Life.okay so yeah life not going great lost someone special to me to someone who i thought was one of my friends...but yeah like i knew all along i only had one true friend (Heather) shes the only whos be there for me intierly through out all this BS goin on...but what ever like got to let something good go to move on. And i let that good thing go...'Cause all that good thing did for me was lie...and its not worth holding on to lies....cause if im not worth the simple truth then hes not worth being in my life...but yeah w/e...did some things i shouldn't have done and only Heather nows what those things are...but i fell better...and got all that anger and hate outta me...so yeah but neways i guess im gonna go ill talk to my true friend probley sometime today...later you guys. I love ya Heather thanks for everythings...if it wasn't for you i probley would have dont some stupid stuff...so thanks alot for being there.!!! No guy is worth crying over. 'Cause the one worth crying over wont make you cry in the first place.HaHa but you still love him and you always will...it like you branded himself on you heart...and you will always run back to him RIGHT???!!! It's like no matter what he does. No matter what he says. No matter how mad or anything he makes you. You still love him and you run back to him and you would do anything for him. You would take a bullet for him. && You would drop died for him!!! And sometimes all that just doesn't matter as much to him as it does to you! And I guess you just gotta hold you head up high and pretend its all okay, but sometime's you can't. Sometimes you just wanna lay down and die...'Cause you fill theres no reason to move on...to live for....'Cause without him in your life you just have this empty filling inside and it keeps getting bigger and bigger as the days go on...But sometimes its just so much easier said than done RIGHT???!!! I need the type of boy that's going to hold shit down.And claim me. Tell he's boys "you see that beautiful girl??" Yeah, that one over there. That's the on I'm always talking about!!! It's not about being who everyone else wants you to be. It's about being yourself & finding someone who loves every bit of it. Now, just becuase you deserver this doesn't mean thery're gonna give it to you. Sometimes you gotta take whats yours. I Swear I'd Rip My Heart Out If You Said You'd Be Impressed!!! PLEASE BE IMPRESSED!!! And all he said was "Why don't you just drop died!!" I don't know how to say this. So I'll say it straight up: I love you more than words can say. And boy your all I've got!!! I'm int the middle of trying to choose. Of who I want to love and who I'm willing to lose. && with you, it's like I hold on for some reason even though every inch of my body wants to let go. So from now on when you see me. Just remember that no one, will ever love you like I do. Too many times I've been lead on... Left dreaming and fantasizing... Waiting for a moment that will never appear... You might think of me as just one girl but I'm *one girl* who took *one look* and fell harder for you than I ever have in my ENTIRE LIFE!!! Its not tha waiting 'Cause i can wait forever for something. Its tha fact that I might be waiting for nothing. Try to blow it off & act like everythings is OK, but honestly when it comes down to it....I miss the old days. The days when you'd call me every night just to say goodnight &remind me for the 100th time that you loved me. The days when you'd call me at, the end of a school day when I went hom sick just to check to me and see if I was feeling better & to tell me that you missed me. That days when you'd walk me to all of my classes ever if it meant going totally outta your way. Because you knew it made me happy. The days when you trusted me enough to tell me anything and everything. && neither one of us would hold anything back. The days when you'd do everything in your power to make me laugh even when I had tears running down my face. But I guess most of all, the days when you looked at me & smiled as if I was the greatest thing on earth. NOWDAYS, I just feel like I place a burden on you. Like in somehow I'm in your way. No matter how many girls tell you they love you, No one means it like I do. The worst feeling isn't being lonely-- it's being forgotten by someone you could never forget. The hardest thing about growing up is that you have to do what's best for yourself. Even if it means breaking someone's heart..including your own. So once again I'll feel my heart break over something that was only in my head. But don't forget I meant every word I should have left unsaid. Her heart is black and full of hate. But you can't tell by looking at her face. She seems so happy with all of her friends, laughing and joking with all of them, but under her skin she wants to cry, But no tears can come out of her pretty Green eyes. It's