|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| Holy fuckin shit...
Once again it is 4 am...and Kuntman has that hankerin for some cankerin at the moment. Some of you waited nearly a year for this, only to realize that by the end of reading this, you should have wrapped the umbillical cord around your neck prior to being born and requested that your mother give birth to you standing. Baby lynch! Hmm...sounds like a good new toy. I shall give Mattell a shout.
But yeah...that time of year again. Cant use the same joke again; this time J Lo waited an extra year before getting married, but I'll bet in pennies the amount equalling the total number of teeth in peoples mouths in the states of Kentucky and Texas combined; 13 and 1/2, that this dude waited the extra year on purpose and J Lo had nothing to do with it. Speaking of J Lo, I believe she has what I call the "down the ladder" syndrome...a typical female disease. Who the hell in their right mind would go from Puff Daddy, who was the former manager of The Notorious B.I.G., to some curly haired wetback? He calls himself "Marc Anthony." Pssh...Marco Antonio...freakin beaner...but I suppose J Lo is a beaner herself as well...ass that big...no tits...swears shes a hood rat even though she uses face cream created by N.A.S.A.
Another prime example of "down the ladder" syndrome; Britney Spears. Justin Timberlake, who's name was actually recognized, to one of her freaking dancers, to some kinda Kid Rock wannabe wannabe...yeah I donno his name either...all I know is he knocked her up and then left or some shit. The funny thing about this "down the ladder" syndrome is that once one has gone far enough down the ladder, the upper rungs become inaccessable. You think Justin would want Britney Spears now that shes some trailer trash skank wannabe? That had a streak of losers for boyfriends? Doubt it.
This reasearch has provided the following conclusions:
1: Women that are given too much turn absolutely stupid
2: Women dont understand the concept of recieving a 50 dollar bill is better than getting punched in the face by Donkey Kong.
3: Women should be kept in two rooms and nothing more; the kitchen and the bedroom.
These three conclusions are absolute truth. Do not try to argue them. You will be wrong and waste your time.
Oh man...where are my manners? I didnt tell you guys what I did today yet. Thats specifically why you guys took the time to read this. Okay, well today I woke up and brushed my teeth with COLGATE toothpaste. oooo colgate. Afterwards, I stepped into the shower when I looked down and realized that I had grown a second penis, just three inches above my original one. At this point, I realized I had to put this to good use, because I could now get a cowgirl and a reverse cowgirl at the same time. Finally, a threesome I dont have to stay awake for. I know what you guys were thinking...you were thinking double penetration! You sick fucks! Anyway...later that day I went to the mall, where I saw an extremely hideous lady. I'm talking more ugly than tub girl ugly. www.tubgirl.com if anyone is unsure. And she had a mullet. Apparently she thought looking like Joe Dirt was fashionable. Upon closer inspection after I put on a gas mask, I saw that it was none other than your mother. It seemed my mountain dew theory from two years ago was correct. I had two cans a day, and by the end of the year, my cum was just water. At that point I unlocked the collar around your moms neck that attached to the underside of my desk and released her back into the wild where she came from. For the next year, she became depressed that she had to return to your biological father, and began to dip her face in battery acid and hot tar whenever she got the chance. And there she is, your mom.
Ahh...this is fun...I could soo keep going for a good bit. The force is still strong in this one. (Extremely long farting sound)
Ahh...time to commemorate a new beginning. My life will change forever when tomorrow comes. I spent the good part of the afternoon unpacking my things and setting up my new dorm room. I'm waiting for tomorrow; classes are starting...I wonder what that will be like. Right now I'm just laying in my bed with two of those retarded 7th year seniors who havent graduated because they cant seem to pass their first two classes of each day because they mix it up with bong time. Course they only take two classes a semester, why overload yourself? I met these two about fifteen minutes ago behind the twenty dollar bills they held in their hands to me. Hey, I could use the money to buy another pink lamp with a fuzzy lampshade from that one fancy furniture store. Anyway...I'm allowing them to double penetrate me at the moment, both in the ass of course. For some odd reason, I'm noticing some vaginal discharge coming out of me...but the weird part is, the discharge is crawling onto the floor and proclaiming "JIHAD!" in a squeaky voice. Oh well...itll probably go away by tomorrow, then I can go back to two hole DP with these losers. People always said it could be a very serious vanerial disease, but theyre just putting too much thought into it. I mean, as long as you think positively about it, it'll be fine and wont be there. Wow...I can be so naive sometimes, but I'll grow and learn. College is a time to understand the world. Translate: I'm a fuckin dumbass who makes excuses for stupid mistakes.
