bizarre

I know I am posting at 2am, but I happen to be awake and browsing xanga...

Also bizarre is that last night my family was debating what kind of dogs we'd all be (My brother is dog/housesitting a Cocker Spaniel that got hit by a car and has suffered braindamage, and a fat piggish pug)!

My 19 year old, always want to be popular, good-looking, tall, easy going brother was easy - Chocolate lab

My mom always happy, sweet, loving, never shake her calm demeanor was also easy - Cocker Spaniel

My dad, pretty easy-  Bull Dog (that's all I'm gonna say)

My sister, I had to think for a while, but I'm pretty sure I go with -  Yorkie (Yorkshire terrier)

My fiance' easy going, ho hum, likes routine -  Absolute Beagle (in the Snoopy-est sense of the word)...

And I was truly horrified when I pegged myself -  Jack Russell Terrier  (like to play and be carefree......  but beware - also have quite an attitude/temper)

Bizarre, I know.  But this is why I LOVE being home in NH where oddities are the norm.  Where my whole family loads into an old Chrystler caravan and drives off for an adventure (with the three kids sqeezed into the middle seat because we're too lazy to move the stuff off the back seat!).
THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME.
THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME.
THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME.

Something worth fighting for is something that often requires our sweat, blood, tears and pain.

at least that's what I keep telling myself...

Do what you love. Love what you do!!

It's such a challenge to choose to enjoy life just as it is, with all the daily stresses and trials.  I find that medical school presents a myriad of challenges for me.  From the daily grind of attending classes and puting my mind to learning material that is rather dry and carries little imagination or interest, to how deeply I miss my family.

I wonder if I'll make it through to the other side (when people will shockingly refer to me as Doctor.  I think I will look around wondering who they mean). 

I wonder if I'll enjoy being a physician.  All this work - what will I do if it doesn't get better?  What if I don't eventually like it more?  What then?  I won't really have a choice, with over $150,000 in debt (and between the fiance' and me, probaby a heck of a lot more than that!)...  I will have to work, even if I'm not crazy about what I'm doing.

At this point it's rather a challenge of CHOOSING to love whatever I end up doing.  This is my path.  This is the way God sent me.  I don't really understand why, because I pretty much daily feel inadequate to face the situation I'm in....  I feel that I've reached the end of what I can take, and I'm kind of hopping around trying to get God's attention, 
"HEY!!  Remember me!!!!!  No more!  I can't do anymore!!!!!  Please don't forget about me, God..."

And actually, it all boils down to wanting to go home.  I want to see my mom and dad.  I want a hug from every family member.  I want us to sit down and eat dinner together.  Not just on Winter break or Spring break, but every day.  I never realized that I was such a home-body, and that being away from my family would be this excruciating.  I guess it boils down to me being a big baby...  A 24-year old child.  I want my mommy!  NOW.  :(

life isn't easy

I guess there are no easy answers.  There are no easy situations.  Only knowing the right thing to do.  And then doing it. 
 
 
Thou standest on the threshold
 
of days which are unknown,
 
Thou standest at the gateway of
 
paths unmapped, unshown;
 
But God himself is with thee,
 
thy Saviour, Keeper, Friend;
 
And He will not forsake thee nor
 
leave thee to life's end.
 
Thou standest and thou askest:
 
"What have the days in store?"
 
He answereth thee: "Blessing!
 
"Yea, blessing more and more."
 
What form that blessing taketh,
 
thou mayest not yet know;
 
But blessing upon blessing He
 
waiteth to bestow.
 
 
 
We never have to make provision for the whole journey,
 
but merely for one step at a time.

from the book "Traveling Toward Sunrise" by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman

what women don't understand about GUYS

Contrary to what many women believe, it's easy to develop a long-term, intimate and mutually fulfilling relationship with a guy.  Of course, the guy has to be a Labrador retriever.  With human guys, it's extremely difficult.  This is because guys don't really grasp what women mean by the word relationship.
Let's say a guy named Roger asks a woman named Elaine out to a movie.  She accepts; they have a pretty good time.  A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves.  They continue to see each other regularly, and soon neither is seeing anybody else.
Then one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine.  She says:  "Do you realize that we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"
Silence fills the car.  To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence.  She thinks to herself:  "Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that.  Maybe he feels confined by our relationship.  Maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation."
And Roger is thinking:  "Gosh.  Six months."
And Elaine is thinking:  "But hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either.  Are we heading toward marriage?  Toward children?  Toward a lifetime together?  Am I ready for that level of commitment?  Do I really even know this person?"
And Roger is thinking:  "So that means it was... let's see...  February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means ... lemme check the odometer ... Whoa!  I am WAY overdue for an oil change here."
And Elaine is thinking:  "He's upset.  I can see it on his face.  Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong.  Maybe he wants MORE from our relationship - More intimacy, more commitment.  Maybe he senses my reservations.  Yes, that's it.  He's afraid of being rejected."
And Roger is thinking:  "I'm going to have them look at the transmission again.  I don't care what those morons say - it's still not shifting right.  And they better not try to blame it on cold weather this time.  It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent, thieving cretins 600 DOLLARS!"
And Elaine is thinking:  "He's angry, and I don't blame him.  I'd be angry too.  I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel.  I'm just not sure."
And Roger is thinking:  "They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty.  That's what they're gonna say!"
And Elaine is thinking:  "Maybe I'm too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting next to a perfectly good person who's in pain because of my self-centered schoolgirl fantasy."
And Roger is thinking:  "Warranty?  I'll give them a warranty!"
   "Roger," Elaine says aloud.
   "What?" says Roger.
   "I'm such a fool," Elaine says, sobbing, "I mean, I know there's no knight and there's no horse."
   "There's no horse?" says Roger.
   "You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.
  "No!" Roger says, glad to know the correct answer.
   "It's just that ... I need some time," Elaine says.
There is a 15-second pause, while Roger tries to come up with a safe response.  "Yes," he finally says.
Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.  "Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?"
   "What way?" says Roger.
   "That way about time," Elaine says.
   "Oh," says Roger, "Yes."
Elaine gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse.  At last she says, "Thank you, Roger."
   "Thank YOU," he responds
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted soul weeping until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of chips, turns on the TV and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czech players he never heard of.  A tiny voice in his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he figures it's better not to think about it.
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, and they will talk for six straight hours.  In painstaking detail they will analyze everything she said and everything he said.  They will continue to discuss this subject for weeks, never reaching any definite conclusions but nenver getting bored with it either.
Meanwhile, Roger, playing raquetball one day with a friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving and ask, "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

We're not talking about different wavelengths here.  We're talking about different PLANETS in completely different SOLAR SYSTEMS.  Elaine cannot communicate meaningfully with Roger because the sum total of his thinking about relationships is Huh?
He has a guy brain, basically an analytical, problemsolving organ.  It's not comfortable with nebulous concepts such as love, need and trust.  If the guy brain has to form an opinion about another person, it prefers to base it on facts, such as his or her earned-run average.
Women have trouble accepting this.  They are convinced that guys must spend a certain amount of time thinking about the relationship.  How could a guy see another human being day after day, night after night, and NOT be thinking about the relationship?  This is what women figure.
They are wrong.  A guy in a relationship is like an ant standing on top of a truck tire.  The ant is aware that something large is there, but he cannot even dimly comprehend what it is.  And if the truck starts moving and the tire starts to roll, the ant will sense that something important is happening, but right up until he rolls around to the bottom and is squashed, the only thought in his tiny brain will be Huh?
Thus the No. 1 tip for women to remember is never assume the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.  You have to plant the idea in his brain by constantly making subtle references to it, such as:
   "Roger, would you mind passing me the sugar, inasmuch as we have a relationship?"
   "Wake up, Roger!  There's a prowler in the den and we have a relationship!  You and I do, I mean."
   "Good news, Roger!  The doctor says we're going to have our fourth child - another indication that we have a relationship!"
   "Roger, inasmuch as this plane is crashing and we have only a minute to live, I want you to know that we've had a wonderful 53 years of marriage together, which clearly constitutes a relationship."
Never let up, women.  Pound away relentlessly at this concept, and eventually it will start to penetrate the guy's brain.  Someday he might even start thinking about it on his own.  He'll be talking with some other guys about women, and out of the blue he'll say, "Elaine, and I, we have, ummm ... we have, ahhhh ... we ...  we have this thing."
And he will sincerely mean it.

Dave Barry from "Chickensoup for the woman's soul"

more Christmas...

So for my NH Christmas, I got home on Friday.... and I've been hanging around home all week - It's awesome!

Our Christmas tree is like 13 feet tall, and was actually cut from our woods!  My mom and sister and her b/f went tree-searching, and found it.

For Christmas I got a waffle iron, AAA membership, some jewelry, makeup (Bare Escentuals - great stuff) and coco mademoiselle chanel perfume!

PS I passed my one huge midterm  :)