So summer has been fun, but ya know those days when you can't think of anything to do so  you don't go out, but there's not really anything to do at home either... so you don't want to stay here.  Yah... on those days, i sit around and read other peoples open diaries and shiess like that.  It's actually quite entertaining... but probably in the most wrong idea ever because i will copy and paste and read the hilarities out loud just because reading people's lives out loud makes it all seem so pointless and terribly funny. 

here's some bad news:  a mosquito is in my room... and i already have 4 bites... i'm freaking out so i left and now im in the studio because i always feel better in here.... it's warmer and brighter and... less mosquitos...

i've been working on two new paintings... one is fun because i'm trying to do it asian style... so i've been studying strokes and scrolls.  the other is for my parents because i suck at coming up with good gifts.. but it's a painting of a picture i took in China... soooo maybe i'll finish it?  then again.. that's doubtful because it looks awful and ... i'm bad.. so i really don't have a desire to wreck it more.

and i just discovered a new bug bite... and i'm dying slowly. 

my mother is FREAKING OUT.  now.. on a normal day when i'd say this,.. you could go ahead and assume i'm exaggerating to add the pity affect... but swhao.. nooooo- this woman is ... sooo SCARY!  i can't do a damn thing with out her like.. crying because i'm leaving soon... (crying or yelling.. they're all the same thing now).

speaking of not being able to do anything right.. i'm having some problems in that department... i have such a massive lack of self control, which of course in the end really means i 'm lacking in self respect too which makes me sad .. but GAH.. it's really tearing me up inside.

SONG OF THE DAY: banana pancakes- jack johnson

natasha

welcome home natasha.

How was china? 

O well that's healthy.  Learning that is.  O pure joy.

natsha

i never thought i'd be one to feel this

flighty, flirty, flitting from conquest to conquest

and now i am the one

who loses

again

again

natasha

12:37-  i just arrived home after an evening of dinner with the women, partay, and attempt at dancing.  I am now sitting in front of my computer, checking the weather for the next week, again, for the third time- today.  And i'm thinking- is this what it's really like to live in the "real world."  i look forward to growing up and living in the "real world" but i have come to discover that i will actually ALWAYS look forward to growing up and living in the real world.  I know as of age 72 i will still check the weather three times a day and wonder what others are doing with their lives that seem to be so much more... rich than mine.  What makes a single soul's life rich?  Like, how can you feel full?  Those taco bell commercials are shiesse- i will never feel full. 

Athens- I'm walking back to my car from a seminar at UGA last weekend and i pass an art gallery.  It's free, and being chinese, why not take advantage- infact, lets sneak 12 people in there, in fact, let's invite over every relative from Hong Kong over to see this suddenly phenomenal art gallery- all because it's free.  And i'm walking down the halls of this gallery, staring at the paintings and the pictures and the new and improved digital photography with incredible enhancements that make the impossible seem to jump out of the wall.  And i'm asking someone, any one, my head, my God, my future, "How do i get DO that?... How does a person LEARN to be artistic?  How can you feel all of that emotion and have everything MEAN so much to SO Many  people?" And then i realized that i could never be taught this feeling.  I could never take pills to enhance my personality.  I could never download optimism.  I could never read a self help on inspiration. 

Art calls the artist, and the artist will follow or die because the calling is so strong- it is a matter of life and death.  It is the life force that can never be shunned or hidden or put in a bathroom closet.  But a person can never call art.  4 years, 2 majors, 2 extensive travels, 1 personal trainer, and 500 books could never enhance a faux calling. 

I NEED A DATE- NOW.

SONG OF THE DAY:  can't even think of one... i REALLY need a date to my own prom... WHO FREAKIN KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN- last year i had like.. 5 or 6 guys ask me wayyyy before deadline... this year.. i'm on the last week.. and begging.  i guess i lost my touch : /... or mabye i found a new touch ?

natasha