ladyjade7013's Xanga

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 12:07:27 GMT

Happy Birthday to the most important woman in my life, my mother, who turns 53 today. <3

#536

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 03:10:37 GMT

So someone mentioned to me the other day how ironic it is that a sunny-happy-cheery person like can have such a dark Xanga. I guess this is true if you know me in person. I'm seem to be silly, goofy, dorky and definitely a klutz. While that is true, but I'd like to think that a person can have many facets and personalities that makes up his or her character. So while I am happy and cheery for the most part, I need an outlet of release when things aren't going so well. For me, Xanga is that outlet. It's cathartic!! (thanks Dennison!) I know that I can definitely be emo and manic depressive. Blame it on daily life troubles wearing me down or just careless people really nerving me. So for the times that I can't have a good verbal fight, I'd like to tell them off via my writings. I'd like to think a pen is mightier than the sword. And so when I write--I write to vent. When all is finished and done, I feel like a giant boulder have been lifted off my chest and I can finally breathe out a big sigh of relief. Not to mention, writing is a way for me to clear my head and sort the chaos that is going through my head at the moment. It is like spring cleaning for your mind.

So admittedly, the last few entries posted... I know... are not exactly sunshine and rainbows. So how about something different for change? Tonight, I don't have anything to vent about and life has been decent. Here is a painting I did for my best friend's birthday two weeks ago. I got a paint set for my birthday about 3 or 4 years ago but I never quite find the time to use it often. In fact, this photo is of only the 2nd time I have painted on canvas-- or painted ever. And so far, every painting I've done, I have given away. Maybe when I'm good enough, I'll keep a few at home but for now, I'd like to give them away as gifts. I think it's sentimental. I actually want to take a painting class someday. That has been a life long dream of mine since Humanities 101 at College of DuPage. Seeing all those great artists making colors come to life from a blank canvas was almost God-like and unimaginable.

Well, here's mine. I didn't know what to call it so I called it "Colors of Life" or something like that. I even have lyrics that goes with it since these were the ones that stood out to me when I was painting.

"I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail...

I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile...

I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream"- ABBA

I didn't know what to paint so I just sat down with my iPod for four hours and just did whatever that came to mind. At one point, when it was near completion, I made a big mistake of painting something that I thought was horrendous, it made almost wanted to throw black paint over the entire thing and call it "Midnight". But then I thought that would just be too cliche' so I tried to salvage whats left. As fate would have it, I was able to learn two valuable lessons from this experience.

The first lesson was that sometimes the most simple thing is the most beautiful thing. While I had tried to make the painting better by doing all sorts of patterns and giving it bright colors, I felt that it was still not complete. When I tried to beautify it more, I ended up making worse. In the end, I threw black paint over and wanting to call it quits. It was just then that I realized, the black circle was beautiful the way it was. It grounded my painting amidst all the colors and lines and made me feel that everything can be stable if we just take the time to appreciate the simplicity. And since I liked it so much, I added two more smaller circles at the corners and that was when I knew it was complete.

The second lesson I learned was that it's not what you did, but how you got there. To be honest, I felt very good to have produce something that has received a few compliments from people. But what made me proud was not what I painted, but how I managed to salvage it when I thought all was lost. If you ask me whats my favorite thing about that painting-- I would say "the black circles." Call it a weird-artist-conception but to me, it's a beautiful mistake. It started out ugly but it became something beautiful in my eyes.

Who knew that by just a simple thing--like painting--can teach you grand life lessons?

This reminds of something I read once in one of the Buddhist books--that essentially, anything you do daily can be a lesson if you reflect on it. There is no better teacher than the here and now-- no better teacher than life itself.

#535

Tue, 30 Sep 2008 04:34:49 GMT

Another venting entry...

