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lawlucero
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Name: Lawrence
Country: United States
State: New Jersey
Birthday: 9/4/1983
Gender: Male
Expertise: Im really good at looking at or talking about something and pretending like i know what the fuck is going on.
Occupation: Accounting/Finance
Industry: Business
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  apatatusan
Member Since:
9/14/2005
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| soup dumplings....I'll clarify when I get back
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| My mom's coming home from the PI later today. So I had to clean the
house. I've never cleaned as much as I did yesterday, and the house is
still in a state that I wouldn't really call clean. Acceptable yes, but
not clean.
Some things i've learned from the last three weeks.
- Don't leave rice in the rice cooker for more than 3 days. The rice
cooker will start to get bored and make brown rice stew all by itself.
- (With respect to my first statement) Febreze is not the cure all to every bad smell in the world.
- Don't go to the laundrymat between 9 and 5 on the weekends. If you do
the spanish people will spend the entire time talking shit about you.
- It's nice keeping the house toasty warm 24/7 until the bill comes. Then you begin to appreciate a slight chill.
- Cover the garbage cans when it's raining, or else when you try to
quickly pull the garbage can out in the morning it falls down and
spills yucky water over your nice shoes.
- It must take years of ironing practice to be able to create perfect
pleats on a pair of pants. If your not that skilled don't even try. Or
else your boss will make fun of you.
- You can't cook everything in a toaster oven.
- When using a coffee maker to heat a can of Cambell's chunky stew, don't use the high setting.
- Paper towel, bathroom tissue, toothpaste, shampoo, and all that stuff is pretty expensive when you buy them all at once.
- Do not eat Dominos for more than 4 days in a row no matter how awesome the deal is.
Ehh, I guess thats about it.
I know...i'm somewhat of an adult, and I should know these things
already. It's only common sense. But when have I ever been sensible.
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| my aunt and uncle came over. apprently they're selling cookware and
they had a "dinner party" to show of their ish. now my moms talkin to
my aunt about me and/or my bros. shes talking mad shit, i know it. but
i can only understand very few bits and pieces of it since i dont know
tagalog. but it still pisses me off. i understood the part of how
she paid for most of my car. and listened to my aunt say accounting is
bad and hard to keep a job, and all this talk about benefits and the
job market.
i just wanna start yelling at her and be like...look who the fuck are
you to talk, selling your stupid cookware that no one wants, and tell
my off and remind her that its my dads money thats paid for my car and
just cause hes not the one writing the checks doesnt mean it wasnt from
him.
but of course im a pussy and im writing this shit on my xanga. perhaps
im just not understanding them at all and theyre talking about is
cocaine or something....but most likely theyre just talking shit.
man...it really pisses me off though. i need to learn tagalog.
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| i dled the new ashlee simpson album and im pretty disappointed. theres
like 2 good tracks . i see no reason why its been doing sell well on
the music charts.
bdays:
jerome - nice party, almost drank a whole lit that time. happy bday
leila - im sure u had a party....but u didnt invite me  but happy bday nevertheless. muahz
jeff - its not til tommorow. but yeah, happy bday mr. beastking.
the following is a post on our world of warcraft website about jeff
01. Beastking' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has
never cried.
02. Beastking once roundhouse kicked someone so
hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back
in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was
flying over the Pacific Ocean.
03. Rather than being birthed like a normal child,
Beastking instead decided to punch his way out of
his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
04. Beastking sold his soul to the devil for his
rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts
ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized,
BK roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took
his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony,
couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it
coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of
the month.
05. Beastking's girlfriend once asked him how much
wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could
chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN
THE PRESENCE OF BEASTKING!" and ripped out her
throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his
hand he bellowed, "Don't f- with BK!" Two years
and five months later he realized the irony of this
statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a
hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
06. Beastking does not have AIDS but he gives it to
people anyway.
07. Beastking built a time machine and went back in
time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot,
BK met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting
them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
08. When Beastking plays Oregon Trail his family
does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather
roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no
wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo
meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before
you.
09. Beastking recently had the idea to sell his
urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as
Red Bull.
10. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat
cancer. Beastking smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a
day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of
cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for
30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
11. Beastking was the fourth Wiseman. He brought
baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly
to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus'
obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence
to have BK omitted from the Bible. Shortly after
all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
12. The original theme song to the Transformers was
actually "Beastking--more than meets the eye, Beastking--robot in disguise," and starred Beastking
as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a
pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single
show, however, so it was divided.
13. Beastking does not sleep. He waits.
14. A man once asked Beastking if his real name is
"Beastking". Beastking did not respond, he simply
stared at him until he exploded.
15. Beastking once shot a German plane down with
his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
16. Beastking has yet to get a Jeopardy question
wrong. Jesus has missed two.
17. Beastking lives by only one rule: No Black
Chicks.
18. The chief export of Beastking is pain.
19. Beastking can make a woman climax by simply
pointing at her and saying "booya".
20. Beastking once went to a frat party, and
proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight.
He then drank three kegs and crap on their floor, just
because he's Beastking.
21. Beastking is currently suing NBC, claiming Law
and Order are trademarked names for his left and right
legs.
22. If you can see Beastking, he can see you. If
you can't see Beastking you may be only seconds
away from death.
23. After much debate, President Truman decided to
drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the
alternative of sending Beastking. His reasoning? It
was more "humane".
24. Beastking doesn't understand why you should
consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more
than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last
for up to 15 days.
25. Beastking found out about Conan O'Brien's lever
that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is
working on a way to make it show clips of BK
having sex with Conan's wife.
26. When Beastking's wife burned the turkey one
Thanksgiving, BK said, "Don't worry about it
honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five
minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and
when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully
cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife
asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse
kick to the face and said, "Never question BK."
27. Beastking punched a woman in the !@!@!@ when
she didn't give him exact change.
28. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Beastking.
29. Beastking ruins the endings of Harry Potter
books for children who just bought one for the hell of
it. When they start crying Beastking calmly says,
"I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse
kicks them in the face.
30. Beastking was working out in the gym with one
of his daughter-in-laws. In an attempt to impress
Norris, she started to train really hard. When she
asked BK if he was impressed, he replied with
"Weights don't hit back" and broke her neck with a
roundhouse.
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