No, I'm not gay. I just look down on the majority of females due to a lack of adequate mental processing, though the nice boobs and ass are nice to look at. Yeah, fuck you too, your dumbass antics made me think this way. Fuckin otherwise useless peice of eye candy.And thats only speaking for you dumb ones that are hot. For those of you who are dumb and ugly, why didnt you kill yourself? What the hell? Who's life are you trying to ruin? Yours is already ruined, stop making everyone else's worse. Course not all females are stupid...the select few, say about the elite 1% of them are not. You're probably not in that 1% though, so dont get your hopes up ya dumb bitch. Make me a sandwich.
This is pretty sad. I saw a few xangas in which people took pics of their car and tried to show it off. So I'll join in. Look at my pimp-mo-bille everybody!
Its some hot shit isnt it? Ladies, if you want a ride, let me know! We'll make rusty love in the back seat on top of the nails and broken glass.
So last night I was hookin up wit a girl, and I go down on her. I start licking, and I notice a few potato chunks and orange film on her pussy. I look up and ask her, "Are you sick?" She replied, "No, but the guy before you was."
Ha ha ha...get it, the guy before me threw up in her cooch!
Women are so indecisive, they have around 3 or 4 different kinds of orgasms, and still dont even get one during sex sometimes. I mean damn. Pick an orgasm and strive for it! Acting like its the guys fault for lack of performance. Nope. Its because they cant deicde which orgasm to get. I dont even know why they have more than one in the first place. That just shows indecisiveness on its own.
Last Friday, there was this great party at this guys house. Me and my other fellow female friends went to this party. Trying to be cool, I drank too much alcohol and puked all over myself, then proceeded to smoke marijuana, making myself puke more. I was then punched in the face by a frat guy named One Eyed Joe who lost his left eye and part of his penis in an accident during pledging involving tieing bottle rockets to his penis and setting them off. He carried me upstairs and fucked my passed out vomit covered self for about 37 seconds. Would have been 25 but he was drunk too. When I woke up, he told me that I now share his HIV virus. I feel like we have such a bond! Ahh good times at the party. Arent I so cool?
And finally, the overused crap you see on xanga too often.
I'm depressed. I need to be more happy with myself, but I cant be. I need new friends. Everyone is fake. Except me. I hate life. Sometimes I wish I would die. I tried cutting myself once. Why does my life suck so much? Why cant I shut the hell up and stop being such a freaking EMO!
Sorry, no clever spin on it, just raw.
Anyway...thats a good read for ya guys, I'll wrap it up here.
Till next time. Though the next time will be a different audience. You all will either kill yourselves or suffer a worse fate by my hand. Yeah...I'm gonna kill ya in the most annoying way possible. Gradually clipping off bits of skin with a nail clipper from your entire body until you die of blood loss. And by the way, upon reading this message, you have just kissed my brown ass.
| | |
| Its that time of the year again...no...J Lo isnt getting married again,
thats in another two months...Kuntal's writing in his xanga! Yeah...as
if I didnt say enough last time...now theres more to say. Fortunately
for all of you, the Kuntman's in super hater mode right now, and xanga
is the target. But yeah, same scenario, its early morning, and I'm wide
awake and very bored.
Lets see...what have I been seeing in xangas lately. Still the usual
daily routines, so lets start with that. Today, I woke up and brushed
with COLGATE toothpaste. oooo colgate. At this moment, something hit
me. You are ugly. You are extremely ugly. Not only do you look like
your face was edited on photoshop by a three year old and someone taped
a stick of dynamite to your face and lit the fuse last week, youre also
ugly on the inside, where it counts. You are a pathetic human being
thats actually better off dead. I think you may want to consider
committing suicide.
Oh...this one is dedicated to you brown girls. http://wmhsdesiclub.tripod.com/unibrow.htm
The origin of the unibrow...and coming soon, the origin of the lower
back hair. (That one will also be dedicated to you brown girls)
Also coming soon, for all you Jews, the yamacha story (Also involving birds)
Anyway, heres one I didnt catch before. Xanga entries used to point out
fun times, occasions, festivals, and other events. This usually will go
under the I dont give a fuck column, but lets do one anyway.
Ahem....OMG LAST NIGHT WAS SO FUN!!!! So I was at a barn in Frederick
hanging out with my cows. (No, not my overweight female friends, real
cows...the ones from Frederick). Anyway, we were playing strip poker,
and I won...because of my master poker face. Those cows took their
bells off in no time. Heh heh heh....So I met this one cow, her name
was Bhessie...called her Bhess for short. At this point, I realized
that algae sucker fish might be capable of giving very good oral sex.
TO THE PET SHOP! Sorry Bhess...maybe next time.
So yeah...turns out that wasnt too great an idea...turns out algae fish
have razor sharp fins...TO THE HOSPITAL FOR PENILE REATTACHMENT!!!!!!
It still works ladies! I swear!!!
Hmm....next topic...ahh....I've seen this one pop up alot. Bitter
xangas. Xangas in which frustrated, angry people let out their
emotions. Sooo...ITS MY TURN!!!