I know it's just another Manic Monday and the week only started but I just feel so easily irritated easily. It's probably a combination of my super-sensitivity and other people's stupidity that makes it the perfect formula. Frankly tonight, I have tried very hard to hold my true feelings back in order to remained civil to a particular person whom I believe to be one of the most egotistical, hard-headed, ignorant, inconsiderate imbecile I have ever met. And I think I have only met maybe 2 or 3 of these kind of jerks in my life and he is decidedly, up there.

The thing is that he's not even my friend. He is just a person whom I see almost everyday when go to and come back from the train stations. When we first met, he played his "I'm a macho" card and I withstood all of his bad jokes and corny self-compliments. Even though I found his conversational skills to be particularly distasteful, I just let him be his manly self and figured it was a unique attribute. Occasionally, in the last few months, because of some family tied-up (he usually gets dropped off by a family member instead of driving himself) he had asked me to pick him up from his house since we go to the same train station. I was happy to do it because I viewed him as a friend and was even excited that I had a commuting buddy. The only thing that bugs me about it is when I do pick him up and wait outside the house, he is taking his precious time getting ready. Even when we're running late or he knew I needed to get to the station early to get a parking spot, he still takes a while to stroll down drive way and into my car. Once we get on the train, he never sits with me, he gets on and stand by the door so he can beat the wave and catch the bus once we get downtown (even though we both catch the same bus). But you know, I never thought about how weird it was that here is a guy who can be so out-of-touch with the people he actually asks favors from until recently this week.

It goes like this, about three times in the past week, I have been picking him up and dropping him off because his mother had eye surgery and she can't see (she's usually the one driving him to the train). The only reason I've been doing it because when I think of my own mother, I feel bad that his mother is going through a hard time. I wanted to help out because I thought it was a nice gesture. But I have decided to stop all of that as of now because it finally occurred to me that the guy has only been using me to give him rides, and only that. Although he has my contact information and thinks he's my friend, he has never called me or attempted to bond with me outside of the transportation circumstances. He has only called me, text me, or IMed me when he needs a ride-- so much that whenever he does it, I know what he is going ask now. Furthermore, he doesn't talk to me when we're riding in the car. On the train, he sits/stand elsewhere. I have made the effort to go and sit by him so it doesn't feel so odd, and still when he does say something to me, he only makes fun of me (like how I chew gum loudly or that I'm eating a plum for breakfast). When we are walking to the same bus route, he doesn't say anything to me but just walk about his own way. Then, he doesn't even sit by me when we're on the bus. Basically, he only gets the ride from me and goes about with headphones plugged up in his ears. Seriously. Who does that to somebody when they are doing you favors?

The last time I dropped him off was the most awkward moment of my life by far. We met up at the train station downtown and walked separately on the same train without saying a word to each other. We were in different spots in the car and when we got off, he walked ahead of me toward my OWN car in the parking lot and waited for me to come. Then we barely said anything the entire car ride when I dropped him off. When I tried to make a conversation by asking him how he's doing, all he could said was "Well, I'm tired because you only gave me 10 minutes to run the train station." I wanted to slug him at that instant. I have been nothing but so nice to him and definitely wayyy too understanding. He's an idiot for thinking that I was only valuable as his personal chauffer. If he is asking for a ride, he should have gotten his stinky ass to that train station ahead of time instead of waiting around until the last minute to run to the station. Truth be told, I had told him at 5pm to get to the station and catch the 5:26pm train. That is almost 30 minutes to get there. He is the one that needs a favor, he should have known better to arrive early and sit and wait for his ride if he needed to-- not try and time it so that he barely makes it. The nerve of that guy... to go and put it the spin on me as if I did him wrong.

