PainSorry I've been gone for a few days. I wrote this, in free verse, to explain my absence. Pain Blinding headache Condensation behind my eye Each drop hurts more than the last Almost more than I can endure Nauseating swell Not big enough for wretched relief Not small enough to subside Just enough to be sure it’ll reoccur Not the burning. The searing throb No, please no more. My back, hips. . .knees? Now my neck? You bastard! For what must I atone?! What must I do for you to quit? I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do. Leave me alone, please. . . Leave my whole family alone. I try not to wake you. Not to irritate or anger you. I walk on eggshells, crawl on glass and lie on nails What else must I do in your name? You have assimilated me. Who would I be without you? You’re a part of my identity now. Hi, my name is Missy, and I am in pain. All these years, like an abused wife Afraid to do anything that may wake you Structuring my life around your moods In fear you may rear your angry head and yell. I hate the pills, the fucking pills And treatments that work only to later fail Go ahead bring on what’s next you punk Have no fear that I will fight you in hell! Sweetheart, I know the baby needs changed. No, I didn’t pull anything out for dinner. Yes, the laundry and dishes are piled very high I’m sorry I know you’re not mad. I know you understand, But, I don’t. I’m sorry You didn’t sign up for this. Thank you for your patience, and love. You don’t deserve this, and just remember I’m sorry | 
There is an ancient practice called Jin Shin Jyutsu. It translates to this: To Know or Heal Myself. I am totally addicted to it's benefits, one of which its to help me continue on in whatever I must. You can find out more via internet, but for now take deep breaths and hold each finger (left hand holding right then right hand holding left) gently. Hold each one until you feel a pulse or about two minutes each. This will help you calm and center your being. Your post speaks volumes! Blessings to you!