Ahh....I'm so angry! I cant believe what happened to me. God...guys
suck so much. I hate the world. People suck, why cant they just stop
being assholes? Its like...the entire world is against me. God I am so
bitter. Why are all the extremely good looking very charming guys who
have no intention of settling down and can get any girl they want
always go for better looking girls than me? God...cant they see that I
had my eye on them first? Its not fair! And they lead me on so
much...one time, this one guy opened the door for me...and he said no
when I asked him out later in that twenty second interval of time. What
the hell?! What an asshole. Ugggh. I dont know how much longer I can
put the blame of my crappy life on everything else before I have to
realize that its really me making my own life suck. Geez. Why am I such
a complete loser?
(Might I remind you that you are better off dead at this point. As my
brother suggests, inject your brain with windex...usually works wonders)
Sound familiar? Yes, yes it does sound familiar. Ask any girl whos been
single longer than 3 months. Well, just look at their xanga.
Lastly but certainly not leastly, SURVEYS! WOOHOO! Feel free to use my survey in your xangas.
[Y] Is your name Kuntal Patel?
[Y] Have you ever had sex with an ostrich?
[N] Do you have two sets of genitals, male and female?
[Y] Have you ever been to Ghana and made fun of the locals by taunting them with a toilet seat?
[Y] Is every third pubic hair you grow either blue, yellow, or purple?
[N] Have you ever had a fantasy about getting raped by the Incredible Hulk and the Jolly Green Giant?
[N] Are you alive? (If you check this box, kill yourself)
[N] Do you anally pleasure yourself with an electric egg beater dipped in ghee?
[Y] Have you ever witnessed someone purchase nothing but one banana and one jar of vaseline at a store?
[N] Have you ever shot yourself in the eye with cum while masturbating?
[Y] Have you ever shot someone else in the eye with cum while masturbating?
[Y] Have you ever been pregnant with a baby of an alien from outer space?
[Y] Do you count things out loud, followed by going. "AHH! AHH! AHHH! AHHHH!"
[N] Have you ever contemplated storing something in either your anal or vaginal oriface?
[N] Did you get hit in the face by a bird?
That does it kiddos...and as a final note, since youre still alive to read this, KILL YOURSELF
This concludes Kuntman's Xanga Entry for 2005
Upon reading this message, you have just kissed my brown ass.
| | |
| Xanga
Arrite...its 4 am and im wide awake with nothing to do at all. So i thought i would be like all those cool xanga people and write about all the cool things i do every day like all the other cool xanga people. wow i have so much fun reading peoples day to day activities...its so interesting about how they brush their teeth, and i get so excited about when i hear about how much homework someone has.
again, 4 am and NOTHING to do coz im wide awake and have skool in a few hours. So this is what it feels like to be one of the cool xanga people. Im guessing that either these people also have nothing to do every day, which is why they write on here, or they actually think people want to know about their daily activities.
Okay guys, heres what i did today, im sure youre all dieing to know. I woke up, brushed my teeth with COLGATE toothpaste. oooo colgate. As i was brushing, i was getting domed by your mom. later on, i recieved a pop up ad that claimed that a pill would make me grow 1 to 3 inches in the lower reigons. i seem to be getting that pop up an awful lot...maybe theyre trying to tell me something? I dont know how the computer would know my size...maybe its actually watching me when im watching porn??? hmmmmmm. Anyway, so i was drinking a can of mountain dew today, and i was thinking...is it true that it lowers your sperm count? maybe i should have a few more cans and see if your mom still needs to chew before she swallows.
Ive seen xanga used in many ways, including a sad attempt to pick up chicks. So why dont i give it a try too? Heyyy ladies...this is me. I am 4 foot 11 and weigh 230 pounds. All that weight is coz i go to the gym all the time...i mean if i didnt go to the gym i would weigh 300 pounds...damn twinkeys. Anyway, my peice is about an inch and a half because it got stepped on by a mule one day because i was masturbating in a barn to a donkey and a horse having sex, and my front two teeth are missing coz i fell asleep and collapsed on a steel folding chair because i have a sleeping disorder. i like women with big feet, i have a serious foot fetish; i like to bite off the pinky toe of a lady and add it to my necklace. yea, send me a holla if u want a peice of this hairy sexy ass.
Upon pondering...today i have discovered the purpose of life. The purpose is to write about it on xanga so everyone knows what you do every day. actually...scratch that...thats actually a description of a wasted life. I written for 10 mins in this xanga thing and i feel like i wasted each and every second of it. How people can stay loyal to this and post an entry at least twice a week...i dont know. Anyway...as you can tell by now, people that use xanga are gay. I thank you for reading this and wasting your time. Little did you know, upon reading this message, you have just kissed my brown ass.
-Kunt  | | |
|