I have been trying to avoid him since then but he doesn't get the hint and this evening has called my work, called my cell, text my phone, IMed me to give him another ride. At this point, I consider this.. spamming and was getting terribly annoyed. I said I couldn't because I was busy. A part of me really just wanted to tell him off right then "Look, stop calling me when you only need me to drive you!" So going home today, I really was hoping to avoid seeing him on the train but as luck would have it, he saw me when we got off at the stop. The thing is, he got a ride then. Someone else picked him up. But now, just an hour ago, he called me up again for another ride. I didn't want to say it over the phone so I took the impersonal route of replying to him via IM instead. It took a lot of restraint from me to not tell him what an inconsiderate jerk that I think he is. Wise words from close ones suggested that I shouldn't lash out at him since I'd have to see him every morning and that will just be so ugly and awkward. So I didn't. Instead, I said that I wasn't comfortable giving him rides anymore and that I prefer not to talk about it. Home-boy then goes "Fine. It's cool. Whatever." and logged off. @_@. Seriously??!! That's the manner of this 28 year old boy when I refused to obliged. He goes "Whatever".

Idiot.

I really wanted to tell him what I thought but I knew it wasn't the best course of action. So I'm writing this out instead. I just hope that he will figure out someday why people suddenly don't want to help him out anymore. I hope one of his real friends will pull him aside and tell him the truth to save him from making a complete fool out of himself in front of people who could have been beneficial to him. Since I don't consider myself his friend, I don't want to waste my time and breath to explain it all to him. He will just have to go through life thinking he is super-macho and that he can get whatever he wants from people. But the truth is, he isn't macho. He is a boy with no manners. And that no single person no matter how nice they may be, will continue to help out rude jerks. I tried to be nice, but I just have far too much self-respect. I just can't help someone who goes out of their way to make me feel so much like I'm being used. Sorry, I'm not that much of a fool.

And if fate would have it that he should someday come upon this entry, the better! Saves me from having to say it in person. And yes, this is what I think if you so get your act together and be nicer to people that you need help from. You're old enough to know better!

#534

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 01:24:32 GMT

I don't have time to elaborate so I'll just write down quickly my thoughts for the moment.

This has been one those weeks where everything just feels loopy and chaotic. From waking up on a Tuesday morning thinking it was Saturday's morning and that you could sleep-in to finding out that it wasn't was utterly disappointing. Then from getting so involved with emails because there was too much to do to completely forgetting you had a meeting appointment to go to. And then running to try to make that appointment only to find out that the meeting rooms has changed on and that none of your co-workers had bothered to give you a ring to give you a heads up. Oh yeah, and then also catching up to those co-workers asking them what's going on only to have them completely ignored you and pass by. The next part included you feeling so overwhelmed that you end up breaking down and cry in front of a director-level management (who was so kind enough to hear you out and luckily, didn't judge you but still you feel like a complete fool). Then staying late at work practically everyday to work on a volunteer project that you promised to helped out only to run into a situation where every train that was leaving the city was canceled due to a pedestrian accident. Then the next three days deciding to help out a person who is pretty much a jerk to you all the time by giving him rides to and and from the train stations. This same person can't even have the decency to talk or walk with you when you're with them or if he does, he has nothing nice to say except scuff at you. And the only reason you did it because you feel bad bad that his mom just had eye surgery. You don't even know his mom but you cared while you could careless about him. Then to having someone practically bite your head off over the phone for something that wasn't in her area of jurisdiction in the first place. And lastly, helping people who don't even know how to help themselves, supporting people who don't know how to get their project started but yet wouldn't shut up long enough to hear you talk. And last of all, having a boss who doesn't realize that you DO work so instead give you busy work like interpreting 600+ rows of excel times 3 worksheets worth of TV ratings. And he thinks you don't read his email just because you asked about which one he was referring to because you only get like 50 messages a day. Pretty much, everyone is loony, you feel loony and just plain bitchy.

I've had a fabulous week!
(*sarcasm)

#533 Michael Phelps

Sun, 07 Sep 2008 16:21:23 GMT

I keep forgetting to mention my celebrity spotting of the summer/year (.. Yeah I say this like I see them all the time.. Right)... more like life.

