| a cold nite.
a hot fire
a nice hookah
and a amazing friend.
one of life's beautiful moments.
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for any of you that think being gay is a choice...
its not.
i would never choose this, never.
i am so tired. god am i ever tired of it all.
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| I have so much frustration built up and side of me.
Me and God have had a long conversation tonight/this morning, i have still yet to sleep.
I still cant seem to trust him with this one thing. not that its a little thing.
But i know i can trust him, i know i should trust him. but i just cant seem to yet....
frustration.
damn i am sure impatient.....and scared to be honest.
oi....in due time i suppose, He/She (i hate always referring to God as a he) always takes care of me, i know i'll be more then just ok.
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| i want to write. i want all that i am thinking to be written out.
but i cant get it out.
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| i never would have thought that it would take a swing from a sledge hammer to put the last few peaces of my heart in place...
1 week ago today was that sledge hammer, the events that make up this sledge hammer will not be discussed in this blog, but you may feel free to ask if you with to know, just give me a call or something.
I finally see clearly what Gary saw, maybe not in the same light, or for the same reason. The whole reason he ended our relationship is because he felt that as much as we loved each other, that there where things we both wanted from the person that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with that would could not give to the other, with out compromising who we really where, and that there was someone out there that would work better for both of us. I finally see that there is so much truth behind that.
Ever sense Gary and I have parted way, there has been this constant discomfort or ache in my heart....even on my best days it was there. It is finally gone! I am past moving on, and have moved on. Now that dose not mean i am ready to be in a relationship, or that i will not miss him at times, i know i will. Gary was my first love, and the first man i have ever wanted to give all my self to and spend my life with, although my heart is finally put back together, there is still a small part that will forever be missing, it will always be with him.
that all being said, i am just excited. I am finally excited to see what the future holds, for the love story that will be written. I am and always be a hopeless romantic, just who i am, and i know everything is going to play out beautifully. But i am in no hurry to rush the story, it will all be written in due time.
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