please direct me on how to do this, Lord, because right now I just don’t know.  I feel lost and frustrated a lot of the time, because I can’t control the future, and I think by worrying about it, I can control it.  I know I can’t.  I know it is all Your work in Your time, and I just have to prayerfully follow You.  I must rededicate my life to You.  Here I am Lord, here I am.  I’m Yours again, wholeheartedly.  Please help me to remember that, to seek You, to walk hand-in-hand with You.  When I stray, please pull me gently back to Your side.

 This has been an interesting day, I suppose.  Jim went to a cook-out at our friends' house, and I was supposed to go, too.  Unfortunately I got a horrible stomach ache and ended up in bed after taking a Vicodin.  Yes, the doctor gave me that for the pain.  Trust me, I need it!  I get terrible pains that make me double over.  Fortunately I feel much better now.  I just missed out on going out.  I think they'll have another one in July anyway, so that's so that is something to look forward to, I guess.  It will be our one friend's birthday, and she ALWAYS has a party.  I thought of having a party this year, just a group of people to hang out, eat our food, and maybe play games or something.  I'm not a "party person" as it is traditionally interpretted, but I like get-togethers sometimes.  I try to be socialable or something to that effect.  Woo hoo!  Um, yeah. 

So, my new job went really well this week.  I'm totally digging it, and I hope I get to stay there, either in my current position or another one.  Our church is growing and they're adding staff, so we shall see!  I'm sure the Lord has something fantastic in store for me, because that's just the awesome God He is. 

Holy crap!  It's a thunderstorm!  Aren't I supposed to unplug all our appliances or something, or do I just shrug and say, "That's why we have insurance!"  Ha, ha!  I don't know.  I've known first hand of someone whose tv's and such all got fried during a bad storm.  He was actually happy, though, because the insurance company pays for the replacement cost.  You know what that means!  Hooray to new TV's!  And hooray for the sales that allow you to actually upgrade, rather than just replace.  How sweet. 

My father- and stepmother-in-law went to Florida last week.  Here's a crappy photo he took with his phone while the alligators weren't nipping at his heels:

I'm going to go write some more stuff somewhere.  Tootles!