Things were apparently going well with Will, but my "no one likes me" complex kicked in again and fucked it up. (Bangs head against door, then bangs head against bedpost, then screams and feels worthless). Thing I facebooked to him: Hey Will, Sorry about how I acted, it was a classical obsessive compulsive moment of mine. It's just that I've never been in a long relationship (I consider two weeks really long), so I freaked out when I found someone that I really liked. 1 day without talking seemed like a sign that you weren't interested because that's just how it always was for me in New York. Gay men scare me lol, I don't know how they think (funny, considering I AM ONE!). Relationships in general is still a new thing for me. I guess just a few things to get straight (haha no pun), this is more to clear my mind than anything else. I didn't want you to think that I was obsessing over you, because I wasn't, I was obsessing over the possibility of a long term relationship. It appears that being obsessive is my bodily response to things that I fear. I made up so many stories about things you did and didn't do, as I am known to do. I spoke for you, instead of asking you outright was was going on. Leave it to me to work up a drama in record time of knowing someone lol. My flaws are apparant, but they never control my interactions with people except on rare occasions where i begin to like someone. I really suck at this trying to explain myself thing, so bear with me here. I ramble on when I could probably sum up what I want to say in a sentence. You can probably tell from the discussion we went to tonight that I have insecurities about myself. These little insecurities sometimes lead to me to expect the worst from someone's intentions. i expected the worst from you, I never really had anyone be interested in me, I've always gone out of my way to date someone (well at least that is what it's felt like). I think I'm beginning to formulate what it is that I really want to say. I wish I knew how to act properly in showing someone that I like them. I kinda wish I also had some experience in that field, but I don't. I'm one big klutz. If dating was dancing, I have two big left feet. There's another little story in my head now (maybe it might not be a story), that is telling me that I missed my chance with you and friendship is the only option. I'm not going to lie, I would love to get to know you as someone more than a friend, but the point of this writing to you is for me to clear my emotions and my head. Maybe we could do the little small tiny innie winnie little detail of going out on a formal date, no strings attached. If not, well than that's that, I can get sad for a few days, and then get over it. That's life. So I'm trying to think of anything else that I had to say. That's it. The only other thing I can say is that I'm at least happy that I had the courage to facebook you, that in itself was a huge step for me lol. - Kevin | 