Michael Phelps

He was at the Magic Kingdom and the first thing I saw (besides Cinderella's castle which nobody can miss) when I got into the park. Truth be told, it seriously took me an eternal 10 minutes before I can snap a decent shot. To no surprise, he was being covered by reporters and other people holding umbrellas (it wasn't even raining). While my neighbors around me were yelling "you, umbrella person, please move.. Umbrella!", I patiently stood in one spot because I figured one of them have to get tired from standing and shift their position at some point in this life time... and some people did. So here are the fruits of my patience.

Taken on Friday, August 29th.

For the first 5 minutes, this was the best view anyone could get. But there he is.

And they finally moved.

#532 New Car?

Sun, 07 Sep 2008 05:56:07 GMT

The Cold War ended earlier than I had expected. Despite our horrific confrontation fight 2 days ago we have managed to speak our first words this morning to each other. I did the civilized thing to offer to drive my mother to get her car emission's tested. I guess, if nothing else the crappy state of the car and the unfortunate luck it always brings brought us together. The only bad news is her car failed the emission test... again. Last year it took about 5 tries so I wonder how many tries it will take this year? After hearing my mother go back and forth on getting a replacement car on and off for the last 2 years, I have decided that she is never going to sell it because the thought of investing in any kind of big purchase at her day and age completely overwhelms her. Frankly, I don't even know who would in their right mind take that car home because if they know what I know, I would have to pay people to take it away. Let's just say for a car that's 12 years old.. it's really going on 21. I will spare the details but lets just say nothing in that car works right except for the A/C. And I really mean, nothing. Ever since she has bought this car from some person they found in a listing, she has put more money into fixing it than actually driving it. If we were to add up all the costs that she have spent on this Toyota Camry, we could have bought her another used car by now.

It occurred to me today that I may not have any choice left if I want my mother to drive a car that's not going to have its rear view mirrors falling off or the roof leaking again when we go through a storm. I've been working for a year now and I should start looking into buying a replacement for my current 1994 Toyota Corolla. If it was left to me, I could still drive this baby around for another couple of years. It only have 117K miles and still purrs like a kitten. Sure the radio is staticky, the A/C doesn't work, and that I have no CD player, but this car has a been a loyal friend through all my commuting years during college. I would have no problem with driving it until it can't possibly run anymore because I really need it to get me from one point to another. Now that I use public transportation (buses and trains) daily to work, I only put about 10 miles on my car a day. This summer flew by without my usual routine of being baked in the car on those 90 degrees day. Despite all of this, my car drives great. However, the time has come for me to put the thought of owning a new car in my consideration set. This is the only option that would entice my mother enough to throw away the other car, and in return she will want to drive my previous one guilt-free and I will have another "new" car after all of these years. It's a win-win situation.

Though I haven't decided on whether to get a brand new car or a used car, I know I want something along the lines of a hybrid. Why not drive and help the environment at the same time? But I have no idea on where to start because I have never purchased anything like this before. Considering that my biggest purchase so far has been this iMac which I paid full with a credit car, I have no idea what the process is to buying a car. I think I will leave the next 6 months to research and feeling out what kind of car out there is for me. It will be the first time that I get to choose the car that I will drive. So feel free to leave tips for me, I'd appreciate it.

In the meanwhile, we are going to cross our fingers that this summer, it will take my mom's car less than 3 retests to pass the emission run.

#531 When we fight

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 03:20:01 GMT

Garrr... I'm so frustrated, I don't even know how to feel. I want to cry and bawl and burst into tears but all I could manage was a few drops. Maybe I'm getting old or maybe it's because this situation keeps coming up over and over again. All I know is I would really like a big punching bag right now.