killing her from the inside out. And she knows it, with out a doubt. She keeps it inside. Never forget yesterday but always live for today, because you never know what tomorrow can bring, or what it can take away. You don't realize how strong a person is until you see them in their weakest moment!! My greatest fear in life is not to have a big enough impact on someone's life to always be remembered. Let's lay on a blanket in the grass and watch the fireworks above us & pinky promise that we'll be together forever. I'm not the girl who runs up to you when I see you and I'm not the girl who jumps at every moment to talk to you; but I'm the girl who keeps it all inside and regrets it all in the End. Sometimes you gotta put walls up... Not to keep people out but to see who cares enough to break them down.. The worst thing about being lied to is knowing that your not worth the truth. A heart breaking isn't always as loud as a bomb exploding. Sometimes it can be as quiet as a father falling & the most painful thing is no one hears it...execpt for you! Peopl ask me if I believe in forever and I can't help but to sit back && laugh because with the way my lifes going I don't even believe in tomorrow. Isn't it funny how when you want it the most you can't have it? & when you got it you don't care & once you lose it you'd do anything to get it back. I guess nobody ever really does mean to fall in love. But it happens & love brands itself on your brain. It's like a new street appearing overnight in the city you've lived in your hole life. The street is one way-- You can't turn around & get off it-- & its curves are up ahead so that you can on ly see far enough to know that you're heading into the unknown. So maybe I don't know how much more of this I can handle, but I do know that good things come to those who wait, and even better things will come to those who don't give up. She only loves you because she only knows the good. Well I know the good and the bad and I love you twice as much as she EVER will!! Here I am on the phone again && awkward silenceon the other end. I used to know the sound of a smile in your voice, but right now, all I feel, is the pain fo the fighting starting up again... I am who I am & your opinion is neither desired nor required. I had him and I lost him and believe me, you don't know how much it hurts. And she tired to takeing a risk, but her heart just wouldn't let her. You've broken my heart so many times it would have just been easier to just run a saw striaght through it. Isn't it fun? Realizing you love someone. I just hits you one day...all of a suddenly they're all you think about. & whe you're thinking about them you either have a smile on your face or tears running down your cheeks. You can't ear, you can't sleep, you just lay there & think about them. You don't want to go out anywhere, unless you know they're goin to be there. And once you're there, you don't want to be anywhere else. And then all your friends and family ask you if you're okay... because you just seem so out of it. And they wondr why you've been spending so much time in your room...just laying there. It's no a perfact world. Yes, people do get hurt. Words change. People change. You smile shen you feel like crying. You act like you're okay when you're falling apart inside, and you let go because there's nothing else you can do. It hurts the most when you never gave up on him && still haven't stopped thinking of him && never stopped loving him, no matter what!!! But he gave up on you, stopped thinking about you && now he loves someone new! There's something I need to tell you. I love you, you know that I do, but... I am just scared of so many things. I am scared of feeling this way, & I am scared of being so vulnerable but most of all, I am really scared of LoSiNg YoU!!! You will never know true pain until you look into the eyes of someone you love, and they look away!! When the day comes that he finally wants you; make him wait and make him cry tha way you did for him, if he loves you, he'll stay. I'm a strong girl, keeping my shit in line>> even when the tears are streaming down my face, I still manage to say the words "I'm Fine". All you can do is smile and walk away. Hide all the pain && pretend you Okay. There are things you don't want to happen but you ahve to accept there are things you don't want to know but you have to learn and there are people you can't live without. but you have to let go. The 4 most painful words in the english language are not "We need to talk" its "We're better off friends" Lets be the couple everyone wants to be. Then break each others hearts && say those "Ohh so famous words" Lets just be friends. I told myseld I'd never shed a tear over a guy...but you must be special...because when I saw you tell her you loved her...a tear ran down my cheek and my heart broke in two. | 
