I should be happy...but I can't be. Maybe it would be best just to let it all go. I can't even imagine how it's possible that all of that could come to this, but it certainly looks that way, and I'd be telling an enormous lie if I said I wasn't doing myself a gigantic disservice by holding on to nothing.  And nothing is what currently exists there. I hate how I've allowed myself to get this low before I realized there was a problem. I hate how I let it run my life. I hate how I allowed myself to become so vulnerable I question my own worth. I should not feel this way. I should feel like there's something bigger and better out there for me. I should feel energized and excited. I should not feel this way. I should not have been crying like that. And once I figure out how to make all those 'should not's 'will not's, I'm hoping my life will change for the better. Maybe sometimes in life you have to cut pieces out to be able to see the bigger picture. Life is no fucking fairy tale.  I can pretend to be a damsel in distress all my life, and I may be completely warranted in doing so, but fat chance that anyone is going to jump on a white stallion and come rescue me from myself. I didn't ask to be stuck in this position, but how I move from it is unfortunately my decision and mine alone at this point, despite my limited options. I'm standing on the ledge now, So I guess I'm going to jump. I just haven't yet decided where it is I'm going to land...