They say the person closest to you are the ones who can hurt you the most and that is how I feel about my mother. Ever since my teenage years, my mother is the single person who is literally a fuse to my bomb. No one will ever see me as mad as when I have been with her. That's because I have not met anyone who can psychologically manipulate me the way she does. And if I ever encounter a person like that someday, I would run so fast, all that would be left in my tracks are tire smokes. That's because I would not have enough resilience or skin of a buffalo to deal with the kind of mind tricks and games that my mother has put on me if it was someone other than the woman who gave birth to me.

I've grown up now to feel a certain way when people accuse me wrongly of my intentions, it is the absolute single act that I cannot, seriously, cannot stand. I live in my shoes, I can hear my thoughts, so therefore I know what my intentions are and my feelings about things. Therefore, the number one item, the top of the list thing that I hate the most... and I mean absolutely hate it.. and despise it... is when someone dictates to me what my intentions are and parade around saying it over and over and over in front me. I swear at times like those, I could seriously knock a hole in the wall. For those who have known me, they will tell you that I am someone who when you taunt, would break down and cry before anything. And that is basically all I do. If you take it up a notch, I will be likely to raise my voice and scream over your screams. But I am almost never physical where I want to hit or break things as that is only when I am so frustrated I have no idea what to do anymore. I rarely get to that point except for when I am with my mother.

I can't stand it when my mother does that thing I mentioned above. She really knows how to make the call and twist and turn my words to make it something else horrible and untrue and the she will repeatedly say it to the point that I just want to shoot myself. I seriously think that growing up with her is the primarily reason why I can feel so manic depressive at times, and so emotionally unbalanced and come to have an extremely sensitive zone. Everyone I've met and made friendships and relationships with knows that I can be too sensitive and that I take the words they say too seriously. They don't really know my history of growing up with my mother. If I was to self-diagnose myself, I really think I have been too many times traumatize by verbal abuse. It's not that she would physically harm me, but she can definitely mentally scare me. She is someone whom when she's mad, would say anything no matter how hurtful or how untrue to me just to get a reaction. She would always know the right thing to say too. Things like "you don't love me" or "you just want to get rid of me" or "you never really care about me, you only care for yourself" kind of things. Basically, they are the worse guilt-trip cards in the world and what sucks the most is they are all untrue but they come out so hurtful.

So saying untrue things would escalate our conversation into an argument. Once it gets bad, we would shout over each other like bad song on a broken record. We become so dissonant that the sound that come out of our mouths are just noise and we can't even hear our own thoughts. It's a chain reaction in a bad cycle that's being fueled by one person's decision to misunderstand a point of view. Our argument, broken down would come to this kind of pattern:

I would say A, and she would think I said B.
She would then say that I think B, while I am trying to tell her I don't, in fact I think A and my reasons are A1, A2, A3.
She would then continue to say I think B and that I also think C and D while I'm at it.
I would continue to fight and tell her I don't think B, so stop saying B and everything else.
She would see that that's really the string to pull and continue to say I said B (repeat 12x).
I would get so mad, so worked up by then I would do something like hit the table or stand up and stomp the floor.

By this point, all hell would break lose and I feel like a 7 year old fighting with my mother and it's useless. She can't hear me, she won't listen to me. She continues to put words in my mouth. Words that I did not say, implications I did not make and things I do not feel. But she would say it so-matter-of-factly, that if a stranger just come up to us, they would believe every single thing she had just said and think I am some conniving, twisted, manipulative, irresponsible, temper-tantrum throwing, spoiled-rotten daughter who doesn't have an ounce of affection or appreciation or gratitude for an old lady who fed and raised and practically breathe life into the 25 years that she has lived.

