Dear Readers,

According to Xanga, I’ve now had this blog for 2024 days. 

I think life can be best described as having multiple chapters with varying themes.  My current chapter is rapidly coming to a close.  I’m not the same person I was when I started this up five and a half years ago.    I’ve got some exciting things coming up in the next few years.  I’m leaving for Chicago in a few weeks.  Though I’ve been working for the past two years, I feel that only now am I starting my professional stage of my life.  Things are starting to really move and I am hopeful for the future.

I suppose this is an ideal time to put this blog to bed.  To the few readers I have left out there, thanks for the fun times.  A new blog will take this one’s place; contact me for the URL.

Sincerely,

Lexaholik

Self Censorship

Recently I’ve begun to write less about topics I care about and more on what I think people want to read.  I use exaggerated language and outlandish claims hoping to elicit a mass response in the form of comments.  For example, when sharing my thoughts about boy-girl dynamics, I take my personal opinion and move it a step towards the extreme.  I really think this works in making my reading more memorable.

At the same time, my writing moves away from my true beliefs.  Sometimes I try to counterbalance this phenomenon by reducing self censorship.  Combined with my penchant for hyperbole, this modified form of expression manages to offend and upset some of my readers.  Usually it’s a result of my forgetting that my posts are in the public arena.  Feelings get hurt, judgments are made, and the next thing you know, I feel like a jackass. 

So now I occupy a space where my work is neither terribly authentic nor particularly diplomatic.  I’ve managed to gain the drawbacks of both worlds.  I’ve been thinking about this a lot in the past week, which is why I’ve taken a break from writing posts. 

I think I’ve come to a solution.

I’m still going to write in my boisterous tone.  It’s far too enjoyable to stop completely.  However, these posts are mostly going to be written in Facebook, where readership is pretty high.  I’m going to make an active effort to write these entries without offending anyone.  This is going to be a difficult balancing act.    

At the same time, I’m going to write my serious and more thoughtful entries in another blog.  Hopefully, people who are motivated to read about my uncensored thoughts [and who won’t be as offended because it’s not as public] will self select into this group.  This way, I can write about things I care about, and at the same time, not have to sacrifice authenticity for popularity. 

Unrequited Love

Dear Northwestern Law,

There are just some things I need to get off my chest.

Ever since we first met, you’ve always been my number one girl.  If you don’t remember, half a year ago, I told you that you were the one for me.  I only had eyes for you, even as other girls (Columbia) showered me with affection and application fee waivers.  Most guys probably dream about her, but I knew you were the only one for me.

I asked you out back in October, much earlier than these other fools you’ve been messing around with.  Did you really think I wouldn’t find out about them?  I know how awesome you think they are, but really, do you think that guys with such high grades will know how to treat you right?  They might say they like you, but really, they’re just thinking about Harvard.

Me, I’ve always made it clear to you that you were my top priority.  Do the words “EARLY DECISION” ring a bell?? I told you that if you would be my girl, I would not even think about anyone else.  I even flew out to Chicago to see you and to make a good impression, but you seemed distracted at the time. 

I don’t know why you’re being so indecisive.  “Yes” would have been great and even “No” would have been understandable but I just can’t figure out why you insisted on “I’m not sure,” or as you liked to call it “administrative hold.”  Are you waiting for someone better?  I’ve talked to your friends.  They told me that you like guys with work experience and leadership skills.  I know I could do better than whoever it is you’re seeing right now.  I bet he’s just some young thundercat with a big LSAT. 

I got your email last night.  “Shortened Summer Waitlist.”  What is that???? It’s been seven months since I’ve asked you out and still you can’t give me a straight answer.  You know I’m a human being and dragging it out like this really hurts.  It really does.

That’s why I’m writing to you to tell you that I’ve actually found someone else.  She’s a great girl and everyone tells me how lucky I am.  You might know her, she lives in Washington, D.C. and she goes by “GWU.”

But always know that I’ve got a special place for you in my heart.  No matter how long it takes for you to figure things out, I will be waiting for you. 

Love,

Lexaholik

How To Get Him To Like You

Every guy has his weak spot.  I wouldn’t go as far as to call it a *fetish* because of the sexual connotation that comes with the term, but some guys do like certain kinds of girls more than others.  Guys I know have a wide variety of tastes, ranging from plus sized African American women to clinically insane artsy fartsy women.

I will discuss one weakness I’ve discovered about myself.  And no, it’s not Korean girls.

It all started back in college.  Back then I used to weigh first impressions heavily.  There was this one girl, known in most circles as “ChoCoCho.” who came off as a really annoying loudmouth.  I quickly wrote her off as someone to avoid in the near future.

However, one Saturday morning I ran into ChoCoCho at the student union and she said something to me that forever changed my opinion of her.

“Hey Lex, wanna use my meal block?”

For you non-CMU people, meal blocks are set amounts of pseudo-cash that can be used to purchase meals on campus.  The thing is, you get a limited number of these meal blocks and if you don’t use them by the end of the week, they just disappear. 

Being a poor college student, I immediately took the offer and got myself a free chicken club meal at the “O.” And unexpectedly, my negative feelings of ChoCoCho began to fade like a fart in the wind.  I guess she’s not so bad, I thought to myself.  Maybe I should cut her some slack.

And thus this began a trend of giving girls a second chance to make good after a first bad impression.  Later on in college, some random freshman girl dissed my immaculately gelled zero fade haircut.  I was pissed as beans and was planning to give her the shunning of a lifetime, but the next day she bought me lunch with a meal block.  So we became friends.  Likewise, I’ve also forgiven girls who have committed unforgivable transgressions, like the time this one girl said I looked like Glen Gee.

It surprises me that I can be bought off so easily.  Buy me a meal and your status in my mind rises.  I never even noticed this until someone pointed it out to me. I wouldn’t be surprised if TONS of guys think the same way without knowing it.

So ladies, if there is that one guy you want to make a really good impression on, my advice is this.  Buy him a meal.  It’ll put you far ahead of the game.  It is an established law of nature [Wikipedia] that women do not like to pay for their own meals, let alone his meal. 

Fight the stereotype.  You just gotta do it.   

Disclaimer: All of the stories in this entry were completely fabricated.