I’m hoping that through the process of preparing for Missions and actually going on the trip, I will deepen my love and understanding of Christ…I want to learn how to pray. Really pray. Pray when I’m satisfied, depressed, angry, overjoyed, confused or just average. Lord teach me how to pray..

                                                April 3, 2004 Missions Journal Entry

                 God is amazing. I must admit, before the trip I had a lot of skepticism and doubt in my mind. My main fault was that I didn’t trust God. I didn’t have faith that he would provide. I was worried about the location. I was worried about team unity. I was worried that the people would have hard hearts and react coldly to us. Basically, every little aspect of the trip had once been on my worry list. And the worst thing is, I never prayed about it. That’s probably why I arrived in Philly with a bad attitude and experienced severe culture shock. My first day in Philly was miserable. I complained about the uncomfortable mattresses, the heat, the tiny cold showers, the dress code, and basically everything else that didn’t please me. I was shocked to see broken glass covering the ground, children yelling profane language, homeless people scattering the ground, and rundown housing. When a group of us went to tell the neighborhood about VBS, I refused to talk to anyone. I stayed in the back of the group and just drank in my surroundings with a crushed spirit. A week would never go by. I must have been stupid to sign up for this trip, it definitely wasn’t meant for me. After the initial shock, I started to get used to Philly and the people around me. The AIM staff was amazing at being welcoming and open to us, which definitely helped me to feel more comfortable. During praise that night I prayed that God would just take my negative attitude away and use me to fulfill his works. I prayed that he would let me be the hands and feet of Jesus, and to really proclaim his word without fear or shame.

                On Tuesday night, everyone at AIM, including the staff and three youth group teams, went to a small yard in a rough area of Philly and housed a coffeehouse. The term “coffeehouse” brings to mind quaint tables, romantic lighting, fresh brewed coffee and maybe even some pastries. That was definitely not what we had. The coffeehouse took place between two buildings and the area was filled with rocks and old picnic tables. We served lemonade, water and ice cream bars, and the guests mostly consisted of people on the streets. While the youth group teams performed body worships, testimonies, songs and other forms of entertainment, we were supposed to wander around and start conversations with the various people. For some reason I was drawn to a lady sitting by herself at a table. She was looking longingly at a group of youth group girls who were talking and laughing in a corner. “They look so happy. I wish I was happy. I’m so lonely right now..” she said to start off our conversation. Seeing the pain and depression on her face, for the first time in my life I had the urge to pray for someone. After hearing her story about her addiction to drugs and that all her loved ones had deserted her, I asked her if she would be willing to let me pray for her. Surprisingly, she seemed very open to the idea and allowed me to hold her hands while praying. I just prayed that God would watch over her at all times and surround her with love, joy and protection. Before this, Patricia, the lady, had commented on my dangly silver earrings, a present from my mother after my completion of junior year. “They’re so pretty..” she remarked, touching them gently, “I wish I had earrings like those..” Unwilling to give away my favorite pair of earrings, I had quickly changed the subject and hoped that she would forget about them. However, after praying for her, something moved inside of me and we made a deal. If she promised to pray every night, then I would give her my precious earrings. Her entire face brightened and she nodded delightedly in agreement to my proposal and we made the swap. As I gave her a goodbye hug, tears started filling my eyes. Tears of thankfulness for being able to connect with her, tears of sadness for the pain she had left to endure, and tears of amazement at how God works in such breathtaking ways. “Are you crying for me? I’ve lived for 36 years and no one’s ever cried for me..” Patricia exclaimed as she too started crying. We hugged for about five minutes and reluctantly parted. I will never forget her last words. “God spoke through you today honey. God bless you.”

                Now, reflecting back on the trip, I’ve come to two major realizations. The first is that God works in intricate ways. One morning, the Missions team had a meeting where Taejin told us that if anyone had ever asked us how to pray, we should be prepared to respond. That same evening, Patricia asked me that very question, and since I had thought about it previously, the answer was on the tip of my tongue. The greatest lesson I learned on this trip was to never underestimate the power of prayer. God is good. He is faithful and he will never forsake you. Pray for everything- good grades, a healthy loved one, a quick left turn onto a busy road, a homeless person on the street, a group of children playing baseball, anything! I find myself now constantly either talking to God or singing praise songs under my breath. I meet with friends and pray with them, something I had never even considered doing before. I know that I am never alone, since God will never turn his back on me, and that is an amazing feeling!

This world is empty pale and poor, compared to knowing you my Lord..

Lead me on, and I will run after you..