So by now, I am so worked up that I can't walk away when she is in the same room with me saying all these things. Oh but even if I leave the room, she will find me and continue to talk next to my ears. Or she will stand her ground and talk out loud about me as if I wasn't there. At which point, I would feel like Vincent Van Gogh and I want to cut them off so I wouldn't be able to hear anything. Then our next pattern of argument would be that she would continue to say I think B, and C and D (all the ungrateful things) and that I'm physically abusive. And this of course, makes it worse. We'll do this back and forth a couple more times, about 10 or so. We'd both be hysterical by now and should check into a mental institution if you saw us. I would get so mad, I'd agree and give up (like what the police do when they want a suspect to admit to a crime, they keep accusing them until they just give up, I can't think of the name for this technique). I'd say fine, "I meant B, are you happy? I think that and I think C, and D too. Is that what you want me to say?"She would then cry in exclamation in agreement and say that she knew it all along. And this is the second time in the mist of our argument where again, I'd really want to shoot myself.

There is just no win. There is only lose, lose more, lose greater. If I stay quiet, I am agreeing to whatever things she says that's untrue. If I argue or talk back, I am being disrespectful, ungrateful and apparently also harassing her. Basically, she can say whatever she wants because she is my mother. It has been stated. But that's not over yet. The finale of the season, the topping of the sundae, the cream of the cake is that..... I would get a full doze of what a horrible human being and daughter I am. I would receive everything from being the most selfish and self-centered person she has ever known, the most controlling and manipulative freak, the most ungrateful and unappreciative daughter ever, and that our mother-daughter relationship is over and she does not want to know me or see me and that from now on. In fact, she says we should live our separate lives and go separate ways because she can't stand a person like me or come to see how I could be her child so we should just pretend like we don't know each other starting now. She also say things like "I wont ever ask for anything of you again, even if I'm dying." Then, she adds on how all the years and money and time spent raising me and putting me to college is a big waste since I don't even know how to be a good human being. Finally, she will also state that thanks to me, she would never have kids again and if she were to, she would not have someone like me.

Talk about building self-esteem. I seriously don't know how is it possible that I went through all those adolescent years without joining gangs or doing drugs or drop out of school as result of just being so overly fed up and drained emotionally on the home front. Pretty much, I saying I'm wondering how I am not seriously screwed or psychologically depressed or just insane or plain psychotic. Instead, I turn to writing and going through great lengths to just blabber and vent my most outrageous frustrations to save myself from going crazy so that I can wake up and go to work tomorrow.

If you are still reading this by now, you must be really sympathetic or just have time to spare. Either way, I guess I feel a bit better. Though not really. We're probably not going to be speaking to each other for the next couple of days. She will probably gives me the cold shoulder and I just don't have the mental strength to say anything at all. We used to fight every month when I was a teenager, as I've gotten older, that has become more scarce. So maybe we're due for a fight but trust me, this kind of fight isn't healthy for anyone.

If you're very curious about what was tonight's reason for warfare. Let's just say these are the premises: Mom needs to go to the dentist to get a crown placed and while we have a dentist 5 minutes from our house, she wants to go to a Vietnamese doctor 30 minutes away. We talked about going to the former because it's easier and more accessible for her to drive her self but she refused. She has to go to the other one which requires me taking a day off, or a friend taking a day off to drive her, or we get on a 6 months waiting list for a weekend opening. When we last talked, she promised me that if she goes to the latter place and she will learn the roads so that she can go herself. Results has been that she has not try being in the driver seat once while one of us sits next to her. So this time, I really think it's time to step it up. That didn't work out so well. So basically, the formulas for chugging in the above statements goes:

A= Mom, I think it's time you should learn how to drive yourself to the dentist now. You could do it if you give it a try.
A1= You said you would but you've only have others driven you. How about you actually sit at the wheel and learn while someone is next to you?
A2= I could print out a map and teach you how to read it. Learning how to read a map is a basic skill that could be useful.
A3= You won't have to drive on the highway and we could practice routes until you remember.

B= My mother is a burden to my life and I just want her to learn how to drive herself so that I don't have to. She is troublesome to me and I don't want to help her even though she's old and feeble and have raised me.
C= I would rather be kind and nice to strangers than be there for my family. When it comes to family, it's a burden to me.
D= If I had my way, I would just toss her to the side and that on her deathbed, I would make her wake up and listen to my arguments because I don't care about her and only care that I get something out of it.

