On the lighter side of the martial arts scene.... ... somehow, I think this is what it would be like for me if I ever made the mistake of thinking that I could do this stuff for a career.
For those that know, I'm a huge fan of martial arts; especially, Mixed Martial Arts. This last week, (not that that many of you may care about this guy) I got a chance to shake hands and meet one of the heroes of MMA (mixed martial arts).
The living legend, Randy Coture! To put it in perspective, it would be like meeting Brett Favre, or, A-Rod, or, dare I say, Kobe.
He was at 24hr fitness promoting his new t-shirt line. The benefits of going to the gym....
Found these while I was looking for lesson plan ideas...I thought they were funny.. then again, a lot of these either make me smile with the thought of (that's so true), or directly apply to me; they're in bold.
(btw - for those who have had the Chaucer class with me in at UCLA, or those who've had the same Professor, - I'm very sad that I forgot his name - he once challenged us to find another piece of literature that included flatulence (farting), citing The Canterbury Tales as the only one to actually have a character fart. I have finally found it and keep forgetting to post (like anyone but my English major friends care). In All Quiet on the Western Front a character farts and even sings a little song about it.)
Anyhow.. back to the regularly scheduled program:
Are you a Real Teacher?
If you agree with at least ten of the following, you are a real teacher.
You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.
You find humor in other people's stupidity.
You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work 8 to 3 and have summers free."
You believe chocolate is a food group.
You can tell it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
You believe "shallow gene pool" should have its own box on the report card.
You believe that unspeakable evil will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, the kids are sure mellow today."
When out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at a child.
You have no time for a life from August through June.
Putting all "A's" on a report card would make your life SO much easier.
When you mention vegetables, you are not talking about food.
You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.
You encourage a parent to check into home schooling.
You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in a middle school for a least five years.
You can't have children because there isn't any name you can hear that wouldn't elevate your blood pressure.
You can "sense" gum.
You think caffeine should be available to staff in IV form.
Meeting a child's parents instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like that?"
Your personal life comes to a screeching halt at report card time.
Some more here.. some repeats
Real teachers cheer when they hear April 1 does not fall on a school day.
• Real teachers drive older cars owned by credit unions.
• Real teachers clutch a pencil while thinking and make notes in the margins of books.
• Real teachers can't walk past a crowd of kids without straightening up the line.
• Real teachers have disjointed necks from writing on boards without turning their backs on the class.
• Real teachers are written up in medical journals for size and elasticity of kidneys and bladders.
• Real teachers have been timed gulping down a full lunch in 2 minutes, 18 seconds. Master teachers can eat faster than that.
• Real teachers can predict exactly which parents will show up at Open House.
• Real teachers never teach the conjugations of "lie" and "lay" to eighth graders.
• Real teachers know it is better to seek forgiveness than to ask permission.
• Real teachers know the shortest distance and the length of travel time from their classroom to the office.
• Real teachers can "sense" gum.
• Real teachers know the difference among what must be graded, what ought to be graded, and what probably should never again see the light of day.
• Real teachers are solely responsible for the destruction of the rain forest.
• Real teachers have their best conferences in the parking lot.
• Real teachers buy Excedrin and Advil in bulk.
• Real teachers will eat anything that is put in the workroom/teacher's lounge.
• Real teachers know secretaries and custodians run the school.
• Real teachers hear the heartbeats of crisis; always have time to listen; know they teach students, not subjects; and they are absolutely non-expendable.
And finally, something that made me laugh - If Jesus taught public school -
Then Jesus took his disciples up the mountain, and gathering them about him, he taught them, saying: "Blessed are the poor. "Blessed are the hungry. "Blessed are those who mourn. "Blessed are the oppressed. . . . "
Then Simon Peter said, "Do we have to write this down?" And Andrew said, "Are we supposed to know this?" And James said, "I don't have papyrus with me." And Philip said, "Will we have a test on this?" And Bartholomew said, "Do we have to turn this in?" And John said, "The other disciples didn't have to learn this." And Matthew said, "Can I be excused?" And Judas said, "What does this have to do with the real world?"
Then one of the Pharisees who was present asked to see Jesus' lesson plan and inquired: "Is this lesson aligned with state standards? Does it address multiple intelligences? Where are your objectives in the cognitive domain?"
Let us pray for those suffering in the wake of all that is happening there.
On a slightly tangential note, a student of mine was giving a book report today and stated that she enjoyed the novel that she read because it dealt with real issues. Sadly, in my opinion, there is in the novel, many instances of the "real issues" that we would hope one would not ever have to deal with; Adultery, murder, attempted murder, child abuse, prostitution, the list goes on.
She specifically stated that it was a good novel in that it did not finish as the stereotypical story, resulting in the stereotypical fairytale ending, would. The novel ends in an ambiguous way that leaves the reader not thinking about life, reflecting on the complexity of the human existence, but rather, with the unresolved issues still lingering and the reader left thinking about what atrocity would happen next to the protagonist; and why.
It got me thinking... Has it become the norm in our world, especially in the world of our youth, who should of all people, be the most optimistic, that only the worst is to be expected? I thought of my future progeny (very far down the line btw) and what life would be like if I were to sit next to them when tucking them in for the night and tell them that Cinderella got married to Prince Charming only to get into a messy divorce later in which she hires her fairy god mother to turn the Prince into a frog for all the emotional and mental abuse that he's laid upon her through the horrid years of a bad marriage. When my poor kid looks up at me with those puppy-dog eyes and asks why I told such a sad story, what am I to say? "That's life kiddo.... 50% of all marriages end in divorce... get used to it." I suppose, if I have a daughter, this may be the best trick I have up my sleeve in keeping her away from the boys.
Still, is it so bad to pursue the ideal, even knowing that perfection and ideals rarely, if ever, come to fruition the way we expect and even hope for? Why dwell on the morbid, only forever seeing the glass half-empty? Yes, bad things will inevitably happen; Yes, many bad things will occur in one's life. But, why be consigned to such a fact as to allow that to be the whole story? Won't there be some bright spots? Doesn't reality, or in my student's words, "real life" have with it's downs, all the ups?
This is not as to say that all things should be happy gum drops with dabs of fuzzy warm tinglys, but rather that, while we know and acknowledge our fallen world and state, to fix our eyes on that which is attainably good and turn our attentions to, search for, even fight for these things. Who knows, perhaps our optimistic, yet carefully realistic attitude may yield a happy, unexpected, pleasant surprise.
