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| Living with lossAs many of you may know. A boy i really liked, and was supposed to have a date with on Christmas eve committed suicide the day of Christmas eve, and I'm just trying to find some sense to it. I know there isn't though. I kinda feel like I had something to do with it, everybody says thats crazy, but i still feel it.
The crazy thing was that I wanted him to be the one, and for many nights I had fallen asleep with blissful dreams of the future. My days seemed brighter cause he was a part of them. Now that light is gone. I'm reminded of a lyric from wicked, "Don't dream too far, don't loose sight of who you are....... but that doesn't soften the ache we feel when reality sets back in. ...Don't wish, don't start, wishing only ruins the heart." Yeah thats kinda what I feel like, and life moves on.
The world celebrates a new year tonight, i'm trying to make sense of the year gone by, and find hope in the next. But one thing is true, there is one less ray of sunshine in my world.
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| Fast forwardSo yeah here is the last ohh 3 months of my life in a quick flash.
Moved to wichita, which everybody knows. Found a job, quit the job, found a new job still at that job. My job is ok, but it seems like I'm always getting in trouble for shit that ain't my fault. I my schedule gets screwed around because I don't have any kids, therefore I must not have a life. Well now because of that i have no social life at least.
No boyfriend. Got some options, but nothing big. Can't ever go on dates due to the aforementioned situation.
But now for the good stuff. I've realized I have been way to negative in my life.
I got a great house. The monte is still running. I kissed a boy named Monty in the Monte! (He, He, He)
The money from my job is good money.
Christmas is very close.
I'm taking the time to get to know a lot of the old friends I kinda let fall by the wayside. So who knows you may be getting a call out of the blue from me.
Best wishes to all!
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| A new startFor those of you that may not know, I'm officially back in Wichita, and settled into my new house. I love it here and am having a great time, with a few small exceptions. I without even sleeping with someone have now got the reputation as being a whore in this town. Interesting considering I HAVEN'T SLEPT WITH ANYBODY! Someone will pay for this rumor, maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but when they least expect it. WHAM! A box of kleanax will hit them in the head. (want to make sure they have something to wipe up their tears with) Got a job working at Royal Carribean cruise lines, waiting to hear back on a few other things. Who knows maybe they will come through. My aunt is in the hospital getting an emergency colostomy (where they put the bag in to act as your new colon). So its not a happy time around here. I'm trying my best to keep helping people and cheering them up, but its not going well, and my aunt isn't doing too well either. I'm hoping for the best, but we shall see what happens. I hope everything turns out in the end. | | |
| Choices ChoicesOk folks I've landed myself in a bit of a quandry and don't know what to do. So kinda got this boy who i'm really interested in and have had many successful dates, with no sex! A big plus, cause after that they usually run for the hills, but thats not the point. Suddenly another and possibly more compatible person has marched into my life. So do you take the chance on the possiblity, and break the heart of the other, knowing if the possibility doesn't work out you've lost the other one. Or do you stay with the sure thing? Why does life have to be so difficult!? On another note, I signed a new lease for a place here in wichita, the house totally rocks! Now if I could only find a job to go with it. ARGH! Anyway, started moving in last night, going to move in stages during the day, but am kinda trying to keep one foot at home. Things get rough, but I guess you just got to roll with it. I realize how much I miss my friends in Manhattan, but also how few people I know here. I kinda feel lost. All I got right now is my room mates. I just want to make sure I don't bug the crap out of them. So what to do? What to do? | | |
| Adventrues In LifeSo last weekend I went and hung out up in Manhattan. I rocked. Spent time with Casey, Jason, Miguel, and Tyler. Lets just say it was an awesome time.
Saturday night, I worked at the X. Made some nice money, and had some good laughs when certain drag queens went to the clink, while others scarfed McDonalds. During the entire night I was flirting with Chris across the top of my bar, while I was working my butt off.
To finish my weekend off right I went on a date with Chris. Started off with dinner at the Thai Palace. Found out all sorts of interesting things baout him. Then we decided to go for coffee, but the stupid coffee shops closed at 6. So we were SOL. So we went next door to the Coldstone for coffee flavored ice cream. I had a strawberry cheesecake milk shake. Then for the coup de gras I took him out to my favorite thinking spot a little dock on a pond, and we sat and talked, and stargazed. It was the first time in a long time nothing sexual ever happened on a first date, and I think it was better because of that. I really feel a great connection, I mean I did spend 6 hours with him. Finally got home at like 11pm. I'm really looking forward to seeing him again next weekend.
So the next morning got up at 5:30am to drive home to Wichita. Miguel passed out in my passenger seat. But as I drove along I saw some of the most beautiful scenery every. There is something about driving through fog, watching the dawn rise, seeing the fog dissapear but be overshadowed by poofy rain clouds. Near Newton it started raining, and by the time we got to Wichita it was a torrential downpour. So got Miguel to the hospital, made my way to Dad's office where I talked to him for a bit before heading on home. Home was home, and damn depressing. I'm really wanting to find a job and get out of here.
Found the perfect place to live, its in the Garvey building downtown, and for $600 I get a 600 sq ft apartment with a view, all utilities paid, covered parking garage, free gym, and all sorts of other cool perks. Only problem new units don't open till December. BOO! So Tyler is moving here to town, and I might move in with him. Which means getting a job is paramount. WISH ME LUCK! | | |
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