Perhaps this is an Asian parents thing, as some of my friends have shared with me that their parents talk to them the same way. If there was one thing Asian parents are very keen on is that they will tell you over and over again how much of a burden you have caused them.   Supposedly in some twisted way, it's suppose to help you grow. I just seriously don't know how this could be effective and good for anyone's being. It's mentally exhausting, psychologically draining, and could cause serious negative perception of self and generate trust issues for someone living it. I vow that someday, when I have kids, I would never ever say the kinds of things that have been said to me by my parents. It just isn't right. I finished "The Last Lecture" today and it saddens me greatly that I have never known the kind of parent-child relationship where I was encouraged to be myself, speak my mind (obviously not this because I've been here venting) and was told that I was the best thing that have ever happened to them.

It really sucks that I feel that of my entire life, 50% was raised by my parents while the other 50% I raised myself. This is because if I had listen to 100% of the things that I have been told, I can assure you that I would not be as sane as I am today. While most kids gets taken to appointments by their parents, I have been driving my parents to their appointments and filling out their forms as long as I could write and had a license. When I was in my early 20s, I took my dad to chemotherapy and had to translate what the doctors said for my parents. It was hard enough dealing with someone's terminal illness, and it's even harder when you have to always be the adult when you are still a kid. Now that my dad is no longer with us, I have taken on the head of the household tasks like tracking the bills, paying the bills, balancing mom's checkbook and taking care of her savings. Although I'm still driving her to the doctors and things and I would even take days off at work in order to do it, I would really like her to just try to learn how to drive herself when it's not a hard route.   I think it's good for her to be able to know how to read a map and take local streets. It worries me what she will do when I am no longer living at home? Everyone keeps asking me "when will you move out and be on your own?". I don't have an answer to that because I don't know how she would be without me. Truth be told, I want her to be able and confident enough to do the things that she could still do for herself. It's not because I want to get off the hook (like she thinks) or get rid of her. Unfortunately, she doesn't see it this way because of her own fear of things or because the reality is, I'm growing up. I don't know which one it is but I hope that someday, we would be able to have different point of views without going down each other's throat or letting our own pride get in the way of what really matters.

Eau de what?

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 23:41:34 GMT

Though my aunt has told me once but I couldn't remember what was the difference between eau de toilette and perfume. So for those whose curiosity needs to be satisfied like mine, here it is:

http://ask.yahoo.com/20030226.html

Most perfumes are complex combinations of natural materials, such as essential oils from plants, and synthetic products that increase the lasting power and heighten the smell. Alcohol is used as a liquid base for perfume, and the ratio of alcohol to scented perfume concentrates determines what the final concoction is labeled.

From highest concentration to least, the different forms of perfume are:

    * Perfume, also called extract or extrait perfume, can include 15-40% perfume concentrates. This is the purest form of scented product and is the most expensive as a result.

    * Eau de parfum contains about 7-15% perfume concentrates. This is the most popular and common form of perfume. It provides a long-lasting fragrance and generally doesn't cost as much as extract perfume.

    * Eau de toilette has around 1-6% perfume concentrates. This makes for a light scent that doesn't linger as long as the more intense versions. It was originally intended to be a refreshing body splash to help people wake up in the morning.

    * Eau de cologne is sometimes used interchangeably with the term eau de toilette. However, the concoction began as the name of a light, fresh fragrance mixed with citrus oils and was made popular by Napoleon. Some perfumers today have a version of this called eau fraiche.

-------

Now my next question is... why 'toilette' for a fragrance?

#530 Summer release

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 04:50:16 GMT

I can't believe it's September already...

