Adam wanted to take a picture with mommys baby bump!

I could of swore I felt the baby move tonight, but considering I am only 14 weeks I dont think that is plausible.

I had lunch with Michael's mom again today. It was nice, I absolutely love her! I hate that she cries at times when we talk, but who can blame her, I suppose? I cry too, alot, but TRY to keep it out of the public. Tommorow her and her husband offered to watch Adam while I go to work which is so sweet. They really enjoy Adam's company. Sometimes I feel so undeserved of their kindness. I wish Michael was still here. I miss him so much.

A trip to the grocery store today turned out to be a bad idea. I was already irritable and fed up to begin with because I felt like I was absolutely starving. Adam decided he was going to be a little butt and not listen to me at all. He preceded to climb in and out of the basket, knock down items that were currently neatly stacked on the shelf, and when punished he began to throw himself on the floor kicking and screaming. "SIGH" I hate when people look at me like that.....like, "cant she control her child"? Eventually we got to the checkout line and ended up standing there for, "I kid you not" 30 minutes. THANK GOD Adam was entertaining himself with some of the toys on that impulse buy rack!! Standing there waiting though I just started to think about Michael and how much easier this trip would of been if he was here, and how I am going to have to carry all the gorceries upstairs by myself, and how only Adam and I would be eating the meal I cook tonight....."SIGH" Embarssingly I started crying, the poor checkout girl was so confused...I made a fool out of myself sniffling and blubbering, "I am okay" all the while fumbling with my debit card and trying to pry Adam away from the toys. I never though such a mundane thing as buying groceries could stress me out so much...

Note to self: try not to cry in the grocery store

I made chicken and dumplings tonight for the first time, it was surprisingly easy and tasty. I think I ate too much though, my tummy hurts now...UGH!

Someone recently brought up to me that maybe I should join a support group, considering the fact that my fiance and father of my unborn child, (I am three months preggers) passed away last month in a tragic hit and run accident, (the rambling and run-on sentence was not intentional. (sigh) anyways a friend mentioned that to me and I thought to myself, support group, isn't that what my Church is for, my Bible, my daily talks to God? Do I need more support than that?

I still struggle with this loss greatly.

Raising my son on my own has been hard and a struggle, financially and stressful but also joyful encouraging and worth it. If you have kids of course you know what I mean. I just cant see how I am going to do this with another baby, I am only 22, I still hope to get a college degree under my belt, and I work at a fast food restaurant. When Michael (my fiance) was here it was such a joy and help to have someone to share my life with of course but there were also so many burdens lifted from my daily stresses. I had help with my son while I cooked dinner, help with the chores, and someone to have adult conversations with. Now I am back to square one doing it all alone. I find myself crying sometimes because I am so tired, just from daily routines, getting my son ready for school, going to work, coming home, cooking dinner, making sure the house and clothes are clean, and just taking care of my son now. Then again a lot of this could contribute to my pregnancy hormones.

This new baby though is going to be such a blessing and miracle. I know I have some tough days ahead of me. He or she wont be here until Spetember so I have time to prepare, maybe I can even get a better job by then. Something I love about this is my baby's due date is the day his father was born! What a miracle, "God does not make mistakes", Michael would always say. 

Okay enough rambling, I am exhausted.