How time has flown and with this being the first summer in which I didn't have to return to a semester of classes, it made me feel even more old. My school days are really over. And with that, my one year work anniversary is actually this Thursday (I call it today though because I remember my first day of work was the day right after Labor Day). It's been about one year since I've started at Starcom. Looking back, I feel very lucky and satisfied to have found the agency on my own. It's a small thing but I remember the day I found out that I was hired, I felt victorious something like a runner who has just finished a marathon. It's important to have some kind of dreams because it gives you a direction. It's important to have goals because it gives you something to strive for. Best of all is when you achieve your goals, you feel like you could do anything at that moment. Real and true self-confidence has to be earned and worked for by you. I hope that I will always be able to keep some kind of dreams alive... even if dreams change and evolve into something else, that's okay. What matters is having something to look forward to. I am happy with where I am at now, though I know it is not yet the perfect place, nothing ever is. In fact, it is almost perfect minus a few setbacks (well, that and if I was paid more). But regardless of whatever challenges may lay ahead, I have set my heart on getting the best out of it. Experience is what that counts and gives value to a work in progress. Funny that I've been listening to the audio book version of The Last Lecture, and Randy had said something along the lines of: Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want. So failure and rejections are almost a necessary element for success as experience is also essential.

As for other updates, I haven't been writing as much as I would have liked because this summer so far has been quite eventful for me. The last month of July leading up to now and to be continued to the middle of this month, almost every weekend has already been written in the books. Since my birthday at Navy Pier and everything else that has taken place in the last month, it has all equal to Taste of Chicago, Coldplay concert, architectural cruise tours, culinary dinners, Jersey boys show, road trip to Mall of America, bridesmaid meetings, visit to FL to visit my aunts and uncle, and my mom's first time of going to the Disney's World (or any amusement park for that matter) to see the Magic Kingdom. In less than two weeks is also the wedding of a longtime girlfriend of mine whom I've always looked up to and admired. I guess this is the part of my life where I really start to feel that life is really happening, and things are really changing or going to change as we know it. There's just something to seeing an old friend walking down that aisle and you remembered the times when you and her were just going on our mini adventures to Japanese markets to take sticker pictures, and also the times when you and her used to talk about the future. She said at what age she'd like to get married and the kind of person that she wants and you think to yourself, I wonder if that will ever happen to me too. Now, seeing it as it is all coming together really makes me think about how much time has gone by. Life is moving and changing as we know it.

On the final note, I have accomplished my long-set summer goal. I have put on a swimsuit (once!) and swam (in a pool!). It was in Sanford two days ago while in FL. I did it! I almost thought it wasn't going to happen but it worked out after all . I kid you not when I say that this entire summer, I couldn't find a single opportunity to put on a swimsuit (practically new because I bought it last summer and never got a chance to really wear it). So this summer, I really wanted to wear it at least once before I get too fat to squeeze into it next year. Thankfully, I found that the suit still fits this summer. So, always remember, set a goal no matter how silly it may sounds-- because sometimes that's the only way to get something done. And then you'd feel quite good about it.

So now, summer (even though it's not over until 9/22 but I'm mentally preparing myself), I hereby release you from your duties of 90 degrees day, high heat index, humidity, and late sunsets. I am ready to say goodbye now. I've lived a healthy and productive summer and I'm ready to take on the next season.

(my first and last dip in a pool of the summer. here visiting my favorite uncle in FL).

(us being the bridesmaids for Jane whose wedding is on 9/14. guess which one is me?)

What are 5 qualities that turn you off in the opposite sex?

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 05:00:00 GMT

1. self-proclaimed, egotistical, narcissistic-nature
2. lack of concerns for others, disrespectful, ill-mannered, inconsiderate (extra turn-off it it's toward family)
3. passivity, indifference, lack of passion, spiritless, dependency
4. close-minded, intolerant, discriminatory
5. lack of common sense, logic, basic everyday skills.

I guess five words couldn't do it because I felt I had to use five descriptions. Am I picky? Nah, I'm just being clear. =D

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!